Now that Britney and Paris, are temporarily out of action, Lindsay Lohan is the most searched name on the web. She also made it to the top of the Maxim Top 100 list and has been voted People’s first “Skank Of The Week!”
EXTRA! EXTRA! LINDSAY LOHAN AND PARIS HILTON ON TOP OF BRITNEY SPEARS! EXCLUSIVE PHOTOS! https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/12/04/exclusive-photos-lindsay-lohan-and-paris-hilton-on-top-of-britney-spears/
When “Dancing With The Stars” judges deducted one point from Helio and Julianne’s score for being, “Too Sexy”, they dressed and rushed off stage.
After scientists released findings last week that X-rays of of a skull fossil suggest that human ancestors had pea sized brains, it was discovered that they were mistakingly looking at Rosie O’Donnell’s MRI results!
An intern at Bethesda, Md. hospital was arrested yesterday after he tried to slip a “Do not resuscitate” bracelet on Vice-President Cheney, during a routine physical.
EXTRA! EXTRA! KRISTEN BELL BLOWS! EXCLUSIVE PHOTOS! https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/11/12/it-was-women-and-children-firstthe-day-the-bubblegum-bubble-burst/The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled high with flours as Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.
At the Republican debate in Columbia, South Carolina last night, the 10 “Mass Debaters”, ended the evening by joining hands and singing “Nothing Could Be Finer Than To Be In Carolina”, which the press thought was “cute”. Things turned ugly, however, when Rudy Giuliani did the “Full Monte”!
When a reporter from the National Enquirer, asked Paris Hilton, how she would she define “enough sex”? She smiled and said, “More than anyone ever gets.”
Has anyone noticed the resemblance between “American Idol” finalist, Melinda Doolittle and Shrek 3 which happens to open on Friday? Is it a coincidence or possibly one of cleverest marketing ploys of all time?
Never underestimate the power of the Disney corporation. When Mickey Mouse, their most popular character, was used by Hamas to teach hatred of the West to Mid-Eastern children, Disney sent in their crack anti-copyright infringement SWAT team, to shut them down. In less than 24 hours, not only was the offensive show taken off the air, but the actor playing the mouse turned out to be Osama Bin Laden, and was taken into custody…officially ending the war on terrorism!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lv3dvYhFk_Y
Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne
Time-Warner Cable Horribly Out Of Sync!
March 28, 2007
Warner-Cable has been sending many shows from ABC-TV to their cable subscribers slightly out of sync for the past several weeks! The sound is slightly ahead of the picture which can drive you crazy after a while. The discrepancy doesn’t matter much when Rosie O’Donnell is ranting on “The View”, but it made a hell of a lot of difference last night when everyone on “Dancing With The Stars”, seemed to be off on their every move!
Maybe I’m old fashioned, but I like to have my sound and my picture at the same time. Ever since Time-Warner bought Adelphia, I’ve been having problems…and not just technical difficulties…which I refuse to stand by for! They dropped several of my favorite music channels, CMT and MTV2 from basic cable and made them available only in a premium package. Since the company hasn’t made a deal with the CW, I’m forced to miss “Smallville”, “Everybody Hates Chris” and “Veronica Mars”.
When I called Time-Warner customer service rep and got an unsympathetic response, I said, “Maybe it’s time to get a satellite dish.” He said arrogantly, “Maybe it is.”
Well, MAYBE IT IS!!! Am I the only one having problems like this?
Binky is horrified after discovering he’s only one pair of chromosomes away from being human!
The world is reeling after a cell phone video released on the internet shows a silver haired Elvis Presley, celebrating his birthday in Brazil with his balding pals, Jimi Hendrix and Jim Morrison. Can a “Return of the Kings” tour be far behind?
Role model Paris hilton, in an exclusive interview with Entertainment Tonight, admits she’s not promiscuous and only has sex when she’s in a relationship. Later, she confides in People magazine that she had 112 “relationships” in 2006!
At his long awaited press conference today, President Bush, was outraged that the entire press corp laughed when he proposed enlisting the aid of Jedi Warriors and Storm Troopers to help end the war in Iraq. When informed by veteran reporter Helen Thomas that they all were ficticious characters from “Star Wars”, Bush smirked and said, ” Next thing you’ll try to tell me is that Spiderman isn’t real! ”
Shock Jock, Howard Stern just received an 83 million dollar bonus from his bosses at Sirius radio. It’s reported that he gets $100 every time he curses or tells an off color joke.
Several technicians at NASA were fired today after it was revealed that they were using the extreme close-up lens on the Hubble telescope, which circles 380 miles above the earth, to photograph Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan exiting cars in Hollywood!
A team of Iraqi sharpshooters, rifles loaded with silver bullets as well as local villagers armed with wooden stakes, are said to be watching Saddam Hussein’s unmarked grave 24 hours a day…just in case the execution didn’t “take”.
The noxious fumes that hung over New York earlier this week was deemed to be only the fallout from the raging feud between Donald Trump and Rosie O’Donnell.
Congress has unanimously approved the use of convicted Taliban as human missles. The terrorists, ironically, will have bombs strapped to them and dropped without parachutes over Somalia, to help wipe out their Al Qaeda comrades!
The video of the week submitted by Patti Dahlstrom should give you a smile! http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1734043
Copyright 2006 by Artie Wayne
If It’s On The Internet, It’s Gotta’ Be True! Triple Breasted Beauty Photo Exclusive!
December 26, 2006
Lara Banks, of Atlanta Georgia was eliminated early in the Miss America contest, not because she wasn’t pretty or smart enough, but because she was considered to have one up on everyone else in the the competition!
Darrell Hammond, of Saturday Night Live, is no longer allowed to do impersonations on the show. It seems his statute of imitations has run out!
Ousted Miss Nevada USA, Katie Rees, lost her case in the court of public opinion when Heidi Fleiss, Anna Nicole Smith, and Tonya Harding testified on her behalf!
In a recent survey, 95% of women since the 1950’s admitted to having had pre-marital sex…the other 5% lied!
“Governator” Arnold Schwartzenegger, always eager for a “Photo Op”, gladly broke his leg again as soon as the Paparazzi arrived at the scene of his skiing accident.
Next month CBS debuts the new reality show, “Armed and Famous”, in which celebrities join a real police department in Indiana and are issued badges and guns. Eric Estrada, Trish Stratus, Jack Osborne (Ozzie’s son) and LaToya Jackson’s first assignment is to hunt down Danny Bonaduce.
Bono seems to be taking his recent Knighthood seriously, and plans appear in a full suit of armor at U2’s upcoming New Years Eve concert in Dublin!
What did Justin Timberlake give Cameron Diaz for Christmas? Click in the box http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dmVU08zVpA
Copyright by Artie Wayne
For more “If It’s On The Internet…It’s Gotta’ Be True!” https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/11/05/if-you-saw-it-on-the-internetthen-you-know-its-gotta-be-true/
Even More “If You Saw It On the Internet…yada, yada, yada” https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/12/13/if-its-on-the-internetits-gotta-be-true-is-this-really-britney-spears-pussy/
To see “More” of Britney Spears…click onto https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/12/01/theres-a-crack-in-a-star-on-hollywood-boulevard-quick-call-your-publicist/
To see the”Most” of Britney Spears…click onto https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/12/04/exclusive-photos-lindsay-lohan-and-paris-hilton-on-top-of-britney-spears/