“Sex is like a game of bridge – if you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand”
-Mae West

“If one hears bad music it is one’s duty to drown it by one’s conversation.”
-Oscar Wilde

“The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.” -A. nonymous

“As we lie beneath the stars…we realize how small we are” from Nickelback’s “If Everyone Cared” by Chad Kroeger

“In the final analysis, our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this small planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children’s future. And we are all mortal.”
-John F. Kennedy

“If you fail to prepare…prepare to fail”
-Maxim Chmerkovsky from “Dancing With The Stars”

“Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.”
– Albert Einstein

“In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”
-Martin Luther King Jr.

“Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.”
– John F. Kennedy (1917-1963)

“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.”
– Woody Allen

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

Special thanks to Sebastian Prooth for JFK, Laura Pinto for Mae West and Woody Allen, Eddie Hodges for Oscar Wilde, and Laila Ali for Maxim Chmerkovsky.

To reach Sebastian Prooth

To reach Laura Pinto

Laura Pinto’s collection of quotes



Now that Britney and Paris, are temporarily out of action, Lindsay Lohan is the most searched name on the web. She also made it to the top of the Maxim Top 100 list and has been voted People’s first “Skank Of The Week!”


When “Dancing With The Stars” judges deducted one point from Helio and Julianne’s score for being, “Too Sexy”, they dressed and rushed off stage.

After scientists released findings last week that X-rays of of a skull fossil suggest that human ancestors had pea sized brains, it was discovered that they were mistakingly looking at Rosie O’Donnell’s MRI results!

An intern at Bethesda, Md. hospital was arrested yesterday after he tried to slip a “Do not resuscitate” bracelet on Vice-President Cheney, during a routine physical.

EXTRA! EXTRA! KRISTEN BELL BLOWS! EXCLUSIVE PHOTOS! Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled high with flours as Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.

At the Republican debate in Columbia, South Carolina last night, the 10 “Mass Debaters”, ended the evening by joining hands and singing “Nothing Could Be Finer Than To Be In Carolina”, which the press thought was “cute”. Things turned ugly, however, when Rudy Giuliani did the “Full Monte”!

When a reporter from the National Enquirer, asked Paris Hilton, how she would she define “enough sex”? She smiled and said, “More than anyone ever gets.”

Has anyone noticed the resemblance between “American Idol” finalist, Melinda Doolittle and Shrek 3 which happens to open on Friday? Is it a coincidence or possibly one of cleverest marketing ploys of all time?


Never underestimate the power of the Disney corporation. When Mickey Mouse, their most popular character, was used by Hamas to teach hatred of the West to Mid-Eastern children, Disney sent in their crack anti-copyright infringement SWAT team, to shut them down. In less than 24 hours, not only was the offensive show taken off the air, but the actor playing the mouse turned out to be Osama Bin Laden, and was taken into custody…officially ending the war on terrorism!

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne


“If Everyone Cared” by Nickelback, is the most important song to come along since “Blowin’ In The Wind” by Bob Dylan. It has inspired and engaged everyone I know who’s taken a few minutes to listen to it! It wasn’t created as an anthem to raise money like, “Do You Know It’s Christmas” or “We Are The World”, it was written because it had to be written…and a video was made because it had to be made!

I don’t know about you…but I’m still singing along. Although Nickeback performed the song in their familiar rock style, you can hear the Folk and Gospel influence deep within it’s musical structure. A lot of friends of mine, who can’t find their kind of music anymore, are going to be pleasantly surprised by this treasure.

Chad Kroeger, lead singer and writer of “If Everyone Cared” said in an interview. “We wanted to inspire people that were going to see the video and maybe show people that you don’t need a team of personnel, you don’t need a lot of money,” he said. “What we’re showing in the video is an individual that decided that they would like to somehow make a change and make the world a better place on their own, and they succeeded.”

The video is as compelling as the song. It’s all summed up, in the last seconds of the video, in a quote by the late, Margaret Meade.

“Never doubt that a small group of committed people can change the world. Indeed, It’s the only thing that ever has.”

