May 30, 2007
When Rosie O’Donnell, followed Elizabeth Hasselbeck home after their fight on “The View”, it’s fortunate that her husband, Tim Hasselbeck NY Giants Quarterback, answered the door. He was able to hold off Rosie until his wife could change the batteries in her stun gun. Ms. O’Donnell, will be arraigned in court on Monday…on 23 counts of being a bitch.
“Survivor” producer Mark Burnette and Chef Emeril Lagasse, have changed the name of their new show, “Adventures with Road Kill” to “Cooking On A Budget”.
The 28 planets recently discovered have been named after the 7 Dwarfs, Angelina and Madonna’s adopted children, as well as, 15 of Anne Heche’s multiple personalities!
It looks like the hottest show in the UK, “Are You Smarter Than A Monkey?”, won’t be coming to the US, until they find some celebrities who can beat the monkey!
Hugh Hefner, is recovering after taking an accidental overdose of horse Viagra at the Kentucky Derby.
“Dancing With The Stars”, has been having trouble finding celebrities for their show since it was announced that attempted murderess, Amy Fisher and her former lover, “Bad Ass” Joey Butafucco, were signed for next season’s competition.
Lindsay Lohan’s had second thoughts about asking Paris Hilton to be a character witness in her upcoming trial for DUI and possessing cocaine.
“Naked Paris Hilton throws herself on the mercy of the court while a confused Tinkerbell tries to revive her”, is the controversial sculpture that has been removed from the Museum of Modern Art, for exploiting an innocent “bitch” ( referring of course to the dog!)
Lynn Spears, put a shiny gold star on her daughter Britney’s little bald head, as a reward for not doing anything to make the tabloids this week.
Here’s a rare clip of Jay Leno dancing and singing with his sister as a kid. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICk1Msldu1w
Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne
For more of Lindsay, Paris and Britney http://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/12/04/exclusive-photos-lindsay-lohan-and-paris-hilton-on-top-of-britney-spears/
Thanks to Alan O’Day and Richard Yannotti for their contributions, and to the late Harvey Miller for helping with this column every week.