When Rosie O’Donnell, followed Elizabeth Hasselbeck home after their fight on “The View”, it’s fortunate that her husband, Tim Hasselbeck NY Giants Quarterback, answered the door. He was able to hold off Rosie until his wife could change the batteries in her stun gun. Ms. O’Donnell, will be arraigned in court on Monday…on 23 counts of being a bitch.

“Survivor” producer Mark Burnette and Chef Emeril Lagasse, have changed the name of their new show, “Adventures with Road Kill” to “Cooking On A Budget”.

The 28 planets recently discovered have been named after the 7 Dwarfs, Angelina and Madonna’s adopted children, as well as, 15 of Anne Heche’s multiple personalities!

It looks like the hottest show in the UK, “Are You Smarter Than A Monkey?”, won’t be coming to the US, until they find some celebrities who can beat the monkey!

Hugh Hefner, is recovering after taking an accidental  overdose of horse Viagra at the Kentucky Derby.

“Dancing With The Stars”, has been having trouble finding celebrities for their show since it was announced that attempted murderess, Amy Fisher and her former lover, “Bad Ass” Joey Butafucco, were signed for next season’s competition.

Lindsay Lohan’s had second thoughts about asking Paris Hilton to be a character witness in her upcoming trial for DUI and possessing cocaine.

“Naked Paris Hilton throws herself on the mercy of the court while a confused Tinkerbell tries to revive her”, is the controversial sculpture that has been removed from the Museum of Modern Art, for exploiting an innocent “bitch” ( referring of course to the dog!)


Lynn Spears, put a shiny gold star on her daughter Britney’s little bald head, as a reward for not doing anything to make the tabloids this week.

Here’s a rare clip of Jay Leno dancing and singing with his sister as a kid.

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

For more of Lindsay, Paris and Britney

Thanks to Alan O’Day and Richard Yannotti for their contributions, and to the late Harvey Miller for helping with this column every week.


Artie Wayne is a former songwriter, record producer, publisher and host of a popular restaurant. He has participated in or been witness to some of the greatest moments in Pop music and World History which he frequently blogs about.To access his best stories…

From July 4, 2006 to January 14, 2007

From January 15, 2007 to April 6, 2007


No Rap…No Crap…Real songs! Here are the best music videos I’ve seen this month!

Maroon Five “Makes Me Wonder”

Bon Jovi “You Wanna Make A Memory”

Akon “Don’t Matter”                          

Gwen Stefani “Four In The Morning”

Kelli Clarkson with “Never Again”

Chris Daughtry “Home”

Neyo “Addiction”

Hilary Duff “With Love”

Paolo Nutini and “New Shoes

Rianna “Umbrella”                          

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

Special thanks to Sharon Link for the dancing cats.



One of my first songwriting heroes was Ben Raleigh, who was the lyric writer of hits like “Dungaree Doll”, “Wonderful, Wonderful”, “She’s a Fool”, “Love is a Hurting Thing” and one of my all-time favorites, “Tell Laura I Love Her” in 1962. I was introduced to him by one of my early mentors Paul Vance, who co-wrote “Catch a Falling Star”, “Itsy, Bitsy, Teenie Weenie Yellow polka dot bikini”. Paul wanted me and his nephew, Danny Jordan (who later became one of the Detergents) to write with Ben for a session we were recording as a duo for Diamond records.

Soon Ben and I just started writing together and started getting some good covers…Wayne Newton, Jack Scott, Leroy Van Dyke, Aretha Franklyn, Jose Feliciano, and Bobby Darin. Ben introduced me to Freddie Bienstock at Hill and Range, who asked us to write for several Elvis movies, to Arnold Shaw at E.B. Marks music who got us a hit with Helen Shapiro in the U.K. and to Al Gallico at Shapiro Bernstein, who offered me a chance to become the first Black country artist signed to major label.

At that time Ben was also writing with Jeff Barry, Ellie Greenwich, Sherman Edwards and Mark Barkan. I was lucky to have him on Wednesday and Saturday.

