If It’s On The Internet…It’s Gotta’ Be True! Plus Justin Timberlake’s “Dick In A Box!”
December 20, 2006
It looks like Saddam Hussein won’t be able to compete as a contestant on next season’s, “Dancing with the Stars”, due to a prior commitment.
Have Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan taken a “time out”? None of the notorious trio have been drunk, arrested or flashed anyone in over a week!
Kevin Federline, has finally made it! He has been the punchline of 27 % of all the jokes told on the Jay Leno, David Letterman and Jimmy Kimmel shows, since his break-up with Britney Spears was announced.
The Indian tribe, who bought the Hard Rock Cafe chain of restaurants for a billion dollars, has put in an undisclosed bid to purchase New York’s Central Park. The Chief smiled and said, “Eventually we’ll get all of Manhattan back…even if we have to pay a little more than we got for it!”
Why was ex-congressman Mark Foley, in a “homemade” Santa Claus suit, being chased by a bunch of irate elves in Macy’s yesterday?
All the hype in the world couldn’t keep William Shatner’s, “Show Me The Money”, on the air. ABC execs claim, ” Not only were the ratings low…but it was just too shitty to continue.”
Did Donald Trump change his mind about firing, “Miss USA” Tara Conners, because philanthropist and homeless advocate, Hugh Hefner offered the recently evicted, Ms. Connors a safe place to stay and a continuing role on “The Girls Next Door”? What a guy, Hef even told her, she wouldn’t have to sign a morals clause!
Yesterday, stocks on Wall Street reached an all-time high…and so did Willie Nelson!
Was Justin Timberlake serious when he gave his girl friend his “Dick In A Box”, An uncensored , unedited Saturday Night Live Video! For Schizzle…My Nizzle! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dmVU08zVpA
Special thanks to Alan O’Day for finding “Dick In A Box” and not turning it in to the Lost and Found!
Copyright 2006 by Artie Wayne
For more “If It’s On The Internet…It’s Gotta’ Be True!” https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/11/05/if-you-saw-it-on-the-internetthen-you-know-its-gotta-be-true/
Even More “If You Saw It On the Internet…yada, yada, yada” https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/12/13/if-its-on-the-internetits-gotta-be-true-is-this-really-britney-spears-pussy/
To reach Alan O’Day http://alanoday.com
Justin Timberlake http://www.myspace.com/justintimberlake
Kevin Federline http://whothehellcares.com
The Banned Beatle Album Cover
In the early 80s I was absolutely apalled when someone took the tapes from the first Elvis Presley album, added “Disco beats, modern sounding instruments and effects”, while removing the excess echo that was my favorite sound on the original lp! I remember hearing a few cuts while I was waiting to be served at the Hard Rock cafe in Hollywood. I was starting to become physically ill from hearing some of my all time favorite cuts desecrated, so I walked out…but not before I complained loudly and vehemently to the manager! I chalked this one up to the Presley estate trying to breathe life into a dead horse! (no reflection on the Hard Rock’s hamburger, of course.)
The next time I was shlocked to my very core was when my friend, Alan O’Day, sent me the URL to the new remixes of Motown classics “remixed” by current top Hip-Hop producers. Although there were a few interesting moments…it was a futile attempt to improve upon musical history. http://motown remixed.com/
As long as I’ve been in the music industry I’ve admired, enjoyed and studied the sucess of Motown records. When I brought Nick Ashford and Valarie Simpson to Eddie Holland in 1967, I developed a strong relationship with many of the company’s writers and producers. I was also privy to many secrets of their phenomenal sucess. I used to sit (at different times) with Norman Whitfield, Hal Davis, Mel Larson, Jerry Marcellino, Freddie Perren, Bob Crewe and Michael Masser and listen to what sounded like instant smash hits, including early mixes of ” Touch me in the Morning”, ” Papa Was a Rolling Stone”, and “My Eyes Adored You”, all of which were initially turned down by quality control!
The endless remixing and meticulous mastering was the most important And the most frustrating part of the recording process. I remember sitting with Iris Gordy, who was head of quality control and listening to dozens of mixes of ten totally different tracks of Stevie Wonders production of “Let’s get Serious” by Jermaine Jackson. I was intrigued by some of the “radical” mixes and amazed by the subtlety of others. I asked Iris if this many versions were unusual? she laughed and said, “Sometimes there are hundreds!”
With so much care and respect Berry Gordy had for the music, it’s a shame that the new owners of the Motown catalog let someone come in and fuck with the music!
This past tuesday a double CD was released called “Love”, featuring remixes of the original Beatles hits along with an incredible advertising blitz. After hearing a little of about 10 songs, of this “Bloodless”, adreneline free remix, I couldn’t help wonder who put this shit together? Are the Beatles hard up for cash? Has producer George Martin gone mad? Is his son Gilles the actual producer of this CD set? What has Cirque du Soleil have to do with this? After reading the Associated Press story I understood what was going on! http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,229702,00.htm ,
I realized this was the soundtrack to the new Cirque Du Soleil Las Vegas Extravaganza that opened last July! This means I have to listen to it with entirely different ears. Unfortunately, that also means before I say anything more about the album I should hear it in context with the show! If the Cirque Folque are reading this, pleased be advised that Artie Wayne on the Web is ready to be flown to Vegas to check it and come back here to report the findings!
Merci’ and Auvoir
Copyright 2006 by Artie Wayne
To reach the Mirage where “Love” by Cirque du Soleil is playing
http://www.cirquedusoleil.com/CirqueDuSoleil/en/showstickets/love/intro/intro.htm?sa_campaign=internal_click/redirect/love
Artie Wayne On The Web 