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While Spiderman was standing at the box office counting the receipts for his latest blockbuster movie, Shrek 3 sneaked up behind him and knocked him out with a two by four, and ran away with the weekend!

At the annual Girl Scouts dinner, Alec Baldwin and David Hasselhoff, had a fistfight over who was more deserving of being “Father Of The Year”

When The Houston Museum Of Natural Science, said they would buy cockroaches for 25 cents apiece to fill a new exhibit, they never expected to shell out 2.2 million dollars. Nor did they expect the board of health to shut them down so quickly!

An international incident was narrowly averted, when Ex-President Bill Clinton was taken into custody before he could grope the Queen, at the Kentucky Derby.

When Chelsea Clinton, asked a returning US Soldier about fear.He said that there were only three things he was afraid of: “Osama, Obama, and Yo’ Mama.”

The Frito Bandito, was arrested yesterday by the authorities when he tried to sneak across the border into the US with 1000 lbs. of salted contraband.

While packing to go to jail, Paris Hilton and her mother were watching the Republican “Mass Debaters” on TV. When it was candidate Mitt Romney’s turn to speak, Paris exclaimed, “He doesn’t sound like a moron!” Her mother smiled and replied, ” I said he was a Mormon…not a moron, dear”

The 65 million dollar lawsuit against a dry cleaners by a Washington D.C. judge for losing a pair of pants, has been thrown out of court! The Supreme court ruled that the suit was ridiculous and no pair of pants is worth more than 60 million dollars!

If you want to see Brooke Shields go viral!
http://sjl.funnyordie.com/v1/view_video.php?viewkey=d552500a833ac828cd63

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

Thanks to Phil X. Milstein and Patti Dahlstrom for their submissions and to the late Harvey Miller who helps me with this column every week.

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