If It’s On The Internet, It’s Gotta’ Be True! Startling Discovery Made On Al Gore’s Lawn!
April 25, 2007
The morning after Al Gore’s, wild “Earth Day” party at his Nashville Mansion, dozens of panties found on the lawn, were explained away as being a new exhibit.
After vigorously and relentlessly promoting the use of, “One square of toilet tissue per sitting”, Sheryl Crow shouldn’t have been surprised when she put her hand on Karl Rove’s shoulder during the Washington Correspondents dinner and he screamed, “Don’t touch me!”
What comes with Prez hopeful, John Edward’s $400 haircut…a “Happy Ending?”
As a result of the recent fallout over the comment made by Don Imus, the officials of the Miss Black America Pageant have just released this decision: Beginning this year there will be only 49 contestants in the Miss Black America Contest because no one shall be required to wear a banner that says ” IDAHO.” (Think about it)
The recently eliminated “American Idol” contestant, Sanjaya, e-mailed Madonna, ” I’m flattered by your offer, but I already have parents.”
Paris Hilton, took a spill, after going down on an up escalator.
“Bono is performing at a U2 concert in Ireland, when he asks the audience for some quiet.Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands…Holding the audience in total silence, then he says into the mike, “Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.” At which point a little voice from the front of the audience cries out, “Then stop clapping your Fookin’ Hands!”
Everyone was asking why Martha Stewart’s boyfriend, Dr. Charles Simony, who paid 20 million dollars to go into space, landed his craft in remote Kazakhstan. Was it to seek political asylum from the abusive Ms. Stewart…who has been known to beat him like an egg?
Naomi Campbell has done it again! First, she had to perform community service for throwing a phone at her assistant. Now, after hitting a tugboat captain with an anchor, when he cut her off on Long Island Sound, an angry judge sentenced her to 3 months of anchor management!
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were outraged when the Berlin Zoo wouldn’t sell them Knut the baby polar bear for daughter Suri’s first birthday present. Tom immediately commissioned, “The greatest doll in the world to be made in Suri’s likeness!”. Tom’s been known to go to extremes, but I don’t think he expected this.
Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne
Thanks to Patti Dahlstrom, Sharon Link, Shel Talmy, and Phil X. Milstein, for their submissions and to the late Harvey Miller for helping me with this column every week.