January 2, 2007
The African baby races in Zambia this week, ended on a sour note. Angelina Jolie, beat the shit out of Madonna when she accused baby Brangelina of steroid use!
Pop Princess, Britney Spears, has agreed to star in the film of the long running “Vagina Monologues”, not only will her vagina finally speak for itself…it will actually sing!
African-American, Samuel L. Jackson, is the biggest movie star in history. He has often been second- or third-billed, or even farther down the credits, but if you just tally the money his films have earned, it adds up to over $3,000,000,000 — more than any other actor in history! Now, he’s set to produce, direct and star in a quirky comedy remake of “Gone With The Wind”. He will play Rhett Butler to Halle Berry’s Scarlett O’Hara. Hillary Duff, will recreate Butterfly McQueen’s, “Prissy”, while Hattie McDaniels’ Academy Award winning part of “Mammy”, will be played by Rosie O’Donnell, who’s said to be slimming down for the part.
Media tributes to the late James Brown continue, but I could’ve done without Robert Goulet singing, “Sex Machine” on the Today show!
The first project that Tom Cruise is expected to greenlight for his new production company is the sequel to “Late Great Planet Earth”, the $100,000,000 plus film that nobody saw! John Travolta, won’t be starring in this Sci-Fi thriller, by the late Scientology founder, L.Ron Hubbard, which is the story of the reincarnation of a great spiritual leader into the body of a little girl. That honor will go to Suri Cruise, precocious daughter of Tom and Katie Cruise, who was created to play the role!
As expected, Mel Gibson and Michael Richards have not only been forgiven by the public for their politically incorrect rants, but have actually been rewarded for their contrition. Mel’s film, “Apocalypto”, debuted at number one at the box office, while “Seinfeld”, the seventh season DVD, co-starring Richards sold 75% more in it’s first week than season 6! Rosie O’Donnel, wasn’t so lucky, however as all of the potential investors for her, “Ching Chow Chong, Chinese fast food restaurant”, suddenly pulled out!
It was revealed today that Osama Bin Laden was captured 3 months ago in Pakistan, and has been residing ever since in the basement of the White House. They’ve been waiting for the most politically advantageous time to announce his capture. President Bush, however, has had second thoughts about bringing Bin Laden to the “State Of The Union Address” on a Leash.
MTV, now being called by some “Empty-V”, from now on will only be playing 3 videos a day. The rest of the programing will consist of infinite variations of the “Real World”
Keefer Sutherland, has signed on for another season as Jack Bauer in Fox TV’s top show. Due to stipulations in his new contract, which call for a shorter work week, the name of the series will be changed from “24” to “19”.
Copyright 2006 by Artie Wayne
November 29, 2006
No, it’s not ex-Congressman Mark Foley about to turn a new Page.. it’s Howdy Doody and “Buffalo” Bob Smith!
I’ve known about the power of television since I was seven years old, and charged other kids five cents to watch “Howdy Doody” at my uncle’s, who had the only set in the neighborhood! I also remember performing in grade school every wednesday at “Show and Tell”, with jokes I learned the previous night from my other uncle, “Uncle Miltie”. In 1956, however, my whole world changed when I saw Elvis Presley on the Ed Sullivan show! Up until then I wanted to become either a nuclear physicist or a clown…now I wanted to ROCK!
Unfortunately, I was a “Rebel Without Applause”, until I performed Conway Twitty’s “It’s Only Make Believe”, at a High School talent show. Now the girls started paying attention to me. I don’t know if it was my Ed “Kookie” Byrnes cool way of talking or my red Elvis jacket, but even the neighborhood gangs started to respect me and would give me a head start before they’d chase me home from school! My role models were high school bon vivant, “Dobie Gillis” and “Love That Bob”Cummings, who portayed a photographer/ playboy. I even sucessfully used many of their characters outrageous “pick-up lines” that me got me close to some of the most beautiful girls in the world!
I was in for a big shock though when I got married and realized that real life wasn’t, “I Love Lucy”, and problems weren’t always solved in a half hour. Unfortunately, we wound up in “Divorce Court”…but fortunately for me, I lost the TV in the settlement! For the next 2 years, my creative abilities and productivity increased significantly. I no longer sat in the front of a tv set and watch negative stories on the news, or look at a sitcom, where the laugh track would tell me where to respond! I read, I bowled, I had actual conversations, and then I moved to Hollywood!
I was General Professional Manager at Viva music for two months before I learned how to drive. I guess I had too much time on my hands, and against my better judgement I bought my first color tv set. I was just like a recovering alcoholic, testing ing himself with just one drink…then craving a half dozen more! All I needed was one more game show, one more made for TV movie or one more talk show then, I’d be able to go to bed.
