If It’s On The Internet, It’s Gotta’ Be True! Angelina and Madonna Cat Fight in Africa!
January 2, 2007
The African baby races in Zambia this week, ended on a sour note. Angelina Jolie, beat the shit out of Madonna when she accused baby Brangelina of steroid use!
Pop Princess, Britney Spears, has agreed to star in the film of the long running “Vagina Monologues”, not only will her vagina finally speak for itself…it will actually sing!
African-American, Samuel L. Jackson, is the biggest movie star in history. He has often been second- or third-billed, or even farther down the credits, but if you just tally the money his films have earned, it adds up to over $3,000,000,000 — more than any other actor in history! Now, he’s set to produce, direct and star in a quirky comedy remake of “Gone With The Wind”. He will play Rhett Butler to Halle Berry’s Scarlett O’Hara. Hillary Duff, will recreate Butterfly McQueen’s, “Prissy”, while Hattie McDaniels’ Academy Award winning part of “Mammy”, will be played by Rosie O’Donnell, who’s said to be slimming down for the part.
Media tributes to the late James Brown continue, but I could’ve done without Robert Goulet singing, “Sex Machine” on the Today show!
The first project that Tom Cruise is expected to greenlight for his new production company is the sequel to “Late Great Planet Earth”, the $100,000,000 plus film that nobody saw! John Travolta, won’t be starring in this Sci-Fi thriller, by the late Scientology founder, L.Ron Hubbard, which is the story of the reincarnation of a great spiritual leader into the body of a little girl. That honor will go to Suri Cruise, precocious daughter of Tom and Katie Cruise, who was created to play the role!
As expected, Mel Gibson and Michael Richards have not only been forgiven by the public for their politically incorrect rants, but have actually been rewarded for their contrition. Mel’s film, “Apocalypto”, debuted at number one at the box office, while “Seinfeld”, the seventh season DVD, co-starring Richards sold 75% more in it’s first week than season 6! Rosie O’Donnel, wasn’t so lucky, however as all of the potential investors for her, “Ching Chow Chong, Chinese fast food restaurant”, suddenly pulled out!
It was revealed today that Osama Bin Laden was captured 3 months ago in Pakistan, and has been residing ever since in the basement of the White House. They’ve been waiting for the most politically advantageous time to announce his capture. President Bush, however, has had second thoughts about bringing Bin Laden to the “State Of The Union Address” on a Leash.
MTV, now being called by some “Empty-V”, from now on will only be playing 3 videos a day. The rest of the programing will consist of infinite variations of the “Real World”
Keefer Sutherland, has signed on for another season as Jack Bauer in Fox TV’s top show. Due to stipulations in his new contract, which call for a shorter work week, the name of the series will be changed from “24” to “19”.
Copyright 2006 by Artie Wayne
Bobby Lee of Mad TV
I’ve always been a fan of TV commercials…and find many of them to be much more entertaining and informative than the show I’m watching. I’ve also wondered how far some of them would go to sell their product? In the past 24 hours, I’ve seen commercials on broadcast TV that have left me a bit dazed and confused! Pepto-Bismol has a new one running with Mega-Monsters singing and acting out their infamous jingle that includes the classic lines, “For Headaches…Upset Stomach…and Diarrea!” Informative? Yes. Entertaining? Perhaps…but not while I’m having my dinner!
Burger King has also launched a new campaign, one that hawks hamburgers that are so good they make you want to “sit” to enjoy them. In fact he announcer promises they’ll make you, “Full Of “Sit”. What are we all going to see next, a progressive mortuary that offers a “Pay Now…Go Later plan”? Hear a new theme song for Trojan condoms…with James Brown singing, “Papa’s Got A Brand New Bag”?
Finally, I admit It took me two days to work up the courage to write about the C.I.A. TV recruitment ad I saw on “Dancing with the Stars” last week. The once highly secret organization has never taken scrutiny lightly from the media and I imagined the same would go for bloggers! Logic told me, however, that if they were going public like this then they wouldn’t mind being written and talked about. So far nobody has shown up in blacksuits and sunglasses threatening to beat my ass. So I guess it’s safe to continue.
I don’t have Tivo so I sit usually sit through the commercials. Last night as I was watching the hilarious antics of Bobby Lee on MAD TV, they ran a 30 second recruitment ad for the C.I.A. I wonder how many people who saw that ad, knew it was for real…and not just a parody? I also wonder if and when the media will examine this Phenomenon? If you want to see what i’m talking about watch this!