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

Nickelback is generously giving the proceeds from all digital sales of, “If Everyone Cared,” to Amnesty International and International Children’s Awareness Canada.

For an inspiring article about, “If Everyone Cared” check out Sebastian Prooth


Mama’s Behind You
By Artie Wayne

She may be far away…even a star away
But each and every day…I know she’s lookin’ out for me

When I’m low on self-esteem
‘Cause a nightmare’s replaced the dream
When it all isn’t all it seems
I think of way back when…it was all so simple then.

When a storm was scarin’ me
Mama’d say so lovingly
Clouds of grey may be all you see
But there’s still a sun above you and someone who’ll always love you!

Mama’s Behind You when trouble blinds you
And you can’t find your way
She will be there to comfort and spare you
Some of the hurtin’ that you may go through!

Mama’s Behind you let me remind you
Whatever you might do
Keep thinkin’ of her unconditional love
Mama’s Behind You…Mama’s Behind You!

Even in her photograph
She could always make me laugh
Even when I was torn in half
She knew just what to do…to put the pieces back together!

Mama’s Behind You when trouble blinds you
And you can’t find your way
She will be there to comfort and spare you
Some of the hurtin’ that you may go through!

Mama’s Behind you let me remind you
Whatever you might do
Keep thinkin’ of her unconditional love
Mama’s Behind You…Mama’s Behind You!

Copyright 2007 by WayneArt music

Above picture Mrs. Lucylle Hicks with an unnamed friend.


While Spiderman was standing at the box office counting the receipts for his latest blockbuster movie, Shrek 3 sneaked up behind him and knocked him out with a two by four, and ran away with the weekend!

At the annual Girl Scouts dinner, Alec Baldwin and David Hasselhoff, had a fistfight over who was more deserving of being “Father Of The Year”

When The Houston Museum Of Natural Science, said they would buy cockroaches for 25 cents apiece to fill a new exhibit, they never expected to shell out 2.2 million dollars. Nor did they expect the board of health to shut them down so quickly!

An international incident was narrowly averted, when Ex-President Bill Clinton was taken into custody before he could grope the Queen, at the Kentucky Derby.

When Chelsea Clinton, asked a returning US Soldier about fear.He said that there were only three things he was afraid of: “Osama, Obama, and Yo’ Mama.”

The Frito Bandito, was arrested yesterday by the authorities when he tried to sneak across the border into the US with 1000 lbs. of salted contraband.

While packing to go to jail, Paris Hilton and her mother were watching the Republican “Mass Debaters” on TV. When it was candidate Mitt Romney’s turn to speak, Paris exclaimed, “He doesn’t sound like a moron!” Her mother smiled and replied, ” I said he was a Mormon…not a moron, dear”

The 65 million dollar lawsuit against a dry cleaners by a Washington D.C. judge for losing a pair of pants, has been thrown out of court! The Supreme court ruled that the suit was ridiculous and no pair of pants is worth more than 60 million dollars!

If you want to see Brooke Shields go viral!

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

Thanks to Phil X. Milstein and Patti Dahlstrom for their submissions and to the late Harvey Miller who helps me with this column every week.


I’ve been a member of Spectropop, the 60’s music forum for about four years, and have reunited on line with many of my old friends in the music business. Ron Dante, producer and former lead singer of the Archies, Al Kooper writer and producer, and Artie Butler, Arranger. I’ve also become friendly online with dozens of other songwriters, producers musicians, and disc jockeys I didn’t know before.

For almost a year I’ve been corresponding with Eddie Hodges, former child actor (“The Music Man”, “Come Blow Your Horn”) and recording artist (“I’m Gonna’ Knock On Your Door”, “Girls, Girls, Girls, Were Made To Love”. He sent me an E-mail last week about an honor he received, which I’d like to share with you.


