Guide To Artie Wayne On The Web

Whoppy and Streaker look back over the past year.

Artie Wayne, a songwriter/ artist/ producer/ publisher and restaurateur. Artie has participated in or been witness to some of the greatest moments in pop music and world history, a subject which he frequently blogs about.

This is the complete guide to Artie Wayne On The Web. If you look in the URLs you’ll find the names and stories that might interest you.

From July 4, 2006 to January 14, 2007
https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/01/14/guide-to-artie-wayne-on-the-web/

From January 15, 2007 to April 6, 2007
https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/04/13/guide-to-best-of-artie-wayne-on-the-web-from-january-15-2007-to-april-6-2007/

From April 7, 2007 to July 3, 2007…Starts below
MOST POPULAR BLOGS

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/10/31/hank-medress-the-unsung-hero-behind-the-lion-sleeps-tonight-hes-so-fine-and-tie-a-yellow-ribbon/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/06/08/brief-encounters-with-clive-davis/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/06/14/driving-around-with-quincy-jones/ 

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/06/06/if-its-on-the-internet-its-gotta-be-true-paris-hilton-goes-down-to-jail/https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/05/20/brief-encounters-with-bob-dylan/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/05/09/if-its-on-the-internet-its-gotta-be-true-shrek-3-kos-spiderman-at-box-office/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/05/06/exclusive-in-1977-i-was-married-to-the-head-of-star-wars-merchandising/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/05/04/congratulations-to-eddie-hodges-actorsingerand-humanitarian/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/04/27/many-brief-encounters-with-neil-bogart/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/04/22/how-voting-was-rigged-on-american-idol-so-sanjaya-would-come-in-last/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/04/20/isnt-it-time-to-turn-the-television-offand-get-back-to-our-senses/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/04/17/you-cant-push-a-bullet-back-into-a-gun-2007

1. BRIEF ENCOUNTERS

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/06/17/brief-encounters-with-a-m-records-herb-alpert-and-jerry-moss/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/06/08/brief-encounters-with-clive-davis/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/06/02/brief-encounters-with-bob-crewe/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/05/20/brief-encounters-with-bob-dylan

2. LITTLE STORIES ON BIG PEOPLE

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/06/23/star-studded-nights-at-genghis-cohen/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/06/14/driving-around-with-quincy-jones/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/06/02/i-sat-with-george-martin-the-night-he-won-four-sgt-pepper-grammys/

3. R.I.P. ROCK IN PERPETUITY

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/06/28/bobby-darin-rip-rock-in-perpetuity/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/06/19/hank-medress-rip-rock-in-perpetuity/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/06/04/shel-silverstein-rip-rock-in-perpetuity/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/05/26/ben-raleigh-rip-rock-in-perpetuity/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/04/27/many-brief-encounters-with-neil-bogart/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/04/22/van-mccoy-rip-rock-in-perpetuity/

5. “IF IT’S ON THE INTERNET, IT’S GOTTA’ BE TRUE!’

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/06/25/if-its-on-the-internet-its-gotta-be-true-die-hard-4-tops-bo-buries-competition/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/06/20/if-its-on-the-internet-its-gotta-be-true-angelina-jolie-and-the-naked-truth/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/06/12/if-its-on-the-internet-its-gotta-be-true-what-paris-said-to-barbara-walters/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/06/06/if-its-on-the-internet-its-gotta-be-true-paris-hilton-goes-down-to-jail/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/05/30/if-its-on-the-internet-its-gotta-be-true-lindsay-sniffs-paris-strips-rosie-flips/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/05/23/if-its-on-the-internet-its-gotta-be-true-pirates-3-tops-bo-sinks-competition/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/05/16/if-its-on-the-internet-its-gotta-be-true-peoples-first-skank-of-the-week/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/05/09/if-its-on-the-internet-its-gotta-be-true-shrek-3-kos-spiderman-at-box-office/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/05/02/if-its-on-the-internet-its-gotta-be-true-exclusive-paris-blows-it-in-court/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/04/28/if-its-on-the-internet-its-gotta-be-true-first-photo-sanjaya-shaves-his-head/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/04/25/if-its-on-the-internet-its-gotta-be-true-startling-discovery-made-on-al-gores-lawn/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/04/18/if-its-on-the-internet-its-gotta-be-true-girls-gone-wild-ceo-breaks-out-of-jail/

