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A secret photo taken at Academy Award winning, energy conservationist Al Gore’s ranch in Nashville, shows the gift the local electric company gave him for being the largest private consumer of electricity in Tennessee.

Oprah Winfrey bought the rights to and will star in “The Anna Nicole Smith Story”. When her producers said, “That’s ridiculous!” Oprah told them not to worry, she was willing to gain a few pounds for the part!

Sylvester Stallone was detained at Austrailian airport after trying to smuggle body building hormones into the country. The highly anticipated exhibition match between Stallone and 10 top kangaroo contenders, to promote his latest “Rocky” movie, was abruptly canceled!

The new President of Mexico, Felipe Calderon has announced that his country will not participate in the next Summer Olympics. He said, “Anyone who can run, jump, or swim has already left the country!”

The “Paintball Recruits”, the Army’s latest weapon against terrorism have done it again! After an surprise engagement with the Taliban, the Paintballers waited until their paint had dried and hardened on their adversaries, then captured them easily without incident.

A fire this morning at Paris Hilton’s Apartment, was quickly contained, but not before it destroyed her entire library! Unfortunately, both of her books were lost, her autobiography and one more…which she hadn’t finished coloring.

First Lady , Laura Bush is still trying to explain the ounce of Columbian grass, customs officials found in her bra, when she returned to the U.S. today!

Although citizens of Washington, D.C. are now legally allowed to carry concealed weapons, night clubs are still frisking their patrons. If they don’t have a gun, the management issues them one…just to keep the odds even!

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Scientists have found the 1000 year old remains of the first politician to die of Pinocchiosis, the rare disease that makes your nose grow with every lie you tell.

Al Gore reveals his new invention to wipe out smog…called the Skyscraper!

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

Special thanks to Richard Yannotti, Sharon Link, and Phil X. Milstein for their submissions and to Bizar for creating the Skyscraper.

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Binky is horrified after discovering he’s only one pair of chromosomes away from being human!

The world is reeling after a cell phone video released on the internet shows a silver haired Elvis Presley, celebrating his birthday in Brazil with his balding pals, Jimi Hendrix and Jim Morrison. Can a “Return of the Kings” tour be far behind?

Role model Paris hilton, in an exclusive interview with Entertainment Tonight, admits she’s not promiscuous and only has sex when she’s in a relationship. Later, she confides in People magazine that she had 112 “relationships” in 2006!

At his long awaited press conference today, President Bush, was outraged that the entire press corp laughed when he proposed enlisting the aid of Jedi Warriors and Storm Troopers to help end the war in Iraq. When informed by veteran reporter Helen Thomas that they all were ficticious characters from “Star Wars”, Bush smirked and said, ” Next thing you’ll try to tell me is that Spiderman isn’t real! ”

Shock Jock, Howard Stern just received an 83 million dollar bonus from his bosses at Sirius radio. It’s reported that he gets $100 every time he curses or tells an off color joke.

Several technicians at NASA were fired today after it was revealed that they were using the extreme close-up lens on the Hubble telescope, which circles 380 miles above the earth, to photograph Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan exiting cars in Hollywood!

A team of Iraqi sharpshooters, rifles loaded with silver bullets as well as local villagers armed with wooden stakes, are said to be watching Saddam Hussein’s unmarked grave 24 hours a day…just in case the execution didn’t “take”.

The noxious fumes that hung over New York earlier this week was deemed to be only the fallout from the raging feud between Donald Trump and Rosie O’Donnell.

Congress has unanimously approved the use of convicted Taliban as human missles. The terrorists, ironically, will have bombs strapped to them and dropped without parachutes over Somalia, to help wipe out their Al Qaeda comrades!

The video of the week submitted by Patti Dahlstrom should give you a smile! http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1734043

Copyright 2006 by Artie Wayne