The Food and Drug Administration has issued a warning for consumers to watch out for fake male contraceptive pills that are flooding the market. The real pills don’t have a colorful candy shell with an “M” stamped on the outside!
Paris Hilton was smart to bow out of hosting the Billboard Award show. It wasn’t the first time an award show sucked…but it was the first time anyone ever accused Paris Hilton of being smart.
As predicted weeks ago by Artie Wayne on the Web, U.S. Ambassador to the UN, John Bolton has resigned. His replacement is rumored to be former talk show host and “Dancing with the Stars” contestant, Jerry Springer!
An embarassed Sylvester Stallone, was released from jail this morning after falling asleep, and being accidently locked inside the Smithsonian institute, where other artifacts from the “Rocky” movies are now on exhibit.
Charlie Sheen saved his ex-wife, Denise Richards life today. She ran in to him at the market and he didn’t try to kill her!
The Reverends, Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson have teamed up with racist turned civil rights activist, Michael Richards, in a national effort to ban the “N” word. Philanthropists, Bill and Melinda Gates, surprised everyone by buying the copyright to the offensive word and promising to sue anyone who uses it without their written permission!
Comedian (?) Andy Dick, has issued two apologies. The first is for using the “N” word in his act, the second for failing to turn it into a career move like Michael Richards.
The Iraq study group concludes the fastest way to end the war is to call for a “do-over”, and free Sadaam Hussain from custody. President Bush says he’ll consider it…but only if Sadaam promises to be good!
Last night Britney Spears showed up on the Red Carpet, “slightly” dressed in a tiny halter on the top and a Band-aid on the bottom, showing once and for all why she tops the Yahoo most popular seach terms for 2006!
Copyright 2006 by Artie Wayne
Remember you only have until December 15 th to enter our caption contest and a chance to win a piece of Hand Painted wearable art worth up to $1000! Just click http://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/12/03/win-a-piece-of-wearable-art-worth-1000/
Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton on top of Britney Spears!
When Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan hang out together, And separately, can the devil be far behind? Men who once stared at women’s breasts during a coversation, finally have another place to look! Last week, on “The View”, Rosie O’Donnell, held up a pair of tiny red panties she supposedly bought Britney. This gave her an excuse to hold up her own huge “Granny Panties”, it might have made the audience laugh…but I’m sure it made all the men who were watching shrivel up in horror!
Now that a video of Michael Richards in blackface has surfaced, how are his “Spin Doctors” going to handle that? Are they going to call it a “Tribute” to Stepin’ Fetchit? What is frightning about this are some of the comments made by the thousands of people who have seen it over the last few days! Click onto http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DVt6eoKB9sw&eurl=
The Sunday morning political talk shows had quite a few Democrats recently “emboldened” by the mid-term elections, who sound as delusional as the current administration does! What it comes down to is, everybody wants to get out of Iraq but nobody knows quite how to do it! I’m sure that our ( I mean their, ) Prime Minister will be urged to make a premature statement that Iraq is ready to govern itself, and get America off the hook. I just hope we leave a few troops and enough nukes to thwart those who are eager to make a “Shish-ka-bomb” or a “Korean Bar-B-Que” out of all of us!
As far as the Iranians go, we should be afraid…very afraid! In my youth I went out with a few Iranian girls who actually told me that they were brought up to tell people what they wanted to hear, then go out and do the exact opposite. One of these girls was the beautiful daughter of a deposed general, who was exiled to the United States along with the Shah of Iran. I admit it was exciting to wonder who was following us on our dates, her father’s bodyguards…or the Secret Service! All of this danger, brought us closer together, and she revealed many aspects of her culture I never knew about. She told me that Iranian men showed no quarter to their enemy and were fierce warriors because they weren’t afraid of dying! It was only when she told me that she feared for my safety, did I take our cultural differences seriously! We continued to see each other secretly, which led me to co-write my first hit song, ” ( Meet Me At) Midnight Mary” (Raleigh/ Wayne). I lost touch with her after she ran off with some Cuban Freedom Fighter!
I’ll tell ya’, It’s becoming harder and harder to avoid politics, when we can almost hear God whispering to the Earth, “Your 15 minutes are up!” What’s really scary is the possibility of Hilary Clinton actually becoming President…I would only feel confident if she chose Danny DeVito as her running mate! At least we’d have a few laughs before we all had to “Duck and Cover”!
Copyright 2006 by Artie Wayne
IF YOU LIKE “EM REALLY BIG! CLICK ON TO http://www.over50music.com/
EXTRA! EXTRA! EXCLUSIVE PHOTOS KRISTEN BELL BLOWS!
