If It’s On The Internet It’s Gotta Be True! “Die Hard 4” Tops B.O. Buries Competition!

June 25, 2007

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Bruce Willis, took no prisoners as “Live Free or Die Hard” shot straight to #1, officially becoming the biggest movie of the summer! And summer only started last week.

Although Apple’s I-Phone isn’t released until friday, A bootleg version has already made it into malls across the country. Apple warns consumers that if there isn’t a picture of an eye talking into a cell phone on the back of the device…it’s a bootleg!

After winning an undisclosed amount in a libel suit against the English tabloids, Heather Mills smiled said, “You only need one leg to kick somebody’s ass!”

It was revealed after a mix-up at the DNA lab, that Larry Birkhead is actually the father of Scary Spice’s baby, while Eddie Murphy is the father of Anna Nicole Smiths’ Dannielynn, and Knut the baby polar bear.

 

 

 

 

 

pat-three1Websters dictionary has added the term “political correctness” to it’s hallowed pages…
“Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical liberal minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which believes that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end”.

Rosie O’Donnell announced this morning that she’ll be replacing Meridith Viera on the “Today”show, as well becoming the new host of “The Price Is Right”.Then she said this afternoon, that she’ll be taking over the “Tonight Show”. Finally, it was announced tonight that Rosie has been taken to Bellevue Hospital where she is being held for observation.

97 pound Nicole Ritchie told TMZ.com that she isn’t pregnant and the “baby bump” that appeared in pictures last week was only an olive she had for lunch!

EXCLUSIVE PHOTO! After being released from jail today, Paris Hilton (below left without make-up and underwear) tried to sneak into her limo unoticed. Our top photographer, Al Ketchem, was the only one of the papparazzi there to get this shocking picture that she didn’t want any one to see!

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Presidential candidate Barack Obama, has dropped out of the race after being caught with Amber Lee (above Right), who sings, “I’ve Got A Crush On Obama” http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4563509419827524955&q=i%27ve+got+a+crush+on+obama&total=7&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=0

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

Thanks to Patti Dahlstrom, Al Ketchem, Phil X. Milstein, Richard Yannotti for their contributions, and to the late Harvey Miller who helps me with this column.
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6 Responses to “If It’s On The Internet It’s Gotta Be True! “Die Hard 4” Tops B.O. Buries Competition!”

  1. Zen Wizard Says:

    Does “BO” stand for “box office,” or “body odor”??

    Because I have seen the trailer, and it looks like the stunt people and stand-ins really worked up a sweat!

    In fact, I think Mitchum® Anti-Perspirant should try to get product placement in the next sequel. Or prequel. Or requel. Or whatever.

  2. Joe Nelson Says:

    The story I’d heard was a little different. It was never a secret that Hillary Clinton would go to any length or depth in her quest for world domination, but the idea that she sees herself as Tony Soprano scared the shit out of Obama, who suddenly realized the Secret Service agents supposedly sent to protect him might well be in charge of insuring his departure from the race one way or another. Under those conditions, it was simply a matter of walking away or being carried away. I wish him the best.

  3. Alan O'Day Says:

    Artie,
    Your Final Edition? Sad to hear it. Maybe, as when they would throw a cape over the dramatically distraught James Brown, your fans will urge you to come back. At least for one more chorus? Please, Please!
    You have brought a lot of readers a smile at your hot news tips, and done a fine job of sharing music biz memories which should not be lost, as well as revealing the surprising breath & depth of your own contributions to our musical history. I know, everything changes, so I take this opportunity to publicly wish you great success with your book, and other future endeavors. Lastly, but most important, thanks for being my friend!

  4. Andrew C. Jones Says:

    The Bruce Willis Blues Band – I kid you not, it’s evidently THE Bruce Wills – is scheduled to perform July 6 & 7 at Harris, MI, near my hometown. Admission $50. I think I’ll pass.

  5. Makeup Tips Says:

    Hi hun, nice blog! I really treasure this post.. I was curious about this for a long time now. This cleared a lot up for me! Do you have a rss feed that I can add?


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