March 7, 2007
Presidential hopeful Hilary Clinton admits she’s been possessed with the idea of becoming the President of the United States ever since she was a child. Concerned political rivals, Barack Obama, John McCain, and Rudy Giuliani have intervened and chipped in for an excorcism!
On the first stop of their European tour, when The Dixie Chicks performed at the Vatican, Natalie Maines was outraged when the Pope refused to kiss her ring!
Angelina Jolie and Madonna are cat fighting again! This time it’s over who will portray Mother Teresa in the forthcoming biopic. Jolie wants to take the issue to the UN, while Madonna prefers to take it to Madison Square Garden!
The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, changes name to politically correct, National Association for the Advancement of Colored Persons.
Michael Jackson has been getting $3,500 in Tokyo, for spending 30 seconds with each fan willing to pay the price. Unfortunately, one little boy bounced a check on the “King Of Pop”, and was forced to go back to the US to work off his debt at Jackson’s “Neverland Casino” in Las Vegas!
Jerry Springer, former “Dancing with the Stars” contestant and controversial talk show replaced Regis Philbin on “America’s Got Talent”, when Philbin was allegedly hit in the knees with a wrench by Tonya Harding, and put out of commission!
The verdict is in at the “Scooter” Libby trial. The former chief of staff to Vice PresidentDick Cheney was found guilty of lying and obstructing the investigation into the 2003 leak of CIA operative Valarie Plame’s identity to reporters. Libby is expected to be sentenced to 30 years in prison, which means he’ll probably do a hundred hours of community service and a stint in rehab…if he isn’t pardoned by President Bush!
NEWS FLASH! A fistfight broke out on the White House lawn between the President and Vice-President Cheney just after the Libby verdict was read! As the two men were being separated, Ann Coulter walks by and phones a story into People magazine about two more politicians coming out of the closet!
After losing to Binky, on the UK ‘s wildly popular TV show, “Are You Smarter Than A Monkey?”, Prince Charles is still walking around with his hand stuck in a coconut shell! So far, no one has the nerve to tell him that if he lets go of the peanut inside, he’d be able to pull his hand out easily.
When former “American Idol” contestant, Kelly Pickler made an unexpected turn and nearly poked out Ryan Seacrest’s eye with her new breast implants…he took the opportunity to ask about her recent aquisitions. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1nMojmkszI
Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne
For more on Angelina Jolie and Madonna’s catfight in Africa http://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/01/02/if-its-on-the-internet-its-gotta-be-true-angelina-and-madonna-cat-fight-in-africa/