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Cheryl Burke and Emmitt Smith

There are a lot of rumors circulating on the internet…let’s see what’s out there this week!

This season’s winner of the “Dancing with the Stars”competition, Emmitt Smith, has signed to star in a new film, an “All Singing, All Dancing” version of his life. Clay Aiken and Michael Jackson have already signed on to play two of his pals from the Dallas Cowboys!

This season’s runner-up, on the popular dance show, Mario Lopez has been granted amnesty by Govenor Arnold Schwartzenegger for performing unauthorized moves on his partner Karina during the competition!

Jerry Springer, former controversial talk show host, instigator, referee, Mayor of Cincinnati, and dance show contestant, has been tapped to replace John J. Bolton as US Ambassador to the UN!

Today, Al Gore celebrates the anniversary of the Internet…which he invented 16 years ago!

The Paris home of Sascha Baron Cohen, the creator and star of “Borat”, is besieged by villagers from Kazakhstan, who are bearing torches! The impoverished group, from the country where the highly succesful film took place, cry out for some more “Bread” for the demeaning roles they were tricked into playing. Cohen’s insensitive girlfriend, is heard to say, “Let them cake”… just before the shit hits the fan!

Last night, George Michael, “Googled” himself and was promptly taken into custody!

Kevin Federline, recently retired rapper K-Fed, now known as Fed-Ex, is allegedly hawking the intimate video he made on his honeymoon with Britney Spears. Gentleman that he is, he claims he’s only using it as audition tape to get his next gig! Look at your watch Kevin, your 15 minues are up!

Is it really over between 60 Minutes’ Andy Rooney and Hollywood bad girl Lindsey Lohan?

Bush goes to Vietnam…as Hell freezes over!

And finally, why wasn’t Scientology founder, L. Ron Hubbard, invited to the Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ wedding?…Because he passed away in 1986 or so we’ve been led to believe!

Copyright 2006 by Artie Wayne

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Although I have no political preferences and consider myself an original thinker…I did breathe a sigh of relief when I heard about Donald Rumsfeld this morning! I’m not sorry I voted for Bush, however, can you imagine where we’d all be if the other asshole had gotten in?

Why couldn’t John Kerry be content with Kazakhstan, the little country, his wife bought him as a consolation prize for losing the election? Why did he shatter our illusions of him with a comeback so lame even David Hasselhoff, on “America’s Got Talent”, would have trouble giving him a thumbs up! You know I’m kinda’ glad there’s been a shake up in Washington. There should be a change of administration every now and then…like a diaper!

As far as Nancy, Condi and Hilary go…I say throw ‘em in a large cardboard box and may the best man win! Talk about nasty campaigns…Shit, you don’t have to wait ’til 2008. just click on now to “You Ain’t Woman Enough To Run This Land” http://i.euniverse.com/funpages/cms_content/13180/HillaryCondi_HoDown.swf

Copyright 2006 by Artie Wayne

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