Then in 1963 we wrote and I produced “Midnight Mary” for Joey Powers. I still can remember taking publicity pictures and being handed a gold record by Larry Uttal (head of Amy/ Bell records), who whispered, “Now this doesn’t necessarily mean it sold a million records!”

We continued to write for several years and have covers by Dion, the Hues Corporation, Gene Pitney, Freddie and the Dreamers, etc. and when I was at WB Music I got the company to buy the renewal rights to his classic song, “Laughing on the Outside, Crying on the Inside”.

Two weeks before he passed away in 1997, we got together and updated “Midnight Mary”. Originally, our Hero worked on the railroad…( and with apologies to Joe Nelson, who wrote recently that it was his favorite part of the song] we changed the line to ‘Just got a job at the Airport. Also in the new version, Mary gets pregnant, which you couldn’t say in 1962.

In one of my last conversations with Ben, I asked him, which of all of his hit songs has earned the most money? He laughed and said, “Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?”, which he co-wrote in 20 minutes. He was offered a few thousand by Hanna-Barbera as a buyout…but opted for a royalty instead.

This was before the release of the Multi-million dollar making “Scooby-Doo Movie”…and it’s equally successful sequel!

From my forthcoming book, “I Did It For A Song”
Copyright 2009 by Artie Wayne




When Taylor, Jordin, and Reuben have all been forgotten, Chris Daughtry, will be remembered as the true “American Idol”! Even though he didn’t even make the final two in last years competition, he went on to make the kind of records that people respect and really want to buy!

I knew that he had integrity by the songs he performed in the competition. It’s one thing, however, to know what song the audience would like to hear and another thing to be able to write it! Daughtry, could’ve joined the hard rock group, Fuel, but he decided to form his own unit and perform his own material.

“It’s Not Over”, topped the charts for months…now “Home” looks like it’ll follow in it’s footsteps. I hope you spend a few minutes watching these videos by an artist, who’s only scratched the surface of his potential!

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

NOW HERE ARE THE TOP 25 HALLOWEEN MUSIC VIDEOS OF ALL TIME including…“The Monster Mash”, “Unchained Melody’ from Ghost”, “Disturbia” UNEDITED, UNCENSORED Rhianna, The Addams Family theme, “Time Warp” from “Rocky Horror Show”, “I Put A Spell On You” Screaming Jay Hawkins, “Halloween theme” John Carpenter, Michael Jackson’s “THRILLER” 14 minute version! ..MORE!


Chris Daughtry sings “Home”                                                                       

Now he sings “It’s Not Over”                                                                             



Captain Jack Sparrow, left Shrek 3 and Spiderman 3, stranded on the “Island Of Forgotten Icons”, and sailed to number one at the box office with “Pirates Of The Caribbean 3 -At World’s End”!

Now that Paris Hilton’s sentence has been reduced to 23 days, she swallowed hard and said she’s ready to take her punishment. She plans to serve quietly and make good use of her time. She wants to complete her education, and take several courses that will make her eligible to go to high school.

Kenny Chesney, has his 76th number one record in a row! It’s a song about a man who leaves his girl because she’s suppressing his religious beliefs. It’s Called,” You Can’t Sit On My Faith Anymore”

President Bush insisted that James Brown, the “Godfather Of Soul”, attend the state dinner for the Queen of England, even though he passed away 5 months ago. Although he didn’t touch his food and was unusually quiet, Brown received a standing ovation from his fellow guests following dinner, while an aid put a cape around his shoulders and respectfully carried him away!

Alec Baldwin and David Hasselhoff, have signed to star in the new NBC comedy series, “Assholes Never Take A Day Off”. Is it any wonder that NBC is the 4th ranking network?

83 year old, Bob Barker retired host of “The Price Is Right” is speaking out on his romance with 20 year old starlet, Lindsay Lohan. “ I know that there’s a big age difference between us and having sex could result in death, but if she dies…she dies!”

Although Apolo Ohno and Julianne Hough, won the precious mirror ball trophy on “Dancing With The Stars”, it was Homer and Marge Simpson who brought the crowd to it’s feet with their lively quickstep and acrobatic hijinks! Mr. Simpson is expected to be released from the hospital next week.

