Paris Hilton, tells Barbara Walters that she has, “become a different person” since she’s been in jail. She says her change in attitude is due to a religious conversion and from now on has asked to be called Paris X.

Another stunt on an MTV “Punk’d” special went horribly wrong. Ashton Kutcher was taken to the hospital, when he was forcibly pulled off the “Pope-mobile” by Vatican security guards, after trying to Punk the Pope!

Attorney General, Alberto Gonzalez, is seeking revenge against those congressmen who tried to get a vote of no confidence against him. He is taking steps to deport anyone whose ancestors came to the New World without permission.

Now that democrats are calling an illegal alien an “undocumented immigrant”, should we be calling a drug dealer an “unlicensed pharmacist”?

A “contract” has been put out on the producers of the “Sopranos” after the stupid, unsatisfying finale aired last week. It’s especially distressing for TIVO owners, who are still trying to play back what happens next, after the last scene suddenly goes to black!

Dr. Kevorkian (the assisted suicide doctor) recently released from jail is back promoting euthanasia, while youth in Asia are trying to avoid Dr. Kevorkian completely.

Pepsi and Viagra teamed up, now you can pour yourself a stiff one!

Music fans are skeptical about the New Monterey Pop Festival in July, which will headline Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin.

The Berlin Zoo is trying everything they can to stunt the growth of Knut The baby polar bear, to keep him cute and a top tourist attraction, including cloning!

EXCLUSIVE! We’ve got OUTAKES from “The Landlord”, the Internet smash featuring Will Farrell and little Pearl!

If your not among the 34 million who’ve seen “The Landlord”, here’s your chance…

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

Thanks to Howard Wolen, Dan McGrath, Richard Yannotti, Patti Dahlstrom and Sebastian Prooth for their contributions and to the late Harvey Miller, who helps every week with this column.

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