6. ADVANCED BLOGGING https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/06/21/exclusive-advanced-blogging-secrets-blogging-help-with-amazing-results/

7. SPECIAL EXCLUSIVES
https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/06/16/exclusive-star-trekrodenberrys-box-michael-piller-chapt-2-download-now/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/05/03/get-refund-now-time-warner-av-out-of-sync-truth-revealed/

8. STORY BEHIND THE SONG
https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/06/30/more-stories-behind-the-songs/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/06/30/the-story-of-meet-me-at-midnight-mary/

9. ESSAYS
https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/04/20/isnt-it-time-to-turn-the-television-offand-get-back-to-our-senses/

10. PSYCHIC AND SPIRITUAL
https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/07/02/most-important-thing-ive-learned-on-earth-positive-thinking-brings-results-i-desire/

10. TOP LISTS
https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/04/30/arties-top-music-videos-of-the-month/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/05/27/arties-top-music-videos-of-the-month-2/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/06/21/arties-top-music-videos-of-the-month-3/11.

11. MUSIC AND LYRICS
https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/05/25/chris-daughtry-the-true-american-idol-exclusive-videos-as-seen-only-on-mtv/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/05/14/nickelback-video-if-everyone-cared-and-the-return-to-relavance/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/05/12/remember-mamas-behind-you/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/04/17/you-cant-push-a-bullet-back-into-a-gun-2007/

12. QUOTES WORTH REMEMBERING
https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/06/10/even-more-quotes-worth-remembering/

https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/05/18/a-few-more-quotes-worth-remembering/

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

My website http://artiewayne.com

Back to Artie Wayne On The Web https://artiewayne.wordpress.com

Daily Pet Food Recall Updates!

Until the pet food recall crisis is over you can get daily updates here! Thank you for your e-mails asking about the health of Whoppy and Streaker. Fortunately my friend Sunny Smith talked me out of feeding them wet food many years ago and they aren’t at risk. Sadly, millions of pets are…but you’ll be able to know what’s going on and what’s being done to help our little pals.

Menu Foods Pet food recall http://www.howl911.com/

Pet Connection http://www.petconnection.com/

Itchmo http://www.itchmo.com/

Special thanks to Nikki for the above links

For my article on Animal Rights and Wrongs https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/03/22/examining-animal-rights-and-wrongs/

GOODBYE 2006 – HELLO 2007!

I don’t know whether to say goodbye or good riddance to the old year…but I do know I’m optimistic about the new one! All of us here at Artie Wayne On The Web, promise to continue to give you the “Best in Truth, Entertainment and Bullshit!”

If you scroll down to the next article, you’ll find, ” The Best Videos and Websites Of 2006″, which a couple of “cool cats” put together for me! It’s not only entertaining but a valuble resource you can use for years to come.

Finally, if your going out tonight and you want to have one for the road…make it a cup of coffee, with a little man in it who’ll remind you not to drink and drive!

Wishing you all the best…and of course a HAPPY NEW YEAR!                                           From Artie Wayne On The Web..and Whoppy And Streaker on the couch!

NOOKIE’S TOP CHRISTMAS AND HANUKKAH VIDEOS!

JUSTIN BIEBER, MICHAEL JACKSON, REINDEER SINGING , “White Christmas”, Adam Sandler’s, “Hanukkah Song”, ELVIS, , Mastinatu,BING, Carrie Underwood”, MARIAH CAREY, Bon Jovi PAUL EVANS, ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS”…and MORE! Not to be outdone by his rivals, Whoppy and Streaker, Nookie made up his own list of favorite Holiday videos and asked me to pass them along to you.

