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Al-Kildamuddah, has become the head of Iraqi security forces. Some say, “HappyDays Are Here Again!”, while others think, “It’s Sadaam Shame!”

“Culture Warrior”Bill O’Reilly, one of the first passengers scanned by the new airport X-Ray machine, was taken into custody after they found a stick up his ass!

There was a mass Tivo malfunction during the Academy Award ceremonies. As soon as the four hour show was over, instead of stopping, Tivo replayed the event from the beginning…over and over again! Millions of people who fell asleep during the boring event…kept waking up and asking, “How many times is Martin Scorsese going to win for best director?”

After winning an Oscar for best documentary on Global Warming and saving energy, Al Gore peddled his bicycle around the corner to a parking lot where his turbo charged, stretch limo waited to take him home to his mansion!

JFK conspiiracy theorists are having a field day since new color footage has emerged of Dealy Plaza on Nov. 22, 1963. There are several frames that show the grassy knoll with a young O.J. Simpson, shoving a nine iron with a telescopic site, into a golf bag!

“Dancing With The Stars”, seems to be scraping the bottom of the Big Dipper for this years line up of b-list celebrity contestants. Heather Mills (soon to be Mrs. Ex-Paul McCartney) was the first to be disqualified after producers discovered she was a professional! It seems that Ms. Mills has been dancing around the truth for years!

A Preist, a Rabbi and a radical Muslim cleric walk into a bar, and are shot by a gay minister, for appearing in a joke too stupid to even finish!

Paris Hilton’s perfume, “Vogue On The Outside, Vague On The Inside”, has been outselling Lindsay Lohan’s “Firecrotch” by a ratio of 69 to 1.

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Animal Planet’s newest show, “Animal Idol”, another “American Idol” spinoff, has become the networks biggest hit! Simon Cowell’s cat, Wesley, a judge on the show has been considered to be an even harsher critic than Cowell is.

When an American Idol contestant sucks, it’s no big deal, until pictures show up! http://poponthepop.blogspot.com/2007/02/antonella-barba-naked-pictures.html

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

Special thanks to Sharon Link for the picture of Wesley Cowell

Thanks to Don Williams for the expression, “It’s Sadaam shame”

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Britney, Brooke, Halle, and Cameron from their new film, “Bald Is Beautiful”

Britney Spears, bald on top and bald at the bottom, was mistaken for a member of the Hare Krishna at LAX airport last night. When passengers started dropping change into the coffee cup she was carrying, airport security took her into custody for panhandling. When she was released, the police apologized and allowed her to keep the $26 she had collected, providing she’d buy a hat and some panties!

EXCLUSIVE PHOTOS! MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY ON TOP OF ZAC EFRON AND VANESSA HUDGENS! http://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2009/01/04/matthew-mcconaughey-on-top-of-zac-efron-and-vanessa-hudgens/

Inspired by the successful reunion of the Police, last week at the Grammys, The Archies have gotten back together, except for Jughead who is still at large after being featured on “America’s Most Wanted”.

FIRST PHOTOS! PIGS IN LIPSTICK MARCH ON WASHINGTON! http://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2008/09/10/exclusive-photos-pigs-in-lipstick-march-on-washington/

 Nancy Pelosi, the Speaker of the House, has taken several meetings with Eric Rice, one of the creators of Second Life, the most popular alternate reality site on the Internet. Rice wants a law to protect the rights of humans who visit Second Life and want to marry one of the virtual characters they design. He also wants to give them the power to delete any of the virtual children they may accidentally create!

In-And-Out, the fast food giant, has had a 22% increase in revenue in their Hollywood locations, since adding “A Stint In Rehab” to their menu.

EXTRA! EXTRA! KRISTEN BELL BLOWS! EXCLUSIVE PICTURES
http://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/11/12/it-was-women-and-children-firstthe-day-the-bubblegum-bubble-burst/

The CEOs of all broadcast and cable networks met secretly yesterday to figure out how they’re going to fill up airtime once the Anna Nicole Smith story plays out.

After airline passengers were left stranded on a snowbound runway for up to eleven hours, without food and water, Jet Blue vowed it would never happen again! Now, every passenger, upon boarding, is issued a roll of Lifesavers and a package of M&Ms.

This year, with African-American nominees dominating the Oscars, Martin Scorsese Nominated for directing,”The Departed”, is determined not to get snubbed by the Academy again! The Italian dirctor on “Entertainment Tonight” sporting dreadlocks and a deep salon tan said,”‘Bout time we brothers and sisters finally be getting our props!”

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The Motion Picture Academy of Arts and Sciences, Has always kept it’s final tally of votes for each Oscar winner a well guarded secret. For the first time, the Academy has revealed how the winner is determined in the event there is a tie. It also explains why God is usually the first one thanked by the winners!

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

EXCLUSIVE! THIS MAY BE THE LAST TIME YOU CAN SEE LINDSAY LOHAN AND PARIS HILTON ON TOP OF BRITNEY SPEARS! http://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/12/04/exclusive-photos-lindsay-lohan-and-paris-hilton-on-top-of-britney-spears/

CRACK IN A STAR ON HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD…BRITNEY EXCLUSIVE!
http://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/12/01/theres-a-crack-in-a-star-on-hollywood-boulevard-quick-call-your-publicist/ 

Because you’ve been good, now you get “NOOKIE”S TOP CHRISTMAS AND “HAUKKAH VIDEOS for FREE!” includes Adam Sandler’s “HANUKKAH SONG”, the Full Original Version of “A Charlie Brown Christmas” , JUST ADDED JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE, CARRIE UNDERWOOD, TOBY KEITH, BON JOVI SINGING “THE HANUKKAH SONG!” and MUCH, MUCH MORE! http://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/12/22/nookies-top-holiday-video-picks/

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