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When animal activists said, ” Knut the abandoned baby polar bear, would be better dead than be raised by humans”…animal lovers came to his rescue! At the Berlin Zoo, fans line up by the thousands to see him give the now famous “Knut Salute” to all of those foolish animal activists!

Last night when people tuned in to “Dancing with the Stars” to see if “the leg would fall off”, they weren’t disappointed! They were surprised , however, that it was host’s Tom Bergeron’s leg that fell off, not Heather Mills’ as expected.

Yesterday, Al Gore’s “Endangered Species” Luncheon, raised one million dollars to fight global warming! It was also noted that the Whooping Crane soup and American Buffalo steak was especially delicious!

The government of Zimbabwe has warned foreign journalists, “If they continue to report on the alleged brutality in their country, they will have the shit beaten out of them and fed to the hyenas!”

Hugh Hefner’s, “Girls Next Door”, Holly, Bridget and Kendra were arrested at LAX for bringing pornography into the United States! They were released immediately when it was discovered it was only their passport photos.

Additional funding for the Iraq War has become such a battle, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi now shows up for work in camouflage designer suits by Valentino.

There was so much pork added to the bill Congress presented to President Bush, last week, just reading it could give you Trichinosis!

Octogenarian and senior correspondent for “60 Minutes”, Mike Wallace, finally retired after his face cracked and crumbled into dust on last weeks show!

CBS, disappointed with diminishing returns on its Katie Couric investment, is considering cutting its losses, canning her ass and replacing her on the Evening News with veteran newsman, Ryan Seacrest!

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If you’re wondering how “American Idol” contestant Sanjaya got his start click onto this exclusive video of him dancing as a child! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ew1q-qSMZ5A

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

Special thanks to Phil X. Milstein

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