Now our first animated Christmas video, was sent to us this year by Ron and Sydney Haffkine. It features SINGING REINDEER and”White Christmas’ by Clyde McPhatter and the Drifters. http://gpsinformation.info/main/merryxmas.swf

Carrie Underwood, “Oh Holy Night”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4MQ-emtC1w&feature=related

 

TIME FOR ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS, “THE CHRISTMAS SONG!”  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hAUWyp0qzs

HERE’S THE HEIDI LITTLE BAND AND “THE CHRISTMAS SONG” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCTeG2TKt3U

NOW THE CRYSTALS ” AND “SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3zudVvBEB4

NOW THE BUCKINGHAMS WITH A TASTE OF THEIR CHRISTMAS CD  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RyHa9btpG4

JIM MORRISON AND “JINGLE BELLS” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvj4yQF2fCU&feature=related

Here’s Donny Hathaway and “THIS CHRISTMAS” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SeAO7y7k7dc&feature=related

ELVIS AND “BLUE CHRISTMAS”

Tony Orlando and Dawn with “I LOSE IT WHEN I HEAR WHITE CHRISTMAS” http://artiewayne.com/I_Lose_It.html

BRAND NEW! ONE OF THE BEST VERSIONS OF “I’LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS” I’VE EVER HEARD! BY THE ONE AND ONLY RASCAL FLATTS http://new.music.yahoo.com/videos/RascalFlatts/I%27ll-Be-Home-For-Christmas–205697487

Here’s the WHAM classic, “Last Christmas”    http://www.slack-time.com/music-video-1724-Wham-Last-Christmas

JUST ADDED! MICHAEL JACKSON”S NEWLY RE-MASTERED “LITTLE CHRISTMAS TREE” (Clinton jr./ Wayne) from the new JACKSON FIVE ULTIMATE CHRISTMAS ALBUM http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gjn2dv2ZqQ

Here’s Nat King Cole and Natalie Cole singing ,”The Christmas Song”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEbNKCeMgDs

“MAMA, MY SOLDIER BOY IS COMING HOME” BY THE SHIRELLES http://artiewayne.com/soldierboy.html

BRAND NEW! JAY and THE AMERICANS…”CHRISTMAS IN AMERICA” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_4l1HCO9oY

JUST ADDED! Here’s Paul Evans’ just released animation for his FSA recording, “Santa’s Stuck Up In The Chimney”. Christmas novelty of the year!

“THIS CHRISTMAS” BY FANTASIA http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqwJb44ByI0&feature=related

“Deck The Halls” with She Daisy http://www.cmt.com/videos/shedaisy/39548/deck-the-halls.jhtml

JUST ADDED! JAY TRAYNOR,  “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas”

“Mary’s Boy Child” – Boney M
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxm1FlLSfe4

ROLF HARRIS…MY CHRISTMAS IN THE SUN”! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VMgzkzQR_8

“All I Want for Christmas is You” – Mariah Carey

“Merry Christmas Everyone” – Shakin’ Stevens
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZeyHl1tQeaQ&ob=av3n

“All Alone on Christmas” – Darlene Love
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NLRKLshPjTw

Pogues’ “Fairytale of New York” is most definitely one of the greatest Christmas songs/videos ever! Trust me!

Here are the Jingle Cats and their version of , ”Jingle Bells”    http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4713533704832803716&q=jingle+bells+jingle+cats&hl=en

HERE’S BING CROSBY WITH THE ULTIMATE CHRISTMAS SONG “WHITE CHRISTMAS!

Here’s a video of Adam Sandler performing “The Hanukkah song” for the very first time on Saturday Night Live. He says, “There are a lot of Christmas songs out there, but there aren’t too many about Hanukkah. So I wrote a song for all of those nice little Jewish Kids, who dont get to hear any Hanukkah songs!” http://www.hulu.com/watch/109925/saturday-night-live-sandler-update-song

Here’s the surfing version of “O Hanukkah” by Meshugga Beach Party http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BILmgS5TGIU

Here’s Kenny Ellis and his hit single “Swingin’ Dreidle” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpYZIktK2Yg

A beautiful short explanation of each candle lit at Hanukkah. http://www1.msn.americangreetings.com/ecards/display.pd?prodnum=3143228&Ne=374980&N=374333+374226&offset=0&Ns=P_NEWNESS|1||P_PERFORMANCE_NUMBER|1

