A secret photo taken at Academy Award winning, energy conservationist Al Gore’s ranch in Nashville, shows the gift the local electric company gave him for being the largest private consumer of electricity in Tennessee.

Oprah Winfrey bought the rights to and will star in “The Anna Nicole Smith Story”. When her producers said, “That’s ridiculous!” Oprah told them not to worry, she was willing to gain a few pounds for the part!

Sylvester Stallone was detained at Austrailian airport after trying to smuggle body building hormones into the country. The highly anticipated exhibition match between Stallone and 10 top kangaroo contenders, to promote his latest “Rocky” movie, was abruptly canceled!

The new President of Mexico, Felipe Calderon has announced that his country will not participate in the next Summer Olympics. He said, “Anyone who can run, jump, or swim has already left the country!”

The “Paintball Recruits”, the Army’s latest weapon against terrorism have done it again! After an surprise engagement with the Taliban, the Paintballers waited until their paint had dried and hardened on their adversaries, then captured them easily without incident.

A fire this morning at Paris Hilton’s Apartment, was quickly contained, but not before it destroyed her entire library! Unfortunately, both of her books were lost, her autobiography and one more…which she hadn’t finished coloring.

First Lady , Laura Bush is still trying to explain the ounce of Columbian grass, customs officials found in her bra, when she returned to the U.S. today!

Although citizens of Washington, D.C. are now legally allowed to carry concealed weapons, night clubs are still frisking their patrons. If they don’t have a gun, the management issues them one…just to keep the odds even!

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Scientists have found the 1000 year old remains of the first politician to die of Pinocchiosis, the rare disease that makes your nose grow with every lie you tell.

Al Gore reveals his new invention to wipe out smog…called the Skyscraper!

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

Special thanks to Richard Yannotti, Sharon Link, and Phil X. Milstein for their submissions and to Bizar for creating the Skyscraper.