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The African baby races in Zambia this week, ended on a sour note. Angelina Jolie, beat the shit out of Madonna when she accused baby Brangelina of steroid use!

Pop Princess, Britney Spears, has agreed to star in the film of the long running “Vagina Monologues”, not only will her vagina finally speak for itself…it will actually sing!

African-American, Samuel L. Jackson, is the biggest movie star in history. He has often been second- or third-billed, or even farther down the credits, but if you just tally the money his films have earned, it adds up to over $3,000,000,000 — more than any other actor in history! Now, he’s set to produce, direct and star in a quirky comedy remake of “Gone With The Wind”. He will play Rhett Butler to Halle Berry’s Scarlett O’Hara. Hillary Duff, will recreate Butterfly McQueen’s, “Prissy”, while Hattie McDaniels’ Academy Award winning part of “Mammy”, will be played by Rosie O’Donnell, who’s said to be slimming down for the part.

Media tributes to the late James Brown continue, but I could’ve done without Robert Goulet singing, “Sex Machine” on the Today show!

The first project that Tom Cruise is expected to greenlight for his new production company is the sequel to “Late Great Planet Earth”, the $100,000,000 plus film that nobody saw! John Travolta, won’t be starring in this Sci-Fi thriller, by the late Scientology founder, L.Ron Hubbard, which is the story of the reincarnation of a great spiritual leader into the body of a little girl. That honor will go to Suri Cruise, precocious daughter of Tom and Katie Cruise, who was created to play the role!

As expected, Mel Gibson and Michael Richards have not only been forgiven by the public for their politically incorrect rants, but have actually been rewarded for their contrition. Mel’s film, “Apocalypto”, debuted at number one at the box office, while “Seinfeld”, the seventh season DVD, co-starring Richards sold 75% more in it’s first week than season 6! Rosie O’Donnel, wasn’t so lucky, however as all of the potential investors for her, “Ching Chow Chong, Chinese fast food restaurant”, suddenly pulled out!

It was revealed today that Osama Bin Laden was captured 3 months ago in Pakistan, and has been residing ever since in the basement of the White House. They’ve been waiting for the most politically advantageous time to announce his capture. President Bush, however, has had second thoughts about bringing Bin Laden to the “State Of The Union Address” on a Leash.

MTV, now being called by some “Empty-V”, from now on will only be playing 3 videos a day. The rest of the programing will consist of infinite variations of the “Real World”

Keefer Sutherland, has signed on for another season as Jack Bauer in Fox TV’s top show. Due to stipulations in his new contract, which call for a shorter work week, the name of the series will be changed from “24” to “19”.

Copyright 2006 by Artie Wayne

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After a domestic dispute with Streaker, Whoppy runs away from home. A neighbor brings him back after finding him stuck in his doggie door!

Did you hear that after Madonna bought a little boy in Africa, she stopped off in Mexico to buy a nanny?

Congratulations to Triumph, the insult comic dog, who just became spokesman for Grey Poopon mustard!

Last night, rapper 50 Cents was arrested outside of a Manhattan dance club for allegedly beating his own ass!

Condoleeza Rice and Hilary Clinton are racing up the pop music charts with their first duet, “You Ain’t Woman Enough To Run This Land!” To hear it just click onto http://i.euniverse.com/funpages/cms_content/13180/HillaryCondi_HoDown.swf

Mel Gibson, still repenting for his drunken anti-semetic remarks, is sending out invitations to his own bris! I guess nothing shows sincerity like a circumcision!

Jessica Simpson, reportedly was an hour late for her doctors appointment because she was studying for her blood test!

Construction worker Dick Hertz, tried to return a monkey’s paw he allegedly found in a bowl of chili at a fast food restaurant. He was promptly arrested for fraud when it was discovered that he used up all three wishes that come with the monkey’s paw.

Simon Cowell, has been named as the new host of “The Price is Right” to replace Bob Barker, who is starting to crumble into dust.

Kelly Clarkson is alive and well although she appears in the video, “Rock and Roll Heaven” which is a tribute to dead rock stars. just click onto https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/08/20/rock-and-roll-heaven/

Copyright 2006- by Artie Wayne