When it became no longer enough to watch TV…I had to Live TV! I started flirting with sitcom stars I’d run into at the Hollywood market, Anne ( “Honey West”) Francis, Denise ( “Room 222”) Nicholas, have dinner with Yvonne ( “Batgirl”) Craig, go dancing with Linda ( “Happy Days”) Purl or just hang out with Sissy ( “Love American Style”) Spacek. In case there would be trouble at some of the wild parties I went to, I made sure to be around TV tough guys like Michael ( “Streets Of San Francisco” ) Douglas, Bill ( “I Spy”) Cosby, Max ( “Beverly Hillbillies”) Baer and David ( “Kung Fu”) Carradine. It was during this time that I also became friendly with a couple of TV comedy writers who “appropriated” some of my real life stories and used them on “The Bobby Sherman Show”…the adventures of a songwriter! Instead of suing, I settled for a few of my songs to be used on the program.
Then I got bored with TV and all the bullshit that goes along with it, even relegated my set to a little used room in the house. That’s when my career started to flourish at Warner Brothers Music, which had recently bought Viva music. I didn’t pay much attention to television for the next ten years.
Then one day in 1982 I was invited to the launch of a new 24 hour cable music network, called MTV…and that’s when I saw the future! I’d been a fan of Scopitone, a european jukebox that played musical film clips, but I knew it could never succeed in the US because of the “stronghold” American jukebox operators had on the market. I looked at “this” MTV, not just as another place to promote music but as having the potential to become the primary means of delivering music to the masses!
In less than 25 years, MTV not only fufilled the prophecy, but actually helped to change the music itself. In the first few years the network played the ubiquitous videos of English artists, Duran Duran, David Bowie and Phil Collins, Austrailian artists Men At Work and whet the appetite of the American public for more of the same! In addition to music, fashion and slang started to travel around the world at a record pace, but it took Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” album and a near boycott by CBS Records to break the color barrier at the network! Soon Lionel Ritchie and Billy Ocean were being played as much as Blondie and became regular staples of MTV.
For years , the network thrived on it’s legitimate pop content, then something odd happened. There were fewer and fewer music shows aired in favor of reality shows. After the success of “The Real World” ten years ago, the “Reality” floodgates opened. Today when we watch MTV and it’s sister network VHI, we see endless episodes of “Laguna Beach”, where horny teens fuck with each others heads, and “Punk’ed”, where Ashton Kutcher plays practical jokes that would get him an ass kicking in real life! Then we have “Next”, “Breaking Bonaduce”, ” Road Rules”, “Made”, “The Fabulous life of…”, “Flava’ Flav”, “Best Week Ever”, and “Celebrity Deathmatch”. The most obnoxious, though, is “Sweet Sixteen”, which feature rich little bitches-in-training conning their parents out of expensive sweet sixteen parties and lavish presents. It’s a series that’s an argument for an official sanction of corporal punishment!
As far as the music goes, when you can find it, most of the groups have a sameness about them. if you don’t look at the lower left hand corner of the screen you might mistake Panic at the Disco for the Killers, or All American Rejects. It’s just about impossible to tell what rap video you’re watching, since Kanye West, “Diddy”, Lil’ Jon and “Snoop” Dogg appear in almost all of them, as either a guest or a featured artist!.
It seems like most of the artists today are conciously making music to please corporations and music directors who have narrow taste and program for an audience who prefers not to think too far outside their electronic boxes. I’ve read studies on how too much TV eventually overwhelms the viewer and diminishes productivity. I don’t want to be lulled into complacency, so I’ve decided never to watch MTV again…after I see the finale of “Laguna Beach!”
Copyright 2006 by Artie Wayne
If you want to hear a recording that Terry Mace and I wrote and perform called “You’re in a coma with EMPTY -V” click onto http://artiewayne.com/music/coma.wma
Special thanks to Alan O’Day http://alanoday.com for helping with the re-mix
October 27, 2006
The Dixie Chicks
When I raved to a couple of friends on how much I liked the recent number one single, “I’m Not Ready To Make Nice” by The Dixie Chicks I didn’t expect to wind up in a political debate! I’m neither a Democrat nor a Republican, but I consider myself an original thinker. I will listen with an open mind…up to a point.
I’m feel blessed to live in America and be able to enjoy freedom of expression as an artist and a writer. I lived through many political witchunts and saw many writers and entertainers careers ruined by accusations that were exaggerated or sometimes even fabricated. When I heard, for myself, Natalie Maines (lead singer of the Chicks) make the comment that the band is “ashamed that the president of the United States is from Texas”, my first reaction was one of horror! How could she say such a thing about our president, in a foreign country at a time of War? I would imagine that such a statement at other times in our country’s history, during time of war, would be tantamount to treason!
