April 25, 2007
The morning after Al Gore’s, wild “Earth Day” party at his Nashville Mansion, dozens of panties found on the lawn, were explained away as being a new exhibit.
After vigorously and relentlessly promoting the use of, “One square of toilet tissue per sitting”, Sheryl Crow shouldn’t have been surprised when she put her hand on Karl Rove’s shoulder during the Washington Correspondents dinner and he screamed, “Don’t touch me!”
What comes with Prez hopeful, John Edward’s $400 haircut…a “Happy Ending?”
As a result of the recent fallout over the comment made by Don Imus, the officials of the Miss Black America Pageant have just released this decision: Beginning this year there will be only 49 contestants in the Miss Black America Contest because no one shall be required to wear a banner that says ” IDAHO.” (Think about it)
The recently eliminated “American Idol” contestant, Sanjaya, e-mailed Madonna, ” I’m flattered by your offer, but I already have parents.”
Paris Hilton, took a spill, after going down on an up escalator.
“Bono is performing at a U2 concert in Ireland, when he asks the audience for some quiet.Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands…Holding the audience in total silence, then he says into the mike, “Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.” At which point a little voice from the front of the audience cries out, “Then stop clapping your Fookin’ Hands!”
Everyone was asking why Martha Stewart’s boyfriend, Dr. Charles Simony, who paid 20 million dollars to go into space, landed his craft in remote Kazakhstan. Was it to seek political asylum from the abusive Ms. Stewart…who has been known to beat him like an egg?
Naomi Campbell has done it again! First, she had to perform community service for throwing a phone at her assistant. Now, after hitting a tugboat captain with an anchor, when he cut her off on Long Island Sound, an angry judge sentenced her to 3 months of anchor management!
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were outraged when the Berlin Zoo wouldn’t sell them Knut the baby polar bear for daughter Suri’s first birthday present. Tom immediately commissioned, “The greatest doll in the world to be made in Suri’s likeness!”. Tom’s been known to go to extremes, but I don’t think he expected this.
Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne
Thanks to Patti Dahlstrom, Sharon Link, Shel Talmy, and Phil X. Milstein, for their submissions and to the late Harvey Miller for helping me with this column every week.
Like everybody else, I was curious about “those” infamous pictures of the most searched name on the web, Britney Spears. So I innocently “Googled” Britney Spears pussy. I was shocked to find this picture on the first page! Is this really Britney’s pussy or somebodys idea of a joke?
Designer Oscar De La Rente, allegedly sold the same red designer evening dress to four women, who wore it to the same Gala at the White House, including First Lady, Laura Bush! De La Rente, was found later that evening, wandering around aimlessly in the White House Rose garden. He was disheveled and mumbled something about four Ninjas, in high heels, who silently beat the shit out of him, while a little black dog in a hockey mask nipped repeatedly at his ankles!
Now you too can smell just like Paris Hilton, by wearing her new fragrance, “Vogue on the Outside…Vague on the Inside.”
Suri, the 7 month old “Scientolgy Wonder Baby”, of Tom Cruise And Katie Holmes not only has learned how to talk, walk and do simple algebra…she’s also learned how to fly!
Kevin Federline and Bobby Brown have taken starring roles in new Fox comedy series, “Assholes Never Take A Day Off”, about two proctolgists who moonlight as lawyers.
19 year old starlet Lindsay Lohan. has been seen around the Big Apple with 80 year old crooner, Tony Bennett. When reminded that having sex with an age difference like theirs could result in death, Tony smiled and said, “If she dies…she dies!”
I guess the human sacrifice worked, Mel Gibson’s film, “Apocalpypto” is number one at the box-office this week!
At least 3 of the people, who are being considered for the new head of the CIA, applied for the job after seeing the agency’s contoversial TV recruitment ads on,”Dancing with the Stars”.
Nicole Ritchie, the 85 pound, co-star of “The Simple Life”, remains at large after she greased herself up with butter and escaped through the bars of the L.A. County Jail, where she was taken after a DUI arrest.
After unexpectedly “outing” singer Clay Aiken and enraging Chinese people everywhere by performing an impromptu, stereotypical impersonation of them, “The View” co-host, and resident loose cannon, Rosie O’Donnell, has been given 3 bodyguards to watch her 24 hours a day. “The View”producers, are afraid she might attempt a hostile takeover of the show while Barbara Walters is away on vacation!
Copyright 2006 by Artie Wayne
To see the uncensored, unedited video of Justin Timberlake’s Dick In A Box http://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/12/20/if-its-on-the-internetits-gotta-be-true-plus-justin-timberlakes-dick-in-a-box/
To see “More” of Britney Spears…click onto http://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/12/01/theres-a-crack-in-a-star-on-hollywood-boulevard-quick-call-your-publicist/
To see the”Most” of Britney Spears…click onto http://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/12/04/exclusive-photos-lindsay-lohan-and-paris-hilton-on-top-of-britney-spears/