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It looks like Saddam Hussein won’t be able to compete as a contestant on next season’s, “Dancing with the Stars”, due to a prior commitment.

Have Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan taken a “time out”? None of the notorious trio have been drunk, arrested or flashed anyone in over a week!

Kevin Federline, has finally made it! He has been the punchline of 27 % of all the jokes told on the Jay Leno, David Letterman and Jimmy Kimmel shows, since his break-up with Britney Spears was announced.

The Indian tribe, who bought the Hard Rock Cafe chain of restaurants for a billion dollars, has put in an undisclosed bid to purchase New York’s Central Park. The Chief smiled and said, “Eventually we’ll get all of Manhattan back…even if we have to pay a little more than we got for it!”

Why was ex-congressman Mark Foley, in a “homemade” Santa Claus suit, being chased by a bunch of irate elves in Macy’s yesterday?

All the hype in the world couldn’t keep William Shatner’s, “Show Me The Money”, on the air. ABC execs claim, ” Not only were the ratings low…but it was just too shitty to continue.”

Did Donald Trump change his mind about firing, “Miss USA” Tara Conners, because philanthropist and homeless advocate, Hugh Hefner offered the recently evicted, Ms. Connors a safe place to stay and a continuing role on “The Girls Next Door”? What a guy, Hef even told her, she wouldn’t have to sign a morals clause!

Yesterday, stocks on Wall Street reached an all-time high…and so did Willie Nelson!

Was Justin Timberlake serious when he gave his girl friend his “Dick In A Box”, An uncensored , unedited Saturday Night Live Video! For Schizzle…My Nizzle! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dmVU08zVpA

Special thanks to Alan O’Day for finding “Dick In A Box” and not turning it in to the Lost and Found!

Copyright 2006 by Artie Wayne

For more “If It’s On The Internet…It’s Gotta’ Be True!” https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/11/05/if-you-saw-it-on-the-internetthen-you-know-its-gotta-be-true/

Even More “If You Saw It On the Internet…yada, yada, yada” https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/12/13/if-its-on-the-internetits-gotta-be-true-is-this-really-britney-spears-pussy/

To reach Alan O’Day http://alanoday.com

Justin Timberlake http://www.myspace.com/justintimberlake

Kevin Federline http://whothehellcares.com

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Thanks to Patti Dahlstrom for the following quote from Hunter Thompson…

“The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There’s also a negative side.”

…And to Gerald Valvona for this quote from Willie Nelson in a public statement earlier this week, when he was caught with an ounce of pot…

“It’s a good thing I had a bag of Marijuana instead of a bag of spinach. I’d be dead by now.”

After just two episodes into its astoundingly ill-conceived “social experiment,” Survivor: Cook Islands merged its four ethnically divided tribes into two larger mixed-race groups, officially ending its much-hyped reign of televised segregation.This is a quote from host, Jeff Probst.

“You have been living together as tribes divided based on ethnicity. It is now time to integrate.”

nice-phil.gif I first visited Hollywood in 1968 for a combo business trip and quicky divorce. Having lived all my life in New York, I never learned how to drive, so my friend Richard Baskin, graciously took me to my appointments. Richard (who a few years later went on to produce the music for Robert Altmans, “Nashville”, Willie Nelson’s “On the Road Again”, and several outstanding cuts with Barbra Streisand) was still in college and also one of the heirs to Baskin/Robbins ice cream empire. At his friends and family’s request I tried to talk him into staying in school…putting his music aspirations on hold and consider going into the family business. But after one particular day there was no going back!

After a morning of writing songs with Gary Zekely, and Mitch Bottler , the team who wrote “Sooner Or Later” and “Wait A Million Years”, we went over to the A&M lot to meet with Lou Adler, (who would produce Carole King’s “Tapestry”.)

After my appointment, I took Richard on an impromptu tour of the facility (which I had never seen). I introduced him to Herb Alpert ( who I didn’t know), who introduced both of us to Joan Baez. Then we checked out A&M recording studios to see who was there. That’s when I ran into Phil Spector, (who I did know from my days as an artist at Liberty Records ). I introduced him to Richard, who I knew idolized him. Phil invited us into the studio to listen to a track he was doing with the Checkmates, “Proud Mary”.

When Phil signaled to the engineer to start the tape…I was standing in front of the speaker and was literally blown away…not just by the recording itself…but by the incredible volume!!! Phil smiled enigmatically as Richard helped me maintain my balance.

As Richard was driving me back to my hotel I asked him if he had a chance to think about what we discussed earlier in the day? He looked at me, with stars in his eyes and said, “Yeah…Fuck Ice cream, I’m going into the music business!”

Pictured at top- Phil Spector