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” The future ain’t what it used to be”
– Yogi Berra

“Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same.”
– Oscar Wilde

“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather–who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”
– Author Unknown

“The wheels of justice go round, round, round…Wait a minute that’s a revolving door!”
– Joe Nelson on Paris Hilton

“The most terrifying words in the English language are: I’m from the
government and I’m here to help.”

– Ronald Reagan

“Rarely is the question asked, is our children learning?”
– President George W. Bush

“We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.”
– Apostate Jerry

“As I approach a new project, my process always begins with the question: what is it about? Here’s one answer that might apply to a Star Trek movie…” -Michael Piller, late Star Trek writer and producer.

“You’ve got to seize the opportunity if it is presented to you”
-Clive Davis, CEO of BMG Music Group

“Positive thinking brings you results you desire”
– Dr. Henry Mundt

“I remember once an Irish woman wished me well by saying ‘I wish you a good death’ and I was like, ‘Say what!?’ I thought about it and thought actually it’s a great thing to wish someone.“- Paul McCartney http://www.youtube.com/paulmccartney

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

Special thanks to Sebastian Prooth, Mark Petty, Sharon Link, Richard Yannotti, Alan O’Day, Patti Dahlstrom, and Laura Pinto for their contributions.

To reach Sebastian Prooth and read a complete chapter from late Star Trek writer and producer, Michael Pillar’s unpublished, unavailable book! http://sebrt.com

For Alan O’Day http://alanoday.com

Laura Pinto’s collection of quotes http://www.geocities.com/lpintop/sayings1.html

Mark Petty http://profiles.yahoo.com/markwpetty

Joe Nelson http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-5FiXa5s7dKNrfehkfjxA7gyx

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Scientists have discovered A new planet that may be duplicate of Earth, able to sustain and nurture life as we know it! Until an official name is chosen, they’re calling it “Niptune”

After getting the boot on “Dancing With The Stars”, Heather Mills put the boot on and wore it home to a consolation prize of 60 million dollars from her divorce settlement with soon-to-be-ex Paul McCartney!

Former Beverly Hills madame Heidi Fleiss, has dropped out after failing to make the grade at the Socrates School of Philosophy, which only goes to prove “You can lead a whore to culture, but you can’t make her think!”

The real reason Rosie O’Donnell, is leaving “The View”, is that she discovered Barbara Walters has been secretly lacing her stash of Krispy Kreme donuts with Mescaline to keep her behavior erratic and the ratings high!

On a promotional tour in Jaipur, India, Richard Gere’s lips were taken into custody after he kissed Bollywood actress, Shilpa Shetty which is considered obscene if done in public!

Although Spiderman 3 isn’t in the theaters yet, the title is number one in bootleg sales! People who have bought it, however, have been disappointed to find that it’s only a clip of a Mexican midget eating 3 Tarantulas.

Phil Spector sat quietly, as the last juror in his murder trial was sworn in. Then he jumped up unexpectedly and led the court in a rousing version of, “Be My Baby”!

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Millions of fans wept, as Sanjaya , from”America Idol ” shaved his head to play the brother of a bald Halle Berry, in the new film “Nappily Ever After”

Alanis Morrisette is back with one of the best video parodies on the internet. It’s a cover version of the Black Eyed Peas ‘Lady Lumps”! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZw-8RSyvh8

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

Thanks to Stephen Craig Aristei, Dorothy Parker and Phil X. Milstein for their submissions and to the late Harvey Miller, who helps me every week with this column.

A special thanks to Tracy Morgan, from NBC TV’s “30 Rock”. When Tina Fey questioned him about some dubious information he found online, he proudly replied, ” If It’s On The Internet It, It Has To Be True!”

Come On Down To Coverville!

February 3, 2007

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I was bitching to Joe Klein of Podcast voice guys, about how few cover records I’ve gotten on my songs in recent years, and he told me about Brian Ibbott, the creator and host of COVERVILLE, who has one of the hottest podcasts around, with 40,000 subscribers, who ONLY plays cover records!

