EXCLUSIVE! THE SUSAN BOYLE SEX TAPE!
June 8, 2009
After coming in second on “Britain’s Got Talent”, followed by a media meltdown, Susan Boyle is back in the headlines with her newly discovered sex tape! She swears that when she bought the tape of “One Night In Paris”, she thought it was a travelogue!
African-American, Samuel L. Jackson is the biggest movie star in history. He has often been second- or third-billed, or even farther down the credits, but if you just tally the money his films have earned, it adds up to over $3,000,000,000 — more than any other actor in history! Now, he’s set to produce, direct and star in a quirky comedy remake of “Gone with the Wind”. He will play Rhett Butler to Halle Berry’s Scarlett O’Hara. Hillary Duff, will recreate Butterfly McQueen’s, “Prissy”, while Hattie McDaniels’ Academy Award winning part of “Mammy”, will be played by Rosie O’Donnell, who’s said to be slimming down for the part.
MTV, now being called by some “Emp-TV”, from now on will only be playing 3 videos a day. The rest of the programming will consist of infinite variations of “The Hills”.
The Food and Drug Administration has issued a warning for consumers to watch out for fake male contraceptive pills that are flooding the market. The real pills don’t have a colorful candy shell with an “M” stamped on the outside!
After an intervention by Mo and Barney, Homer Simpson escaped from rehab and has vowed to remain off the wagon for the rest of his life.
Did you hear that after Madonna bought another little boy in Africa, she stopped off in Mexico to buy a nanny?
Paris Hilton, not the brightest star in the Galaxy, bought a franchise to open a Friday’s restaurant. She quickly closed it, however, when she discovered that she couldn’t make a profit being open only one day a week!
After all the death threats made against acid-tongued “American Idol” judge Simon Cowell, the producers have provided a bodyguard to protect him from Paula Abdul!
“IF IT’S ON THE INTERNET, IT”S GOTTA” BE TRUE!”
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