IF I DID NOW WHAT I DID THEN, I’D BE WRITING THIS FROM JAIL!

January 10, 2010

In the past I’ve been called bold, fearless, and challenging, but by today’s standards…I just might be called crazy! When I look at all the trouble the Sahalis got into for crashing President Obama first dinner party. I think about all of the parties, receptions, shows, and events I’ve gotten into without an invitation.

I developed the art of sneaking in backstage at Alan Freed Rock and Roll Shows in the “50s so I could get “discovered”. I would wait by the stage door and help one of the acts carry a guitar in and “looked like I belonged.”

In the ‘60s I got into private clubs during freezing cold New York winters by walking through exit doors backwards, in a thin jacket, convincing security I’d already been inside. I attended Beatle and Rolling Stone press conferences and concerts because I “looked like I belonged”. I’ve attended some of the most expensive events in the world without having a ticket….once I even made it into Buckingham Palace! One of the craziest things I pulled off 20 years ago would surely get me arrested if I tried it today!

“One quiet afternoon I get a call at my Hollywood apartmet from someone with an English accent named Lynn Douglas (not her real name), looking for producer Shel Talmy (The Who, The Kinks).  I tell her that Shel was staying with me for a while, but has gone back to the UK.  When she says that Shel’s the only one she knows in Hollywood, I introduce myself and ask if she’s the same Lady who teaches Yoga on TV.

When she says yes, gentleman that I am, I ask out to dinner. When I pick her up, she looks even more beautiful than she does on television.

For the next 10 days I take her to parties, clubs and out to dinners, but she won’t let me get past first base with her.  She says she’s going back to London in a few days and doesn’t want to have an affair with someone she may never see again”

Over the next few days, my creative juices are about to explode, but I restrain myself, and start to sublimate my feelings in a song.  I want to play it for her before she leaves for the airport, but the man at the hotel desk says she’s gone.

I jump in my car and race out to LAX, fortunately I know what gate she’s leaving from. Just like in the Carlos Castaneda’s’ book, Patti Dahlstrom gave me, “Journey To Ixtalan”, where the protagonist shows a blank piece of paper to a train conductor collecting fares and is given a seat, I smile and show the pretty stewardess at the gate an airline schedule I found on the floor, and she lets me on the plane!

I find Lynn sitting halfway down the plane as I stand above her, I smile and start to sing. When I finish the other passengers start to applaud.  An embarrassed, but flattered Lynn gives me a kiss, as I’m escorted off the plane by a stewardess, who can’t help but smile.

The next day I play “If All We Have Is This Moment” for Ann Munday at Chrysalis Music who buys half the publishing rights from me for $5,000 allowing me to follow Lynn and my heart to London, as soon as I can.”

Copyright 2011 by Artie Wayne https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/about-artie-wayne/

EXTRA! EXTRA! YOU CAN BUY MY BOOK ,“I DID IT FOR A SONG” AT AMAZON or Barnes & Noble or from Smashwords

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5 Responses to “IF I DID NOW WHAT I DID THEN, I’D BE WRITING THIS FROM JAIL!”


  1. I know whatcha mean Artie, I used to do all those Crazy things as well as most of the writer’s here in Nashville did when they wanted to!!!!(But not to the white House)!!lol. They did stretch it a little I guess but for goodness sake just having a little fun. If they were that serious about it they should have checked their Id. Right? Yea, it is getting so you can’t spit accidentally on the sidewalk without going to Jail. But you have to admit there are some “holy terrors” out there too. !!!!!We had the good ole’ days didn’t we Artie? Ride on Brother…..Love ya, Vikki Sallee

  2. Alan O'Day Says:

    Artie,
    Love these stories, & I want to read more! I remember you in your office at Warner Bros., frantically making cassette copies of my Three Dog Night album cut “Heavy Church”, to be delivered to your industry contacts, with a note saying “Next Three Dog Night single?” And it almost worked! You always “pushed the envelope”.
    AO

  3. Bernadette Says:

    I’m laughing out loud. It’s a different world today for sure. Your antics were harmless and funny. Kids today can’t be kids. But then again, boys will be boys and you went after what you wanted and succeeded. I know, I have 2 sons, and I am so lucky to have survived their teen years and later. Yikes!

  4. Country Paul Says:

    Great story, Artie – I think the shorthand for it is “Act as if.” It’s amazing how many people “buy” what you’re “selling” when you’re confident in it. Glad it had a happy ending.

    I also like the video – nice to see you playing and singing and really into it.

    Stay happy, my friend!

  5. Marva Holiday Says:

    Artie, I LOVE your stories. I also was a notorious party crasher and found myself at many wonderful events..uninvited..lol.

    Love this song. You sing and play with lots of emotion. When you’re done with the book, you need to get into a recording studio 🙂


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