EXCLUSIVE! Lindsay Sniffs, Paris Strips, Rosie flips! http://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/05/30/if-its-on-the-internet-its-gotta-be-true-lindsay-sniffs-paris-strips-rosie-flips/
FLASH!!! Lindsay Lohan Voted People’s “Skank Of The Week!
NEW EXCLUSIVE!- BALD BRITNEY ARRESTED AT LAX! http://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/02/19/if-its-on-the-internet-its-gotta-be-true-excusive-bald-britney-arrested-at-airport/
Exclusive photo! “Triple Breasted Beauty!” http://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/12/26/if-its-on-the-internet-its-gotta-be-true-triple-breasted-beauty-photo-exclusive/
See what Britney saw, the uncensored video of Justin Timberlake’s Dick In A Box! http://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/12/20/if-its-on-the-internetits-gotta-be-true-plus-justin-timberlakes-dick-in-a-box/
Shocking NEW Photo – Is This Really Britney Spears Pussy? Click onto http://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/12/13/if-its-on-the-internetits-gotta-be-true-is-this-really-britney-spears-pussy/
October 16, 2006
Halle Berry - Die Another Day
During the Cold War The Soviet Union routinely used Psychics and Remote Viewers in their Intellegence program. The United States soon followed suit and created Stargate, which was under the wing of the C.I.A. Ever since I was A teenager I knew I had “Psychic” abilities, as a young man I heard about Stargate, but my dream to become a Rock and Roll star overshadowed everything else. By the time I was ready to join, the program had been discontinued!
Although I’ve reached retirement age, I am clearheaded and as relevant as I ever have been and if anything my “Psychic” abilities are operating on overdrive. I saw the C.I.A. recuitment ads on “Dancing With The Stars”, “The Simpsons”, “Mad TV”, and the Fox local news this past week! As far as my qualifactions go I wrote the following piece for my forthcoming book.
In 1969, on the day of the Moonwalk, I was walking east on New York’s 57th street when I passed one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen walking west. We smiled at each other as we continued in opposite directions. Then a voice inside screamed, “Turn around …go back and talk to her…before she gets away!”
I stopped in my tracks…and as I turned around I saw that she had stopped and turned around also. Although I was customarily blinded by beauty, sex and emotions, this time I sensed a deeper connection. I found out at dinner that Victoria was an actress and a lay student of the mystic. All through that romantic and magical night, when I told her about some of my “Indefinable experiences”, she was able to put a name on them.
As we sat and talked in front of her fireplace, she introduced me to the writings of Edgar Cayce, Ouspensky, and Guerjiev and showed me that I wasn’t alone. Then, when I left in the morning, she gave me a copy of “Damien” by Herman Hesse, and gently kissed me goodbye.
Although I was exhausted I couldn’t put the book down and finished it that day…and thought about Victoria that night. As lay in bed, I felt like I was vibrating…I closed my eyes and visually retraced my steps to her apartment a few blocks away. I felt myself entering her apartment, in between the molecules of her double locked door and floating into her bedroom. As I watched her tossing and turning …my telephone suddenly rang and jarred me back into my own bed.
“Artie…You were just here weren’t you?” Victoria softly muttered, “Let me get some sleep…I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
How could she…? Did I really…? Is it possible that…? Although I had done this sort of thing before in my head…this was the first confirmation I had actually projected myself somewhere and someone was aware of it.
The time we were together over the next few months, I spent a lot of time reading, asking questions, channeling and Astral Projecting. Victoria kept encouraging me to aggressively pursue my own songwriting and singing career instead of representing music of other people, which included many of the “Bubblegum” hits of the day.
Unfortunately, a critically acclaimed album that I made as Shadow Mann for the infamous Morris Levy had just bombed out [mainly because it contained a controversial single “Come and Live with Me”…A radical concept for 1969]. I didn’t know what I wanted to do next…I just knew I didn’t want to do it in New York.
Earlier in the year I made my first trip to California…and felt a deep connection with the people and the music.
After a “Love-In” scheduled for Easter Sunday 1970 in Central Park was cancelled because of snow, I sold my interest in my publishing and administration companies, packed up all my stuff and moved to Hollywood.
I would see Victoria, from time to time when I’d go back for a visit, but lost touch physically over the years. Sometimes I feel her strong presence around me influencing me… I wonder if she has passed over to the other side?
Copyright – 2005 by Artie Wayne
If you haven’t seen the CIA recruitment ad go to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fg4_MuV4MpY
For more information about the CIA go to http://www.cia.gov