JUST ADDED!! BON JOVI AND RED BANK 3, SINGING “THE HANUKKAH  SONG” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGXtHdxN4Iw

Tom Lehrer’s “Hanukkah in Santa Monica.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSCmZU0eFJg

 “HANUKKAH OH HANUKKAH” BY THE BARE NAKED LADIES  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLqG3BqMC8E&feature=related

AND NOW THE MACCABEATS AND “CANDLELIGHT” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSJCSR4MuhU

HERE’S MASINATU AND THE HANUKKAH SONG MUSIC VIDEO “MIRACLE” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gv-7WdpB72o

FINALLY HERE’S A DEMO FROM 1974 not about Christmas, but  about December 26…”WHAT ABOUT THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS” (Dahlstrom/ Wayne) sung by Patti Dahlstrom

Special thanks to Jacob Richman for enriching the internet with his incredible collection of Jewish Videos. http://www.jr.co.il/index.html

VERY special thanks to Laura Pinto, Jean LeMond, Mark L. Ostrovsky, Robin Miller, and Joyce for their video suggestions.

YOU SAY YOU WANT MORE?Then click onto THE STORY BEHIND THE MOTOWN CHRISTMAS ALBUM…the classic album that almost never saw the light of day. Diana Ross, The Miracles, The Supremes, The Temptations, The Jackson Five, Stevie Wonder, and Michael Jackson all contributed to one of the greatest  albums of all time, THE MOTOWNCHRISTMAS ALBUM. It is also the story of how George Clinton, Jr. and I wrote “Little Christmas Tree” for Michael Jackson. Read all about it here.

SPECIAL ADDED ATTRACTION! My friend Laura Pinto just put up the Original video of “Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer” as sung by Gene Autry and the original “Christmas Song” by Alvin and the Chipmunks, “Little St.Nick” by Brian Wilson, on her remarkable website! http://laurapinto.tripod.com/christmasrock/

If you liked “Nookie Presents The Top Christmas and Hanukkah Videos”, you’ll love “WHOPPY AND STREAKER’S 99 CHRISTMAS VIDEOS”.https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/11/13/the-top-the-best-and-the-greatest-christmas-music-videos/

MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HANNUKKAH, HAPPY KWANZA…FROM ARTIE WAYNE ON THE WEB!

Copyright 2011 by Artie Wayne http://artiewayne.com

NOW YOU CAN BUY MY NEW BOOK ,“I DID IT FOR A SONG” AT AMAZON or Barnes & Noble or from Smashwords

TO READ A CHAPTER OR TWO FOR FREE CLICK  HERE

TO READ SOME OF THE COMMENTS  CLICK  HERE

BACK TO ARTIE WAYNE ON THE WEB https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/

Whoppy And Streaker Present The Top Christmas Videos Of All Time!!

Original Christmas of clips of Bing, Elvis, Band Aid, Darlene Love and Phil Spector! Christmas Video animations featuring Destiny’s child, Bobby Helms and the Drifters!

When Whoppy and Streaker were little more than kittens I sat down with them on their first Christmas Eve and sang Christmas songs on my guitar. Ten years later they’re playing Christmas songs for me that they found on the Internet! Sound outrageous? Not as outrageous as some of the the videos they found!

Here is the 50’s version of “White Christmas”, by Clyde McPhatter and The Drifters, one of my aunt Wan’s favorites, which my friend Publicist/ Writer Gary Stromberg, sent me as a Christmas card. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ooc5eJc5SHA

Growing up in the 50’s, Irving Berlin was one of my greatest influences. He wrote other classic songs like “Easter Parade’, “True Love”, “Always”, and “God Bless America”, but none ever touched as deeply as his perrenial “White Christmas”. When I started in the music business, I remember going from door to door in 1650 Broadway, trying to get my songs published. One day I walked into Irving Berlin Music, which occupied a suite of offices on the second floor. I asked the receptionist If I could see Mr. Berlin, and play him a few of my songs. Holding back a smile, she said, “I’m sorry, but Mr. Berlin, no longer comes into the office…besides this company Only publishes Irving Berlin songs!”

