Media Possessed And Celebrity Obsessed! Marilyn, Britney and Anna Nicole!

April 6, 2007


If you ask the average person in the street what Anna Nicole Smith was famous for, I doubt if anybody could answer. Yet we seem to have a morbid curiosity about her life and death, hanging on to every piece of information we hear about her. If you can name Anna’s boyfriend, her lawyer, her son, her baby and her choice of prescription drugs…you know you’ve been watching too much television!

A few weeks ago, some newscasters were complaining on the air, about Anna’s story getting too much airtime, but their producers as well as the public demanded more! Now, as her story is winding down we desperately search for a replacement, possibly someone even more fucked up, who’ll make us feel better about ourselves!

We can no longer count on Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan to satisfy our celebrity lust, now that they’ve been rehabilitated or tittilated by Paris Hilton who’s about to be incarcerated! What will be making headlines next week…an explicit Hillary Clinton/ Condoleeza Rice video? The Olsen Twins go on a killing spree? Sanjaya, caught in a menage’ a trois with Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul?

In a recent survey, teenagers were asked if they would rather be smart, rich or famous…and famous won hands down! If they couldn’t become famous themselves, they said the next best thing would happy working for a celebrity.

I remember when I was a kid, a brush with a star could bring instant neighborhood fame. I remember a friend of mine, from Sunday school, Ronald Bullock, was present at the filming of one of the scenes from “The Seven Year Itch”, starring Tom Ewell and Marilyn Monroe. With his Brownie Hawkeye camera, he took his own pictures of Marilyn with her white dress flying above her head, while standing over a subway grating! Shit!…My friend, who showed those pictures to everyone in the Bronx, was the center of attention for weeks…even months.

That reaction wasn’t lost on this impressionable 13 year old, who was starting his freshman year at the High School Of Music and Art in Harlem. I remember, as I was riding my bus to the subway, beneath the “Third Avenue El”, I glanced out of the window and saw one of the hottest actresses of the day, Jayne Mansfield, standing in front of a sporting good store. I jumped off the bus…ran over to her and said, “You’re Jayne Mansfield!”

She blinked her eyes and said, “Why yes, I am!”

It wasn’t long before she was surrounded by her fans, the curious and the horny! As the photographers she had with her snapped away, she autographed my bus pass. Nobody believed me when I told them at school what had happened…until the story about her publicity stunt showed up in the Daily News the next day!

The most asked question from the guys in school wasn’t “What was she like?”, or “Was She really pretty?”…but “Did you feel her up?”

When they explained the expression to me, I told them that I didn’t, but I certainly would consider it the next time!

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

Special thanks to the late Charles Buchowski for helping me write this article.

One Response to “Media Possessed And Celebrity Obsessed! Marilyn, Britney and Anna Nicole!”

  1. Jimmy Bee Says:

    Hi Artie….Nice to sometimes read your reflections. I don’t have time always but when I read your Jayne Mansfield thing I loved it. Thanks for taking the time to write it. There is a great Japanese breakbeat artist who calls himself Mansfield. I will attempt to send you an MP3 of something he did….JB

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