If It’s On The Internet, It’s Gotta’ Be True! Astronaut Escapes Flees To Mars!

February 7, 2007


Isaiah Washington, from “Grey’s Anatomy”, was ordered into counseling for 3 months after he called a castmate a “Faggot”, on the Golden Globes. When Washington’s lawyer tried to convince the court his client was actually calling him, “A pig liver meatball” and displayed a picture he found of the English delicacy on the internet, the outraged judge sentenced Washington to an addtional 3 months, and held the lawyer in contempt!

The Geek On Demand Escort Service of Palm Springs is offering free installation of the new Windows Vista after every “Happy Ending”!

Suspicion of plagarism once again hangs over Presidential candidate, Joe Biden’s head after his stirring, ” I Have A Dream” speech, in Boston last week!

Speaking of Joe Biden, when African-American Barac Obama forgave him for the “insensitive racial remarks” he made, a humbled Biden called Obama, “A credit to the Presidential race!”

When 113 nations blame man for Global Warming, the head of the UN, Kofi Anon, vows to “Find that man and stop him!”

Former Vice-President, Al Gore and talk show host, Rush Limbaugh, both nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, had a fistfight on the steps of the Washington Press club over who is the best qualified to receive the prestigious award.

At the 60th Anniversary of Queen Elizabeth and Prince Phillip, the Royal couple was given a piece of cake from Queen Victoria’s wedding over 100 years ago. Asked what she thought of the gift, Her Majesty replied, “A little dry…but delicious!”

Rev. Al Sharpton, is faced with a choice of continuing in politics or fronting a tribute band to his late mentor, James Brown. Although he hasn’t formally announced his decision, Sharpton was photographed by the Papparazzi trying on several sequined capes, which probably wouldn’t play well in New Hampshire.

Hillary Clinton gained a few points in the polls today after beating the shit out of her husband for flirting with the “French Fry Girl” at McDonalds!

Not to be outdone by the 7 month old panda Mei Land, recently unveiled at the National Zoo in Washington, Kim Jong Il, leader of North Korea, has introduced little Kimba! Not only is he the first panda to be born in captivity in North Korea, but he is also the first biological son of the beloved leader!


Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

For “Truth, Entertainment and Bullshit”…It’s Artie Wayne On The Web!

4 Responses to “If It’s On The Internet, It’s Gotta’ Be True! Astronaut Escapes Flees To Mars!”

  1. Patti Says:

    Ballsy little column today! I thought faggots were English cigarettes!

  2. Joe Nelson Says:

    Hi, Patti. I believe “fag” is the slang term, but actually was derived from “fagot” (one G), a British reference to a bundle of firesticks. I’m told they actually used to burn homosexuals alive over there and that’s the connection. As to Artie… I haven’t forgotten you asked me to write something for your anniversary (of your first heart operation). This will be posted to my own blog as soon as things calm down enough for me to find time to write something appropriate. (Gotta admit, “four faggots in a rich country wine sauce” sounds like a great name for a “boy band”…) God bless you both – Joe

  3. Joe Nelson Says:

    Oh, by the way – my wife’s trying to talk me into relocating to England with her and the kids in tow to further my education. I’ll make sure she sees this fine example of the local cuisine. Got any haggis, anyone?

  4. John X Says:

    But Artie, haven’t you neglected to mention The Lovelorn Murderous Astronaut Wearing a Diaper Love Triangle? It actually IS true!

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