This “Brash Brotha” from the Bronx, smiles and asks, “In that case may I just take a look at his piano?” She smiles back and says she shouldn’t be doing this…and took me into the room where he did his writing.

This is the instrument, I read about in Life Magazine. Berlin, with no formal training, was only able to play in the key of C. So he had this upright piano made with a “gear shift”, to change keys or modulate with a flick of the wrist! Although I want to sit and play, I don’t want to overstep my bounds, so I just gently and respectfully touched it on my way out.

Here’s “White Christmas” performed by Bing Crosby, from the 1942 film, “Holiday Inn”.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4430902754197897751&q=christmas+music+videos&hl=en

The next video is from a 1977 ABC special with a duet by Bing Crosby and David Bowie on “Little Drummer Boy”.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zMhSjDqvRs

Author and songwriter, Patti Dahlstrom sent this interactive video Christmas card, I thought you’d enjoy! http://badaboo.free.fr/merryxmas.swf

Patti sent this incredible “Silent Night” interactive card as well! http://ecard.ashland.edu/2004admission/index.html

Along with my first phonograph, my mother gave me “Elvis’ Christmas Album”. Here’s a clip of Elvis Presley, from the Ed Sullivan Show, singing “Peace in the Valley”with the Jordanaires. http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7879112400700265061&q=Elvis+peace+in+the+valley&hl=en

How did Whoppy And Streaker know I loved “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” It’s the Band Aid Video That Bob Geldof put together in 1984 to raise money for starving people in Africa.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jEnTSQStGE

Here are the Jingle Cats and their version of ,”Jingle Bells” http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4713533704832803716&q=jingle+bells+jingle+cats&hl=en

Here’s Bobby Helms with Dancing Snowmen and “Jingle Bell Rock”
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2785975325131488663&q=jingle+bell+rock&hl=en

Elvis Presley from his 1968 “Comeback” NBC Special doin “Blue Christmas” in a medley.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5220054224932530118&q=Elvis+Presley+christmas&hl=en

The next song, “Rudolf the Rednosed Reindeer”, is one of the best known songs in the world. It was originally the B-side of a Gene Autry record, “If It Doesn’t Snow On Christmas” It was the first 78 I ever owned, a gift from my uncle Mick and aunt Polly…to be played on the new phonograph my mother gave me!

Johnny Marks, the composer of “Rudolf”, as well as “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”, was definitely the King of Christmas? The song became so popular, that everytime a reindeer was drawn or painted with a red nose, he would get a royalty! Johnny was a character out of a Damon Runyan story, hair slicked back 40’s style, always nattily dressed, the kind of a guy you’d see at the race track waiting in line at the $100 window. He was quiet and assuming most of the year, but at Christmastime, he’d be in his glory! I remember once in the mid-sixties, during the holiday season , Johnny took my wife and I to lunch at Jack Dempseys’. The restaurant was located right next to the Brill Building and the poor man couldn’t take a bite without one his songwriter or publishing pals coming over to interrupt. Without question he was definitely one of my songwriting heroes!

Now Destiny’s Child’s 2001 video of “Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer”
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6009882569248305300&q=rudolf+the+red+nosed+reindeer&hl=en

About ten years ago after inexplicable weakness and episodes of falling down in the street. I checked into UCLA Medical Center for 3 days of test. They kept me for 3 weeks! It was a few days before Christmas, I was in a ward with many who were far worse off than me…and we did our best to keep each others’ spirits up. Somehow, I lost my phone book, and the only numbers that I could remember was my Mothers’, who had moved to West Virginia, and that of my long time friend Alan O’Day, who was on his way out of town.

It’s a policy of most hospitals to send as many patients home for the holidays to be with their family and friends. Soon, I was the only one left in the ward, since I had nowhere else to go. One lonely night, as I sat feeling sorry for myself, I heard a group down the hall, singing Christmas carols. I followed the voices to the the children’s ward…where I heard the joyous sounds of “Jingle Bells”. It was the Salvation Army, passing out toys and candy, and singing to the kids, who were confined to their beds. I joined in on “Silent Night”, “Jingle Bell Rock”, and “Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer”, but when they started singing “White Christmas”. Tears started running down my face, and I had to sit in another room to compose myself. This song, written by Irving Berlin, always brings back memories of family and friends in a snow covered New York City…flooding me with emotions.