MARLON BRANDO And His Influence On Pop Music
July 31, 2006
MARLON BRANDO 4/3/24 – 7/1/o4
Although Marlon Brando’s musical abilities were limited to playing
“Bongos” at “Beatnik” parties during the fifties, his influence on
pop music for decades was undeniable. When we think about “Black
Denim Trousers and Motorcycle Boots” by the Cheers, in the 50s’, “He’s
A Rebel”by the Crystals, or “Leader of the Pack” by the Shangri-las
in the 60s’……..Who comes to mind? Yeah…….Marlon Brando, “the
Wild One”in his black leather jacket and dungarees…..the kind they
wouldn’t let us wear in high school!
I heard that Elvis wouldn’t smile in his early photos because Marlon
never did. When he became “the Godfather” in the seventies it became
difficult to listen to the beautiful theme without visualizing Marlon
and his “puffy” cheeks. Even when James Brown was justifiably called
the “Godfather of Soul”, we all gave a nod to Marlon.
I remember when I went to Tahiti and Bora-Bora, in the 80’s
the question I was most asked by the natives was, “Did I know Marlon
Brando?”.
I wish I did………..respectfully, Artie Wayne http://artiewayne.com
Copyright 2009 by Artie Wayne https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/about-artie-wayne/
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IRVING GREEN R.I.P. ROCK N PERPETUITY!
July 4, 2006
IRVING GREEN 2/6/16 – 7/1/06
What do Sarah Vaughn, The Platters, Brook Benton, Patti Page,
The Diamonds, Del Vikings, James Brown, Dinah Washington,
Roger Miller, Jerry Lee Lewis, Frankie Laine, The Troggs,
Wayne Fontana, the Mindbenders, the Troggs, Leslie Gore, Blue
Cheer, Manfred Mann, Steam, Freddie and the Dreamers, Dusty
Springfield, Keith, Paul Mauriat, Jay and the Techniques,
David Bowie, The Blues Magoos, Spanky and Our Gang, Crispian
St. Peters, Jerry Butler, Bobby Hebb, Louie Armstrong. and
Rod Stewart all have in common?
They all recorded for Irving Green, who owned Mercury Records,
a little indie who could… and did… become a major label!
He also owned Smash and distributed Phillips records and all
of their subsidiaries. He was one of the first champions of
Rock and Roll and Mercury was the first major company to
promote Black artists to crossover into the Pop mainstream.
It also was the first to have an African-American as Vice-
President of A+R, Quincy Jones.
Although he repeatedly asked me to call him Irv, I always
called him Mr. Green, out of respect for his daughter Kelli
Ross, who was my partner in Alouette Productions. Not many
people knew that Mr. Green was a silent partner in our
publishing and administration firm.
He was one of the few CEOS I’ve ever known who an artist
could talk to. Although he wasn’t a producer, I remember
when James Brown recorded briefly for Smash, he wouldn’t go
into the recording studio without Mr. Green being there.
From time to time he’d ask me to go “undercover” for him. In
the last days of Cameo-Parkway records, he asked me to
introduce him to my friends Neil Bogart, who was running the
label and Bob Reno, who was with the publishing company. He
wanted to get them to come over to Mercury, but Neil and Bob
wound up going to Buddah Records instead. A few years later,
Bob Reno did have a successful stint at Mercury, as head of
MRC publishing and later as head of A+R.
When the Lovin’ Spoonful were about to re-sign with Kama-Sutra,
Mr.Green sent me to Wilkes-Barre to meet up with my old pals
and offer them a check for a million dollars to defect to
Mercury! When I mentioned to him that he hadn’t signed it, he
said, “When they sign a contract…I’ll sign the check!”
The last time I saw him it was 35 years ago hanging out at
Quincy’s house. He said he would leave the music business
when it stopped being fun. I guess it stopped being fun when
a big conglomerate bought him out. A few years later he went
into semi-retirement and moved to Palm Springs.
Although I’d heard he had become a top land developer, I will
always remember him as one of the greatest developers of pop
music and the human potential. Thank you for believing in me
and helping me to believe in myself.
Rest-in-Peace, Mr.Green.
Respectfully, Artie Wayne
From my forthcoming book, “I Did It For A Song”
Copyright 2009 by Artie Wayne
https://artiewayne.wordpress.com
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