It was a great evening. I was honored as the first Mississippian to ever receive a Grammy, but the actual Grammy went to the orig. cast album of The Music Man. I just happened to sing a couple of songs on the album, but according to John Hornyak of the Memphis chapter of The Recording Academy, that qualified me for a Grammy commendation.
The performances were fantastic. Jerry Lee Lewis looked a bit frail backstage, but told me he was fine – he did three songs and played and sang well. Marty Stuart was the emcee and performed alone and with the North Mississippi Allstars. It was fun reminiscing backstage with Marty about mutual friends – his performances were absolutely electric – what a talent! The North Mississippi Allstars were incredible, and I got to see them jam at a club later in the evening when they sat in with a local blues group. The legendary James Burton also performed and was great. When the Williams Brothers got up and did an accapella version of”Amazing Grace” with impeccable harmony, there was not a dry eye in the house. The Governor called me up onto the stage to recognize me individually and I was moved to tears. He also recognized the son of the legendary blues man Robert Johnson, who also was there. What a thrill it was to meet him. If they have a DVD of the show, I’ll get a copy for you.

There were people from NARAS, BMI, Malaco Records, AT&T, etc. Hartley Peavey, of Peavey Electronics who co-sponsored the event, gave away two of their guitars to members of the audience. NARAS put together a video of highlights form past Grammy Awards shows in which Mississippians won Grammys. I was glad I decided to go.

Attached are a couple of pics. One is from the The Clarion Ledger newspaper in Jackson and shows the North MS Allstars and me in pics with the Governor. The other is just one I wanted to share with you that is a favorite from my personal collection and shows me sitting on W.C. Handy’s lap when I was a little kid.

I wish you could have been there. It was a humbling experience for me and my shyness was kickin’ my butt the entire time. But it was an honor and a privilege I will never forget.

God bless,


Considering all of the talented people who are from from Mississippi, including Elvis Presley, B.B. King, Faith Hill, and dozens of other artists, for you to have been the first mississippian to receive a Grammy is quite an honor! First I want to congratulate you as an artist, then as a humanitarian for earning your B.A. in psychology and becoming a mental health counselor!

You could have taken the dark road, as many former child stars have, but you chose a path of light. May you continue to inspire everyone you meet.

Thanks for sharing your joy with me and that picture of you and the father of the blues, W.C.Handy ( “St.Louis Blues”). I was about the same age as you were in that picture when I met Mr. Handy. His son was my music teacher.

Regards, Artissimo

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

Pictured at top Frank Sinatra and Eddie Hodges in “A Hole In The Head “, featuring the song that won the academy award, “High Hopes”

For more about Eddie Hodges

For Spectropop

For almost a year, I’ve been watching more television than usual and noticed something very alarming. Time-Warner Cable was sending programs to their customers with the picture out of synchronization’ with the sound! The disparity was sometimes short, sometimes long one, and sometimes a combination of both. Either way, as you can well imagine, it has been annoying!

Maybe I’m old fashioned, but I like my sound and picture fed to me at the same time! I went down to my local Time-Warner cable office to pay my bill and complain about this again. I was told by the manager that they knew about the problem. They said everyone was experiencing the same phenomenon, but could offer no solution. That’s when I asked for a refund, and to my surprise the manager said he would take $4.00 off of my monthly bill! I screamed, “$4.00 ARE YOU CRAZY?”

He tried to calm me down, and said to call him on Monday. When I called the number they gave me I reached the head office, hundreds of miles away. When I asked for the number of my local office, they said it was against their policy to give it out! I restrained myself from exploding and calmly asked to speak to the manager. The manager, who would only identify himself as Ed, allowed me to explain my problem and he said he’d send somebody out to check my cable. I agreed even though I knew there was no problem on my end!

When the repairman arrived he confirmed my suspicions that they could only fix the fault at the station where the signal is received and sent out. It looks to me like Time-Warner is more interested in building their monopoly than delivering good service to the reasonable expectations of their customers. The e-mails I’ve received e-mails from people all over the country proving this is not an isolated incident. My lawyer is trying to convince me to start a very public class law action suit, to let Time-Warner know that they can’t treat valued customers like this!