10 years later, I told Toni Wine (“Candida”,”Groovy Kind Of Love”) I told her the story…and showed her some lyrics I had written that fateful night, “I Lose it When I Hear “White Christmas”. She loved it, but wanted to make the story more universal. Over two writing sessions, which we actually started on Irving Berlin’s piano that Toni bought many years ago, we came up with….

“I LOSE IT WHEN I HEAR “WHITE CHRISTMAS”
words and music by Toni Wine and Artie Wayne

They can play “Jingle Bells” all day
talk about Santa’s Sleigh
I’m alright on a very “Silent Night”
But then my tears begin
when they sing I can’t join in
‘Cause I Lose it When I Hear “White Christmas”

Bein’ without you just ain’t no fun
What kind of thrill is cookin’ for one?
Can’t deny I wanna’ cry myself out
Here’s to Holiday spirit
don’t wanna’ be anywhere near it
‘Cause I Lose it When I Hear “White Christmas”

And Baby I know…You needed to go
But why did you have to leave me now?

[instumental]

Don’t feel like spreading good cheer
Just wanna’ sleep in the New Year
‘Cause I Lose it When I Hear “White Christmas”
‘Cause I Lose it When I Hear “White Christmas”

Copyright 2005-CasmoTwine

If you’d like to hear the Tony Orlando and Dawn recording click http://artiewayne.com/I_Lose_It.html

Where to buy Tony Orlando and Dawn”Reunion” CD http://www.amazon.com/Christmas-Reunion-Tony-Orlando-Dawn/dp/B000ANVP7Y

FOR THE ORIGINAL TOP CHRISTMAS MUSIC VIDEOS featuring

Elvis Presley “Blue Christmas”, Neil Diamond “Holly Holy”, Celine Dion “Oh Holy Night”, Bing Crosby and David Bowie “Little Drummer Boy” plus THIRTY MORE! JUST ADDED…JOSH GROBAN FROM HIS #1 “NOEL”…OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN FROM HER NEW CHRISTMAS ALBUM, John Denver, the Muppets, MORE!
https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2007/11/13/the-top-the-best-and-the-greatest-christmas-m

For “Nookie’s Top Christmas And Hanukka Videos!” Adam Sandler, “Hanukkah Song”, Neil Diamond, Mariah Carey, Justin Timberlake, ‘n Sync, Toby Keith, complete version of Charlie Brown Christmas, more! https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/12/22/nookies-top-holiday-video-picks/

To reach Toni Wine http://toniwine.com

For Sebastian Prooth http://sebrt.com

To know more about Gary Stromberg’s book, “The Harder They Fall http://thehardertheyfall.blogharbor.com/

For the Salvation Army http://www.salvationarmyusa.org/usn/www_usn.nsf

More Artie Wayne on the Web https://artiewayne.wordpress.com

If you liked “Whoppy and Streaker Present The Top Christmas Videos of all time”, feel free to share it with a friend…I you loved it, please feel free to send it to your entire address book!

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukka and the the best of the holiday from Artie Wayne On The Web…and Whoppy and Streaker on the couch!

Peaking In A Chinese Restaurant!

Homer Simpson

As we decide if we should have another piece of pumpkin pie or another glass of egg nog, the moment of truth draws closer…Black Friday! It’s the biggest shopping day of the year in America, and the official beginning of the Christmas season. I remember just a few years ago, it was wiser to buy presents closer to, or even after Christmas, to get the best deals. Now they’re advertising sales that are starting at 50% off!

Heaven forbid you waited to get your Playstation III or the new “masterbating” Elmo… Now it’s going to cost you a kidney to get one before Christmas! I was considering going to Petco today and getting a remote controled mouse for my cats, Whoppy and Streaker, but I think I’ll wait until the excitement dies down. I don’t want to be held up at gunpoint in the parking lot by some “catnip crazed” crook who’ll do anything to get a remote controlled mouse!