I’ve always been proud of the multi-million selling cover records I’ve been involved with over the years, which include “You’re 16” which I gave to Ringo Starr, “Rock And Roll Heaven” by the Righteous Brothers, and “Daydreamer” by David Cassidy. So needless to say, as a songwriter/ publisher who’s still running hot and heavy in the street, this program is very inspiring to me! As well as providing information on who’s doing cover records these days, I was surprised how many new versions of my favorite songs from the the 60’s to the present are spotlighted on the show. I heard covers of Elvis Presley songs I’d never heard before by the Pet Shop Boys, Cheap Trick, John Mellencamp and Bruce Springsteen. There were covers of Beach Boy songs by the Troggs, Elvis Costello, and the Brian Setzer Orchestra, John Lennon songs done by Eva Cassidy, Dream Academy and Roxy Music. Surprising covers of James Brown songs from The Who and Concrete Blonde. Even artists like Metallica, and Pink Floyd, had covers as well as hundreds of others!

COVERVILLE was the first place I heard Johnny Cash’s “I Walk The Line”, recorded by Fuel…whose arrangement was at the center of a controversy on “American Idol” last year. Chris Daughtry, a finalist in the competition, who currently has the number one album on the Billboard charts, performed Fuel’s version without crediting them for the arrangement. What The Fuck! When has anybody ever credited anybody for doing their arrangement on TV?

Before I got all worked up about it…I thought wait a second, all this controversy is over a cover? Maybe doing somebody else’s song is cool again?

It’s been a bitch trying to get a song recorded by a group who writes their own material, since artists and managers have long realized that song writing and publishing royalties are sometimes the only source of income from their”Multi-Platinum” CDs. Remember, the poor artist is usually charged with everything a company can get away including outrageous studio costs, touring expenses, promotion, and the making of million dollar videos!

I remember hearing stories about Beatle manager, Brian Epstein, sitting down with John Lennon and Paul McCartney and forcing them to start writing more original songs for economic reasons. I heard that Andrew Loog Oldham, The Rolling Stones manager, convinced Mick Jagger and Keith Richards to do the same, which changed the musical direction of two of the greatest “cover” groups of all time!

I was there with “Papa” Joe Jackson, the day that Michael and the Jackson 5 escaped from Motown, weary of being forced to do “covers” on their albums and”other peoples songs” on their singles. I was able to help Joe get a $25,000 dollar advance, within 48 hours for their sub-publishing around the world based on songs that were yet to be written by unproven writers.The deal ultimately included “Beat it”, “Billy Jean” and most of the compositions on the 65 million selling,”Thriller” album!!.

Okay…Okay, The world’s a better place because of these self-generating artists…but how many artists today are capable of really writing “Great” songs today? I asked Brian Ibbott, why do cover records seem to be coming back?

“I think because the reasons people cover songs have broadened. It used to be a purely financial decision to cover a song, but these days, many do it because it’s an honor, and a tribute to a band that helped shape their own music. At least, in an ideal world, that would be the most prominent reason.”

“Brian, you seem very committed to your podcasts and to cover records?”

“Second to my family, Coverville has turned out to be the joy of my life. I look forward to new episodes, email feedback from listeners, and the music they introduce me to. I can’t imagine what I’d be doing, if it weren’t for the show!”

Personally, I’d be happy as a music lover and consumer to have a couple of familiar songs, I could sing along with, on every CD that I buy. Am I wrong? Wouldn’t all of you like to hear more of your favorite songs performed by more of your favorite artists?

Copyright by Artie Wayne 2007

Check out Brian Ibbot’s “Coverville”, he’s got an archive of over 250 podcasts you can download. Hear what all the buzz is about! http://coverville.com

For Artie Wayne’s website and complete discography http://artiewayne.com

To see Sebastian Prooth’s inspiring video of Alan O’Day’s brilliant update of he and the late Johnny Stevenson’s classic, “Rock and Roll Heaven” https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/08/20/rock-and-roll-heaven/

For Joe Klein http://podcastvoiceguys.com

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The Thinker by Rodin

Sidney Sheldon, creator of “I Dream Of Jeannie” and novelist, “The Other Side Of Midnight”, “Rage Of Angels” advice to writers, ” Don’t talk about writing…Do It!”

