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Scientists have discovered A new planet that may be duplicate of Earth, able to sustain and nurture life as we know it! Until an official name is chosen, they’re calling it “Niptune”

After getting the boot on “Dancing With The Stars”, Heather Mills put the boot on and wore it home to a consolation prize of 60 million dollars from her divorce settlement with soon-to-be-ex Paul McCartney!

Former Beverly Hills madame Heidi Fleiss, has dropped out after failing to make the grade at the Socrates School of Philosophy, which only goes to prove “You can lead a whore to culture, but you can’t make her think!”

The real reason Rosie O’Donnell, is leaving “The View”, is that she discovered Barbara Walters has been secretly lacing her stash of Krispy Kreme donuts with Mescaline to keep her behavior erratic and the ratings high!

On a promotional tour in Jaipur, India, Richard Gere’s lips were taken into custody after he kissed Bollywood actress, Shilpa Shetty which is considered obscene if done in public!

Although Spiderman 3 isn’t in the theaters yet, the title is number one in bootleg sales! People who have bought it, however, have been disappointed to find that it’s only a clip of a Mexican midget eating 3 Tarantulas.

Phil Spector sat quietly, as the last juror in his murder trial was sworn in. Then he jumped up unexpectedly and led the court in a rousing version of, “Be My Baby”!

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Millions of fans wept, as Sanjaya , from”America Idol ” shaved his head to play the brother of a bald Halle Berry, in the new film “Nappily Ever After”

Alanis Morrisette is back with one of the best video parodies on the internet. It’s a cover version of the Black Eyed Peas ‘Lady Lumps”! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZw-8RSyvh8

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

Thanks to Stephen Craig Aristei, Dorothy Parker and Phil X. Milstein for their submissions and to the late Harvey Miller, who helps me every week with this column.

A special thanks to Tracy Morgan, from NBC TV’s “30 Rock”. When Tina Fey questioned him about some dubious information he found online, he proudly replied, ” If It’s On The Internet It, It Has To Be True!”

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Britney, Brooke, Halle, and Cameron from their new film, “Bald Is Beautiful”

Britney Spears, bald on top and bald at the bottom, was mistaken for a member of the Hare Krishna at LAX airport last night. When passengers started dropping change into the coffee cup she was carrying, airport security took her into custody for panhandling. When she was released, the police apologized and allowed her to keep the $26 she had collected, providing she’d buy a hat and some panties!

EXCLUSIVE PHOTOS! MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY ON TOP OF ZAC EFRON AND VANESSA HUDGENS! https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2009/01/04/matthew-mcconaughey-on-top-of-zac-efron-and-vanessa-hudgens/

Inspired by the successful reunion of the Police, last week at the Grammys, The Archies have gotten back together, except for Jughead who is still at large after being featured on “America’s Most Wanted”.

FIRST PHOTOS! PIGS IN LIPSTICK MARCH ON WASHINGTON! https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2008/09/10/exclusive-photos-pigs-in-lipstick-march-on-washington/

 Nancy Pelosi, the Speaker of the House, has taken several meetings with Eric Rice, one of the creators of Second Life, the most popular alternate reality site on the Internet. Rice wants a law to protect the rights of humans who visit Second Life and want to marry one of the virtual characters they design. He also wants to give them the power to delete any of the virtual children they may accidentally create!

In-And-Out, the fast food giant, has had a 22% increase in revenue in their Hollywood locations, since adding “A Stint In Rehab” to their menu.

EXTRA! EXTRA! KRISTEN BELL BLOWS! EXCLUSIVE PICTURES
https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/11/12/it-was-women-and-children-firstthe-day-the-bubblegum-bubble-burst/

The CEOs of all broadcast and cable networks met secretly yesterday to figure out how they’re going to fill up airtime once the Anna Nicole Smith story plays out.

After airline passengers were left stranded on a snowbound runway for up to eleven hours, without food and water, Jet Blue vowed it would never happen again! Now, every passenger, upon boarding, is issued a roll of Lifesavers and a package of M&Ms.

This year, with African-American nominees dominating the Oscars, Martin Scorsese Nominated for directing,”The Departed”, is determined not to get snubbed by the Academy again! The Italian dirctor on “Entertainment Tonight” sporting dreadlocks and a deep salon tan said,”‘Bout time we brothers and sisters finally be getting our props!”

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The Motion Picture Academy of Arts and Sciences, Has always kept it’s final tally of votes for each Oscar winner a well guarded secret. For the first time, the Academy has revealed how the winner is determined in the event there is a tie. It also explains why God is usually the first one thanked by the winners!

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

EXCLUSIVE! THIS MAY BE THE LAST TIME YOU CAN SEE LINDSAY LOHAN AND PARIS HILTON ON TOP OF BRITNEY SPEARS! https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/12/04/exclusive-photos-lindsay-lohan-and-paris-hilton-on-top-of-britney-spears/

CRACK IN A STAR ON HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD…BRITNEY EXCLUSIVE!
https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/12/01/theres-a-crack-in-a-star-on-hollywood-boulevard-quick-call-your-publicist/ 

Because you’ve been good, now you get “NOOKIE”S TOP CHRISTMAS AND “HAUKKAH VIDEOS for FREE!” includes Adam Sandler’s “HANUKKAH SONG”, the Full Original Version of “A Charlie Brown Christmas” , JUST ADDED JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE, CARRIE UNDERWOOD, TOBY KEITH, BON JOVI SINGING “THE HANUKKAH SONG!” and MUCH, MUCH MORE! https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/12/22/nookies-top-holiday-video-picks/