As I sit and think about some memorable Thanksgivings I had in the past, I flashback to one in particular. In the early ’80s, my friend Allan Rinde, owned a chinese restaurant in a Jewish neighborhood in Hollywood, which I named Genghis Cohen. This is the place in which Larry David (co-creator of the “Seinfeld”) based the episode, “The Chinese restaurant”, where he was kept waiting by an “arrogant host” for what seemed to be hours!

On the first Thanksgiving night after it opened…I was “humbly hosting” the place. There must’ve been 6 or 7 reservations that night, instead of the usual 100, so I assumed it would be like this all weekend. I didn’t even bother to have as many of my hand painted shirts, which I sold to customers from $75 to $350, onhand as I usually did. I thought that on Black Friday there would be as few customers as there was on Thanksgiving night.

As I sat back to enjoy the night, a publicist friend of mine came in for an early dinner, and left me an incredible trip…I mean tip! She gave me a capsule of MDMA ( Ecstacy) which was legal then, and I took for the very first time a few minutes later. It wasn’t long before a smile swept across my face and I felt an emotional connection with everyone I came in contact with. I even engaged in long conversations with Chinese and Mexican workers in the kitchen, even though we didn’t speak each others language!

Then the place started to fill up with our regular customers who were out shopping and asked if they could come in without a reservation. Lana Turner , came in with a party of five, Sarah Jessica Parker and Robert Downey , Jr. with their friends, Luthor VanDross and his entourage, Rod Stewart, so on and so forth! Every time someone would show up at the door, I’d greet them with a glazed look in my eyes and say, “Welcome to Genghis Cohen, where there’s always room for one more!” It wasn’t long before I started to answer the phone, ” Hello. Genghis Cohen, where your wish…is your problem!”

I stopped taking reservations and advised everyone on the phone to order take out because there were about 60 people waiting for tables. In my chemically induced “loving” state, I was determined to make this a night to remember for everyone I encountered! I read the menu aloud to the hungry crowd on line, while the waiters took their orders promising the food would be ready by the time they were seated.

“Tonight we have Romeo and Juliet, fresh asparagus and schezewan string beans lying side by side…on a steamy bed of lettuce. If you order this dish you must be over 18, so please have your ID ready!

We also have our world famous, “Duck with no Name”. Why doesn’t it have a name? Because there’s no guilt when you eat a nameless duck. I mean, would you order it if it were called Daffy or Donald?

Finally, our special tonight is “Terminator Chicken”, a dish so powerful that if you don’t order it…it’ll come out and get you! If you Do order it, but don’t finish it, it’ll look up at you and say, “I’ll be back!”

Then things started to get serious, I ran out of one liners as well as hand painted shirts! Chef Lin stormed out of the kitchen waving a kichen knife and cursing in chinese, about the huge orders that kept coming in, so close to closing time. Although the walls were starting to pulsate and close in on me, I managed to calm the chef down and introduced him to patrons that kept gushing about his incredible food. He was absolutely beaming as he returned to the kitchen amidst a standing ovation! Chef Lin fortunately convinced his staff not to walk out at their usual quiting time and the bus boys not to beat my ass for making them work late!

I knew how much Allan hated for me to keep people waiting on line, so I made sure by the time he was expected, everyone had been seated and served. He asked how the night was…coming down from all the excitement, I quietly said, “OK, I guess.” I bid everyone goodnight and went outside where my little Genie and her magic carpet were waiting to take me home!

Copyright 2006 by Artie Wayne

Thanks to Elliot Weiss for letting me borrow the title of one of his songs for this article.

When The S#@t Hits The Fan, It’s The Man With The Tan Who’s Always The First To Go!

When I was a kid, if you saw a black guy in a horror movie you knew the monster was gonna’ get him before the last reel. If you saw a war movie or a gangster flick, you knew that the lovable, philosophic negro had something to worry about when the bullets started flying. No wonder black audiences started yelling at characters on the screen at the local movie house…somebody’s gotta’ warn a brother!