When I saw their Radio play, CD sales and sale of concert tickets suffer, I thought it was a shame that the public still couldn’t seperate the Artist and the Art! I actually thought they had suffered enough, but just as I was about to forgive them and put on another cut from their landmark album, one of my friends showed me an article that ran in the Hollywood reporter on Thursday…
LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) – The company distributing a new documentary about the Dixie Chicks has blasted the NBC and CW networks for allegedly refusing to accept a commercial spot for the film, which opens in four theatere on friday.
The film, playing initially in Los Angeles and New York, revolves around the political firestorm stirred up in 2003 when the Dixie Chicks criticized Bush during a concert in London.
The Weinstein Co. distributed documents that appeared to be from NBC’s advertising standards division rejecting the spots and with the handwritten remarks about President Bush.
According to a source, the spot has been cleared for broadcast on CBS, MTV and on local NBC, CW, ABC and Fox affiliates in New York and Los Angeles, as well as on local cable systems, including local spots on Fox News and CNN. The commercial, posted at features footage of Dixie Chicks singer Natalie Maines.
After I read this, I shook my head and said to my friends , ” Haven’t we heard enough about this already?” One of my friends chimes in, “Yeah…Let Sleeping Bitches Lie”, while the other friend responds, ” Hold on a second…You ignorent slut!” While the shit is hitting the fan, here at Artie Wayne On The Web, I’d like to hear what all of you think about all of this. You can make your comment at the end of this article…
August 5, 2006
One of the main reasons I joined Spectropop http://spectropop.com was the appreciation, by its members, of the well-crafted Pop song, the kind that dominated
the Top 40 charts in the 1960s. I’m formerly a “Colored”, “Black”,
“Negro”, and currently a “Bi-Racial”, African-American songwriter/
producer/publisher, who started in that era, who is still interested
and active in all kinds of music today. Every weekend I religiously
listen to the Top Ten on MTV, VH1, Country Music Television, and the
Black Entertainment Network, to stay aware of the market. I’ll admit,
the last few years have been very discouraging.
The only genre in which the Pop song, as we knew it, has consistently
evolved is country music. The song is still well-crafted, cleverly
written, and heartfelt. It is also universally considered the most
important ingredient in the recording process. The field is currently
dominated by some of the best singer/songwiters, coming from all
around the world, including Gretchen Wilson (USA), Keith Urban
(Australia), and Shania Twain (Canada).
As far as music that might have evolved from ’60s bubblegum hits
Levine/ Resnick produced, Fountains of Wayne and Bowling for Soup
are really satisfying. Over the last year or so, I’ve watched bands
like Coldplay emerge who might be considered the grandsons of The
Left Banke. As I’m writing this I can hear Coldplay singing “Walk
Away Renee” in my head.
As far as the current state of rap goes, Its glorification of
inappropriate behavior and pursuit of things I care little about
overshadows everything else. How many times can you, “Raise your
hands in the air and wave ’em like you just don’t care”? Then, about
a year ago, I heard what Kanye West was doing and I knew from that
point on the genre had been elevated!
As far as R&B goes, the listening and viewing public is starting to
demand more from today’s artists. Check out by R. Kelly’s brilliant
“Trapped In A Closet”, which rivals anything Marvin Gaye ever
released. I can’t wait to hear what Usher, the Michael Jackson of his
generation, is going to come up with next.
Personally, I’d like to hear some more ’60s and ’70s songs covered by
today’s artists. Can you imagine “Happy Together” being done by Tim
McGraw and Faith Hill? or “Rock And Roll Heaven” being revived by The
Foo Fighters or American Idol Taylor Hicks? Alan Gordon, Alan O’Day …
are you listening?
One thing that I’m certain of for the rest of my life I will love songs — past, present and future. That’s why I want to thank Mick Patrick for helping to create and maintain one of the best music sites on the web… Spectropop!
Artie Wayne http://artiewayne.com
special thanks to Whoppy (pictured) for helping to make this announcement.
July 15, 2006
When I first went to London in 1965, Bess Coleman – one of the Beatles’ press officers and one of my co-writers – introduced me to Shel Talmy, a five star general in the British invasion of the pop culture. I was anxious to meet the legend who discovered, inspired and produced the Who, the Kinks, Chad & Jeremy and the Easybeats. About an hour before I met him, I was shocked to find out that he was a fellow American! When I knocked on his apartment door, in fashionable Knightsbridge, his beautiful assistant led me down a long hallway that was filled on both sides with more gold singles and albums than I’d ever seen in one place! As I sat sipping tea in his office, I heard someone playing a guitar and singing in the other room. The door opened, Shel introduced himself, as well as the singer I heard through the walls, Cat Stevens, who was there to play a couple of his new songs. Over the years Shel and I became good friends. He was one of the few people I could play a song for and get some good constructive criticism. Here he shares some stories and insights with me in this revealing Spectropop interview. Just click onto http://spectropop.com/sheltalmy/index.htm