If It’s On The Internet, It’s Gotta’ Be True! Paula and Randy Secretly Helping Sanjaya!

Congratulations to Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson for turning “American Idol”, contestant Sanjaya’s life around with their fantastic instructional DVDs!

Not everyone, however, is happy with the results!

If you’re wondering why Simon Cowell, has been so nice recently? “American Idol” producers, tricked him into thinking he was having his teeth cleaned, when actually he was being spayed and neutered!

Now that Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, has brought peace to the Middle East, she’s off to Zimbabwe, vowing to end hunger in Africa by Friday!

The Pope is outraged that Paris Hilton is being considered for the starring role in the “Mother Teresa Story”…the Pope exclaimed, “It’s Lindsay Lohan or nobody!”

Speaking of Paris, now that her new “Home Movie” has been officially released, Fox-TV movie critic Bart Simpson said, “It’s one of the few films I’ve ever seen that sucks and blows at the same time!”

Heather Mills, soon-to-be- ex-wife of Beatle, Paul McCartney, has become one of the top contenders on “Dancing With The Stars”, in spite of only having one leg! Now when called “Yoko Uno” by one of her detractors, she takes off her leg and beats their ass with it!

This morning on, “The View”, Tokyo Rosie O’Donnell proposed a way to deal with the immigration problem and world hunger at the same time! Round ’em up and eat ’em!

Racially insensitive “Shock Jock”Don Imus, has been ordered to join the newly formed “Fair Play”dodge ball team, which includes Anti-Semitic remark making, Mel Gibson and N-Word using comic, Michael Richards. Their first game will be played Saturday on the court of public opinion against the recently maligned Rutgers Women’s basketball team!

“Girls Gone Wild”, head honcho Joe Francis, convicted of photographing drunken, underage girls naked for his popular series, has finally turned himself in after eluding the police for the past week. He will serve time as the only male prisoner in the newly opened “Lorena Bobbit correctional facility for exploited women” Good luck, Joe!

Special thanks to Chet Allen, Richard Kimball and Stephen Craig Aristei for all sending me this video of Mark Volman and Howie Kaylen, of the Turtles explaining how they kept getting screwed in the music business…over and over again!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JHN5HaUg28

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

To hear Sanjaya sing, “You Really Got Me”! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKF6TGQjasE

Now hear him sing “Bathwater” with his now famous “Pony-Hawk”! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Z9tUs8kTgE

See Sanjaya crowned as Miss America!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GCRKExf_Ksk 

If It’s On The Internet, It’s Gotta’ Be True! Exclusive! The Easter Bunny Strikes Back!

First they marched in, “March Of The Penguins”…then they danced in, “Happy Feet”…now penguins are revolting against Al Gore, who has been blaming their flatulence for Global Warming!

Simon Cowell, said he’d quit “American Idol” if 17 year old Sanjaya Malaka wins the competition! Now millions of Sanjayas’ fans are sending Cowell homemade signs that say, “Will Judge For Food.”

When the new miss USA, Rachel Renee Smith cleared her throat at an LA press luncheon, a visibly excited pageant owner Donald Trump, ran up behind her and performed the Heimlich maneuver. He was promptly taken into custody and held on charges of attempted rape!

When Ashston Kutcher’s series “Punk’d” was canceled after eight seasons on MTV, 126 celebrity guests, who were the butt of his practical jokes, returned for the last taping to beat the shit out of him!

At the Nickelodeon awards, instead of being “slimed”, Barney the Dinosaur had a vat of sulphuric acid poured over him by mistake! So far, nobody has complained.

Paris Hilton, prepared to go to jail for 90 days for violating probation, by packing 12 suitcases of clothes, 36 pair of shoes and 2 cases of mouthwash! She was told by authorities that was ridiculous…she wouldn’t need the clothes or the shoes.

A moratorium on jokes about extreme left winger,”Tokyo” Rosie O’Donnell has been declared, until all the hostages she took this morning on the “The View”, have been safely released.

Last week on “Dancing with the Stars”, Heather Mills wowed the crowd and judges alike, in spite of having an artificial leg. This week she dazzled them again, when she strapped on a third leg and did a lively “Texas Three Step!”

Pet owners have been advised not to go to, “Clip, Dip and Clone Pet Groomers” until some minor problems have been worked out.

For years the Easter Bunny watched cute cuddly bunnies and fluffy little chicks, he gave children as presents for Easter, abandoned as they became adults. Now the cotton-tailed philanthropist is going around convincing the public, one person at a time, that isn’t the right thing to do! http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-8960964691152966394&q=easter+bunny+goes+crazy&hl=en

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

Special thanks to Patti Dahlstrom and Sebastian Prooth

To reach Sebastian Prooth http://sebrt.com