Donald Trump was set to fire NBC…but NBC fired him first!


Ex-President Jimmy Carter, tried to “make nice” with President Bush, for all the nasty things he said about him last week, and sent him 10 boxes of Jimmy Carter hand grown tomatoes stamped with, “ If it doesn’t have a shit eating grin on it’s face…it’s not a Jimmy Carter!

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

Special thanks to the late Harvey Miller, who helps me with this column every week!

For more on Johnny Depp and the night he showed me his tattoo!

Best of luck to Nigel Goodall on his new book, “The Secret Life Of Johnny Depp” available at all fine bookstores.




In 1963, I was writing songs and producing records under my real name, Wayne Kent, and my friend Jerry Landis, who was about to change his name to Paul Simon, was a song plugger for E.B. Marks music. I was thrilled when he asked me if I’d like to meet his producer at Columbia records, Tom Wilson, who had started producing the “Wednesday Morning 3:00 AM” acoustic album.

We adjusted our ties and sport jackets, as we waited on the couch in the A&R dept. at Columbia records then…Tom Wilson’s door opened. I was surprised to see a nattily dressed, 6’3″ black man emerge ( Paul never mentioned his ethnicity) followed by a scrawny pale white guy in a gray suit and a pink dress shirt, unbuttoned at the collar. I recognized him from the album cover I’d been playing for about a year, “Bob Dylan”, which John Hammond produced. Jerry ( I mean Paul ) introduced me to them as Wayne Kent and we had a casual conversation which I honestly don’t remember. I do, however, remember the feeling that I had being in the presence of greatness that was yet to be realized. Three men who would eventually change the course of popular music, Paul Simon, Bob Dylan and Tom Wilson!

The next time I was introduced to Dylan was about a year later, when I was recording and writing under the name, Artie Wayne. I just had a hit as a writer and producer with Joey Powers and, “Meet Me At Midnight Mary”( Raleigh/ Wayne) , but royalties were slow coming in. Paul Simon, convinced me to start playing showcases at the Bitter End and Gerde’s Folk City in Greenwich village, so I could get some work and even offered to play back-up guitar. During a break after one of our sets, I was standing by the rail of the Tin Angel, all decked out in neatly creased denim, when an old pal from 1650 Broadway, Al Kooper walked over. The last time I saw him was when he was riding high on the charts with a song that he wrote, “This Diamond Ring”, by Gary Lewis and the Playboys.

I hardly recognized him, with his hair down to his shoulders, black boots and a cape that almost touched the ground. I also couldn’t stop raving about his organ playing on “Like A Rolling Stone”. As we were catching up on old times, Bob Dylan, looking “Positively 4th Street” walks over and reminds Al that they have to be somewhere. Al introduces me to Bob as Artie Wayne, who stares at me with a slight look of recognition in his eyes. I didn’t say anything, cause I figured he’d never remember our first encounter anyway!

In 1969, I was recording under the name Shadow Mann, and was going around the country promoting my album, “Come and Live With Me!” On my trip back to New York, I saw that a concert promoter friend of mine, Ron Delsoner was putting on a show with Laura Nyro. I asked if I could get a couple of tickets, but they were sold out. Then he invited me to stand with some of his friends backstage and watch the show from the wings. One of those friends turned out to be Bob Dylan.

I was a bit embarrassed to meet him this time dressed in my evening Shadow outfit, which included a custom made black suede jacket with a Giant Red Eagle on the back, black suede bell bottoms, and a big black floppy hat. Ron proudly introduced me to Bob, as his old friend Shadow Mann. I noticed Bob glancing at me from time all during Laura’s concert…then halfway through the show, he looked at me, smiled enigmatically, and said,

“Are you holding? (slang for do you have any drugs?)

Shit if I had, I’d have a more exciting end to this story!

