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Angelina Jolie is Lara Croft

I found out that I can’t join the CIA, because I’m past retirement age, partially disabled and don’t have a college degree. Shit!! So I decided to do the next best thing. I unselfishly submitted my observations to Geraldo Rivera, the Fox TV investigative reporter, who’s got the power to get the facts behind the story of the Central Intellegence Agency using TV commercials to find new agents on TV shows. For the last ten days I’ve seen the CIA recruitment ads on “Dancing With The Stars” (this week and last week) , “The Simpsons”, and “Mad TV”…and no one in the media has said anything…at least not loud enough for me to hear!

If American Idol can find a Taylor Hicks through their TV recruiting methods, I guess the CIA is allowed find another Jack Ryan through theirs! In fact, the more I think about it the less I think of it as a government conspiracy and more of a pretty clever way to find and attract geeks, Bloggers, Podcasters, video gamers, and those other rebels who think outside the box. This campaign reaches people who otherwise might not seek a career in the CIA, but whose skills might be exactly what the agency is looking for and desperately needs!

Only one question remains, if the CIA was planning this kind of media blitz since January, what was with the Karl Rove scandal and why was the White House leak of a CIA agents name such a big deal?

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Halle Berry - Die Another Day

During the Cold War The Soviet Union routinely used Psychics and Remote Viewers in their Intellegence program. The United States soon followed suit and created Stargate, which was under the wing of the C.I.A. Ever since I was A teenager I knew I had “Psychic” abilities, as a young man I heard about Stargate, but my dream to become a Rock and Roll star overshadowed everything else. By the time I was ready to join, the program had been discontinued!

Although I’ve reached retirement age, I am clearheaded and as relevant as I ever have been and if anything my “Psychic” abilities are operating on overdrive. I saw the C.I.A. recuitment ads on “Dancing With The Stars”, “The Simpsons”, “Mad TV”, and the Fox local news this past week! As far as my qualifactions go I wrote the following piece for my forthcoming book.

In 1969, on the day of the Moonwalk, I was walking east on New York’s 57th street when I passed one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen walking west. We smiled at each other as we continued in opposite directions. Then a voice inside screamed, “Turn around …go back and talk to her…before she gets away!”

I stopped in my tracks…and as I turned around I saw that she had stopped and turned around also. Although I was customarily blinded by beauty, sex and emotions, this time I sensed a deeper connection. I found out at dinner that Victoria was an actress and a lay student of the mystic. All through that romantic and magical night, when I told her about some of my “Indefinable experiences”, she was able to put a name on them.

As we sat and talked in front of her fireplace, she introduced me to the writings of Edgar Cayce, Ouspensky, and Guerjiev and showed me that I wasn’t alone. Then, when I left in the morning, she gave me a copy of “Damien” by Herman Hesse, and gently kissed me goodbye.

Although I was exhausted I couldn’t put the book down and finished it that day…and thought about Victoria that night. As lay in bed, I felt like I was vibrating…I closed my eyes and visually retraced my steps to her apartment a few blocks away. I felt myself entering her apartment, in between the molecules of her double locked door and floating into her bedroom. As I watched her tossing and turning …my telephone suddenly rang and jarred me back into my own bed.

“Artie…You were just here weren’t you?” Victoria softly muttered, “Let me get some sleep…I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

How could she…? Did I really…? Is it possible that…? Although I had done this sort of thing before in my head…this was the first confirmation I had actually projected myself somewhere and someone was aware of it.

The time we were together over the next few months, I spent a lot of time reading, asking questions, channeling and Astral Projecting. Victoria kept encouraging me to aggressively pursue my own songwriting and singing career instead of representing music of other people, which included many of the “Bubblegum” hits of the day.

Unfortunately, a critically acclaimed album that I made as Shadow Mann for the infamous Morris Levy had just bombed out [mainly because it contained a controversial single “Come and Live with Me”…A radical concept for 1969]. I didn’t know what I wanted to do next…I just knew I didn’t want to do it in New York.

Earlier in the year I made my first trip to California…and felt a deep connection with the people and the music.

After a “Love-In” scheduled for Easter Sunday 1970 in Central Park was cancelled because of snow, I sold my interest in my publishing and administration companies, packed up all my stuff and moved to Hollywood.

I would see Victoria, from time to time when I’d go back for a visit, but lost touch physically over the years. Sometimes I feel her strong presence around me influencing me… I wonder if she has passed over to the other side?

Copyright – 2005 by Artie Wayne

If you haven’t seen the CIA recruitment ad go to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fg4_MuV4MpY

For more information about the CIA go to http://www.cia.gov

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Bobby Lee of Mad TV

I’ve always been a fan of TV commercials…and find many of them to be much more entertaining and informative than the show I’m watching. I’ve also wondered how far some of them would go to sell their product? In the past 24 hours, I’ve seen commercials on broadcast TV that have left me a bit dazed and confused! Pepto-Bismol has a new one running with Mega-Monsters singing and acting out their infamous jingle that includes the classic lines, “For Headaches…Upset Stomach…and Diarrea!” Informative? Yes. Entertaining? Perhaps…but not while I’m having my dinner!

Burger King has also launched a new campaign, one that hawks hamburgers that are so good they make you want to “sit” to enjoy them. In fact he announcer promises they’ll make you, “Full Of “Sit”. What are we all going to see next, a progressive mortuary that offers a “Pay Now…Go Later plan”? Hear a new theme song for Trojan condoms…with James Brown singing, “Papa’s Got A Brand New Bag”?

Finally, I admit It took me two days to work up the courage to write about the C.I.A. TV recruitment ad I saw on “Dancing with the Stars” last week. The once highly secret organization has never taken scrutiny lightly from the media and I imagined the same would go for bloggers! Logic told me, however, that if they were going public like this then they wouldn’t mind being written and talked about. So far nobody has shown up in blacksuits and sunglasses threatening to beat my ass. So I guess it’s safe to continue.

I don’t have Tivo so I sit usually sit through the commercials. Last night as I was watching the hilarious antics of Bobby Lee on MAD TV, they ran a 30 second recruitment ad for the C.I.A. I wonder how many people who saw that ad, knew it was for real…and not just a parody? I also wonder if and when the media will examine this Phenomenon? If you want to see what i’m talking about watch this!

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