As (half) African-American, I grew up in this time honored tradition…and expanded it to include not only warnings, but giving advice and information to all races, colors and creeds on the screen by the 60s. I remember going to see “The FBI Story”with Jimmy Stewart. In a quiet, reflective moment in which Stewart holds a framed photograph of his late, geeky son and says,’ I wonder what killed him?” As they show a close-up of the picture I yell out, “His collar was too tight!”

The audience explodes with laughter…and I have my first taste of being in the spotlight! Actually, it’s more like in the “flashlight” of an usher who shines a light in my face as he warns me to shut up or he’ll throw me out!

I was quiet during the second feature of the triple bill, and waited until the third, before I made my next move. The film was “The Pride and the Passion”, with two of the best I’d ever seen…Sophia Loren…and Frank Sinatra…who was in it also! They were part of a group transporting a giant cannon to the battlefront, during the Napoleonic wars. In the last scene, Sophia is shot in battle and as she draws her last breath…I yell out,” Now that’s what I call knocking off a piece!” As expected, the crowd roars with laughter…then boos, as I’m promptly ejected!

I’m happy to say much has changed over the years, and just like Rap and Hip-Hop, this unique cultural phenomenon crossed over into the mainstream. I remember seeing “Poltergeist”, a few years back at a cineplex with a mixed audience. When JoBeth Williams’ character goes back into the house she Knows is possesed to take a shower, almost the entire audiences screams, “DON”T GO BACK…DON’T GO BACK ” punctuated by a shrill “YOU STUPID BITCH!” from a nine or ten year old little blonde girl, sitting with her stoner parents.

A few years later, when I hosted Genghis Cohen, a Hollywood restaurant ( which I also named ) JoBeth Williams was a regular customer. After I get to know her a bit I ask her a personal question

“WHY DID YOU GO BACK INTO THE HOUSE?”

“Because it said so in the script.”, she replied matter of factly.

Since that day I’ve used that line, whenever anyone asks me, “Why did you do something so stupid?” or “How could you act so ridiculous?”

“Because it said so in the script!”

No one ever laughs…but I don’t expect them to.

If you’re wondering, over the years, I have learned to restrain my genetic urge to talk to the screen, and now only mutter random witty asides to my cat Streaker as we watch TV. So far she hasn’t turned on me or turned me in, but I know, “When the s#@t hits the fan, it’s the man with the tan who’s always the first to go!”

From my forthcoming book, “I Did It For A Song” Copyright 2010 by Artie Wayne https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/about-artie-wayne/

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If You Saw It On The Internet…Then You Know It’s Gotta’ Be True!

After a domestic dispute with Streaker, Whoppy runs away from home. A neighbor brings him back after finding him stuck in his doggie door!

Did you hear that after Madonna bought a little boy in Africa, she stopped off in Mexico to buy a nanny?

Congratulations to Triumph, the insult comic dog, who just became spokesman for Grey Poopon mustard!

Last night, rapper 50 Cents was arrested outside of a Manhattan dance club for allegedly beating his own ass!

Condoleeza Rice and Hilary Clinton are racing up the pop music charts with their first duet, “You Ain’t Woman Enough To Run This Land!” To hear it just click onto http://i.euniverse.com/funpages/cms_content/13180/HillaryCondi_HoDown.swf

Mel Gibson, still repenting for his drunken anti-semetic remarks, is sending out invitations to his own bris! I guess nothing shows sincerity like a circumcision!

Jessica Simpson, reportedly was an hour late for her doctors appointment because she was studying for her blood test!

Construction worker Dick Hertz, tried to return a monkey’s paw he allegedly found in a bowl of chili at a fast food restaurant. He was promptly arrested for fraud when it was discovered that he used up all three wishes that come with the monkey’s paw.

Simon Cowell, has been named as the new host of “The Price is Right” to replace Bob Barker, who is starting to crumble into dust.

Kelly Clarkson is alive and well although she appears in the video, “Rock and Roll Heaven” which is a tribute to dead rock stars. just click onto https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/08/20/rock-and-roll-heaven/

Copyright 2006- by Artie Wayne