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

For Brief Encounters With Paul Simon

For Story of Shadow Mann




Back to Artie Wayne On The Web


“Sex is like a game of bridge – if you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand”
-Mae West

“If one hears bad music it is one’s duty to drown it by one’s conversation.”
-Oscar Wilde

“The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.” -A. nonymous

“As we lie beneath the stars…we realize how small we are” from Nickelback’s “If Everyone Cared” by Chad Kroeger

“In the final analysis, our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this small planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children’s future. And we are all mortal.”
-John F. Kennedy

“If you fail to prepare…prepare to fail”
-Maxim Chmerkovsky from “Dancing With The Stars”

“Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.”
– Albert Einstein

“In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”
-Martin Luther King Jr.

“Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.”
– John F. Kennedy (1917-1963)

“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.”
– Woody Allen

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

Special thanks to Sebastian Prooth for JFK, Laura Pinto for Mae West and Woody Allen, Eddie Hodges for Oscar Wilde, and Laila Ali for Maxim Chmerkovsky.

To reach Sebastian Prooth

To reach Laura Pinto

Laura Pinto’s collection of quotes


Now that Britney and Paris, are temporarily out of action, Lindsay Lohan is the most searched name on the web. She also made it to the top of the Maxim Top 100 list and has been voted People’s first “Skank Of The Week!”


When “Dancing With The Stars” judges deducted one point from Helio and Julianne’s score for being, “Too Sexy”, they dressed and rushed off stage.

After scientists released findings last week that X-rays of of a skull fossil suggest that human ancestors had pea sized brains, it was discovered that they were mistakingly looking at Rosie O’Donnell’s MRI results!

An intern at Bethesda, Md. hospital was arrested yesterday after he tried to slip a “Do not resuscitate” bracelet on Vice-President Cheney, during a routine physical.

EXTRA! EXTRA! KRISTEN BELL BLOWS! EXCLUSIVE PHOTOS! Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled high with flours as Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.

At the Republican debate in Columbia, South Carolina last night, the 10 “Mass Debaters”, ended the evening by joining hands and singing “Nothing Could Be Finer Than To Be In Carolina”, which the press thought was “cute”. Things turned ugly, however, when Rudy Giuliani did the “Full Monte”!

When a reporter from the National Enquirer, asked Paris Hilton, how she would she define “enough sex”? She smiled and said, “More than anyone ever gets.”

Has anyone noticed the resemblance between “American Idol” finalist, Melinda Doolittle and Shrek 3 which happens to open on Friday? Is it a coincidence or possibly one of cleverest marketing ploys of all time?


Never underestimate the power of the Disney corporation. When Mickey Mouse, their most popular character, was used by Hamas to teach hatred of the West to Mid-Eastern children, Disney sent in their crack anti-copyright infringement SWAT team, to shut them down. In less than 24 hours, not only was the offensive show taken off the air, but the actor playing the mouse turned out to be Osama Bin Laden, and was taken into custody…officially ending the war on terrorism!

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne


“If Everyone Cared” by Nickelback, is the most important song to come along since “Blowin’ In The Wind” by Bob Dylan. It has inspired and engaged everyone I know who’s taken a few minutes to listen to it! It wasn’t created as an anthem to raise money like, “Do You Know It’s Christmas” or “We Are The World”, it was written because it had to be written…and a video was made because it had to be made!

I don’t know about you…but I’m still singing along. Although Nickeback performed the song in their familiar rock style, you can hear the Folk and Gospel influence deep within it’s musical structure. A lot of friends of mine, who can’t find their kind of music anymore, are going to be pleasantly surprised by this treasure.

Chad Kroeger, lead singer and writer of “If Everyone Cared” said in an interview. “We wanted to inspire people that were going to see the video and maybe show people that you don’t need a team of personnel, you don’t need a lot of money,” he said. “What we’re showing in the video is an individual that decided that they would like to somehow make a change and make the world a better place on their own, and they succeeded.”

The video is as compelling as the song. It’s all summed up, in the last seconds of the video, in a quote by the late, Margaret Meade.

“Never doubt that a small group of committed people can change the world. Indeed, It’s the only thing that ever has.”

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

Nickelback is generously giving the proceeds from all digital sales of, “If Everyone Cared,” to Amnesty International and International Children’s Awareness Canada.

For an inspiring article about, “If Everyone Cared” check out Sebastian Prooth