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When Rosie O’Donnell, followed Elizabeth Hasselbeck home after their fight on “The View”, it’s fortunate that her husband, Tim Hasselbeck NY Giants Quarterback, answered the door. He was able to hold off Rosie until his wife could change the batteries in her stun gun. Ms. O’Donnell, will be arraigned in court on Monday…on 23 counts of being a bitch.

“Survivor” producer Mark Burnette and Chef Emeril Lagasse, have changed the name of their new show, “Adventures with Road Kill” to “Cooking On A Budget”.

The 28 planets recently discovered have been named after the 7 Dwarfs, Angelina and Madonna’s adopted children, as well as, 15 of Anne Heche’s multiple personalities!

It looks like the hottest show in the UK, “Are You Smarter Than A Monkey?”, won’t be coming to the US, until they find some celebrities who can beat the monkey!

Hugh Hefner, is recovering after taking an accidental  overdose of horse Viagra at the Kentucky Derby.

“Dancing With The Stars”, has been having trouble finding celebrities for their show since it was announced that attempted murderess, Amy Fisher and her former lover, “Bad Ass” Joey Butafucco, were signed for next season’s competition.

Lindsay Lohan’s had second thoughts about asking Paris Hilton to be a character witness in her upcoming trial for DUI and possessing cocaine.

“Naked Paris Hilton throws herself on the mercy of the court while a confused Tinkerbell tries to revive her”, is the controversial sculpture that has been removed from the Museum of Modern Art, for exploiting an innocent “bitch” ( referring of course to the dog!)

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Lynn Spears, put a shiny gold star on her daughter Britney’s little bald head, as a reward for not doing anything to make the tabloids this week.

Here’s a rare clip of Jay Leno dancing and singing with his sister as a kid. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICk1Msldu1w

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

For more of Lindsay, Paris and Britney https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/12/04/exclusive-photos-lindsay-lohan-and-paris-hilton-on-top-of-britney-spears/

Thanks to Alan O’Day and Richard Yannotti for their contributions, and to the late Harvey Miller for helping with this column every week.

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Presidential hopeful Hilary Clinton admits she’s been possessed with the idea of becoming the President of the United States ever since she was a child. Concerned political rivals, Barack Obama, John McCain, and Rudy Giuliani have intervened and chipped in for an excorcism!

On the first stop of their European tour, when The Dixie Chicks performed at the Vatican, Natalie Maines was outraged when the Pope refused to kiss her ring!

Angelina Jolie and Madonna are cat fighting again! This time it’s over who will portray Mother Teresa in the forthcoming biopic. Jolie wants to take the issue to the UN, while Madonna prefers to take it to Madison Square Garden!

The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, changes name to politically correct, National Association for the Advancement of Colored Persons.

Michael Jackson has been getting $3,500 in Tokyo, for spending 30 seconds with each fan willing to pay the price. Unfortunately, one little boy bounced a check on the “King Of Pop”, and was forced to go back to the US to work off his debt at Jackson’s “Neverland Casino” in Las Vegas!

Jerry Springer, former “Dancing with the Stars” contestant and controversial talk show replaced Regis Philbin on “America’s Got Talent”, when Philbin was allegedly hit in the knees with a wrench by Tonya Harding, and put out of commission!

The verdict is in at the “Scooter” Libby trial. The former chief of staff to Vice President Dick Cheney was found guilty of lying and obstructing the investigation into the 2003 leak of CIA operative Valarie Plame’s identity to reporters. Libby is expected to be sentenced to 30 years in prison, which means he’ll probably do a hundred hours of community service and a stint in rehab…if he isn’t pardoned by President Bush!

NEWS FLASH! A fistfight broke out on the White House lawn between the President and Vice-President Cheney just after the Libby verdict was read! As the two men were being separated, Ann Coulter walks by and phones a story into People magazine about two more politicians coming out of the closet!

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After losing to Binky, on the UK ‘s wildly popular TV show, “Are You Smarter Than A Monkey?”, Prince Charles is still walking around with his hand stuck in a coconut shell! So far, no one has the nerve to tell him that if he lets go of the peanut inside, he’d be able to pull his hand out easily.

When former “American Idol” contestant, Kelly Pickler made an unexpected turn and nearly poked out Ryan Seacrest’s eye with her new breast implants…he took the opportunity to ask about her recent aquisitions. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1nMojmkszI

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

For more on Angelina Jolie and Madonna’s catfight in Africa https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/01/02/if-its-on-the-internet-its-gotta-be-true-angelina-and-madonna-cat-fight-in-africa/

For more on Binky https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/01/10/if-its-on-the-internet-its-gotta-be-true-2007-elvis-sighting-in-brazil/

For more on Prince Charles https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/01/30/if-its-on-the-internet-its-gotta-be-true-exclusive-k-feds-superbowl-ad/