A long time ago, Quncy Jones gave me a tip on how to deal effectively with Hollywood producers, “Use “fuck” in your conversation every once in a while to get their attention!”

On people who give advice and expect other people to listen. Singer and songwriter, Jim Croce (“Don’t Mess Around With Jim”, “Operator”) used to say,” You can’t tell anybody anything…people have to come to their own conclusions!”

The Paul Mc Cartney of the Present, should have listened more carefully to the Paul McCartney of the past, and signed the prenuptual agreement! “Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play…now I need a place to hide away…oh I believe in Yesterday!”

“When she started to play, Steinway himself came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano. ” — Bob Hope, on comedienne Phyllis Diller-submitted by Eddie Hodges

Patti Dahlstrom turned me on to a couple of songwriter, Paul Williams’ best quotes… “There are those who listen, and those who wait to talk.”

“Every time God closes a door, he opens another, but the time in the hallway is a bitch!”

Patti also submitted this from ‘The Lives Of Lazarus Long” by Robert Heinlein

“Before you appeal to someone’s higher nature, you better make sure that they have one.”

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

 

After the “English Invasion” of the U.S. in 1964, at the urging of my friends, Paul Simon and Jackie DeShannon, I decided to go to London to promote my songs and productions. Bess Coleman, one of the Beatles press officers, with whom I was writing songs , brought me into the groups inner circle and I traveled with them on several stops of their, “Beatles For Sale” promotional tour.

Backstage at a venue in White City, George and Paul were playing guitar and singing to relax in with a handful of their old mates and confidantes. Bess introduced me to them, and just as Paul smiled and handed me the guitar for me to take a turn…John majestically strode into the room. Bess introduced me to him as the American who wrote the recent top ten UK hit by Helen Shapiro, “Queen For Tonight” (Raleigh/ Wayne) John, with a wide grin, shook my hand and in a deep voice sang a parody of my song, ” I am a Queen For Tonight…but will I be a King tomorrow?”…which had the room in hysterics! Unfortunately, I didn’t know they were laughing at John, who was poking fun at the husky voiced 16 year old Shapiro’s sexuality, which had recently been questioned by the press…I thought they were laughing at me! I was embarrassed, but managed a smile as I passed on playing one of my songs and handed the guitar over to John, who sat down and sang, ” I’m A Loser”.

Although that was my only personal encounter with John Lennon, it wasn’t the only connection I had. The first was in 1968, when I found a song, “John You Went Too Far This Time”, a reaction to the John and Yoko naked “Two Virgins” album cover, recorded by Sissy Spacek, whom I discovered and renamed “Rainbo”.
The second was concerning the original artwork of “Clouds” used on the “Imagine” album cover, which I was given as security from a friend who needed a fast $100.00 loan! I never asked my friend how he got it, but I knew I had to enjoy the painting in “secrecy” for as long as it was in my possession! Then one day, about three years after John’s assasination, my now well-heeled friend who gave me this treasure in trust, offered to buy it back. Although I knew it must be worth upwards of a $100,000 dollars, I just asked him to return the hundred dollar loan I made him originally. To this day I wonder was that the right choice?

Anyway, here’s a glimpse of this beautiful piece of art that hung for years in my office at Warner Brothers music. You can see it in the upper right half of the photo.

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Artie Wayne with Singer and Songwriter Patti Dahlstrom

Copyright 2011 by Artie Wayne https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/about-artie-wayne/+

EXTRA! EXTRA! NOW YOU CAN BUY MY NEW BOOK ,“I DID IT FOR A SONG” DIRECTLY FROM ME FOR $9.99 THROUGH PAYPAL. JUST SEND  TO artiewayne@gmail.com

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