No one expected that Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, could pack such a punch, but she opened up a can of “Whoop Ass” on the elite members of congress, when Democrat Barney Frank’s plan to solve our economic crisis was met with opposition. Although she said her actions were out of concern for the American people, insiders speculate that she’s trying to wrap things up by Sunday, so she won’t lose her deposit on a castle she plans to rent when congress adjourns.


Now that Alaska is getting so much attention these days, singer/songwriter Jewel Kilcher, is cashing in on her heritage. Not only was she raised in Homer, Alaska, but her grandfather Yule Kilcher, was a state senator, who helped draft the constitution when the territory became a state in 1959. Just in time for the 50th anniversary of this historic event, Jewel has released, a new CD “Cold Rush”, and a new single, “Dance The Baked Alaska”

FOX News’, Bill O’Reilly who is fair and balanced, carries a picture of both Jewel and Sarah Palin in his wallet. Does that make him a pinhead or a patriot?

When George W. Bush and John McCain staged a fist fight on the White House Lawn to show the press how much the candidate has distanced himself from the president, nobody told VP nominee, Sarah Palin. When she saw the skirmish, Palin who happened to be walking her dog, unleashed Yukon King her Alaskan Huskie companion, who came between the two men. It was little Barney Bush’s terrier, however, who held eveyone at bay until the Secret Service arrived, proving who the “top dog” is…at least for the next four months! 

 When Ahmadinejad, addressed the UN this week, he warned that the enemies of Iran will “scatter like mice”, when they see his country’s new secret weapon!

In response to those who criticized his inability to use the computer, John McCain, at the end of his latest ad says, “I approve this message”, then types with one finger, on his word processor “F@#k You!”, and proudly clicks send.

Governer Arnold Schwartzenegger, is suing Rolls Royce, the luxury automobile maker, for the unauthorized use of his likeness on their new hood ornament.

Although the Presidential Debate went on as planned, very few new issues were discussed, and both candidates were in agreement that something must be done immediately about stabilizing the economy. When asked by the moderator, can you tell us anything specific about what you would do to solve our problems.

McCain, smiled and unveiled a plan that not only would ease our economic crisis, but solve our immigation problem as well. He suggested that illegal immigrants be given amnesty, if they marry a single mother, and stay off welfare for a year! Then he showed a video, on how even the smallest American can help with what he calls the”Tap For Food program”, he ended up showing a “Mobile Home”, he wants to give to every homeless person. (click on box to activate)

As the audience started to rush the stage, Obama leaped to his feet, and said, “People, people…I’ve been telling you, “Grandpa” is out of touch! Let me tell you how I’m going to solve your problems”. The audience grumbled, but sat back down as Obama went into a eloquent, vague, but stirring speech about something or another. Then he tried to get the skeptical crowd to stand up and cheer for his running mate, Joe Biden’s new slogan, “It’s Patriotic to pay more taxes!”

At this point, the crowd jumped to it’s feet and booed, as a senior citizen in the first row, threw his walker at him. Then a little grey haired lady, shook her fist and rattled off curses at McCain in spanish. Before it escalated into a full-fledged riot, the secret service whisked off both candidates to their waiting limosines, where they each started to plan their strategy for the next time they meet.

EXTRA! BREAKING NEWS!… After the Presidential debate, Barack Obama, made a surprise announcement, that due to the many embarrassing gaffes that Joe Biden made on the campaign trail, he agreed to step down from the race as the democratic nominee for vice-president, to be replaced by Hillary Clinton. When Biden was reached for a comment he said, “What do you mean I stepped down down from the race?”

Remember, “If It’s On The Internet, It’s Gotta’ Be True!” 

Copyright 2008 by Artie Wayne



After being nominated for 17 Emmys, Tina Fey, Tracy Morgan, and “30 Rock” won the night with the most wins for a comedy series featuring a woman, a Black man, and Rockefeller Center. Congratulations not only for your big win, but also for having one of the best shows on Network TV!

I was planning to discontinue my bi-monthy feature, “If It’s On The Internet, It’s Gotta’ Be True”, until Tina Fey and Tracy Morgan mentioned it on their show last season, and the buzz started. Next week, after taking the summer off, “If It’s On The Internet It’s Gotta’ Be True”, comes back with a vengence!

Regards, Artie Wayne On The Web                

EXTRA! How Sarah Palin and Tina Fey Tricked The Secret Service!

Copyright 2008 by Artie Wayne

Call them offensive, overbearing, intrusive, subversive, anything but innocuous. They are TV commercials that use songs,which either make me happy or angry every time I see them.

As a songwriter/publisher I know the importance of the income from commercials to the bottom line, as long as it doesn’t compromise the integrity of the song. I smile every time I hear a mop or a broom sing Player’s, “Baby, Come Back”,  to a housewife who has defected to Swiffer Sweepers.
I feel all fuzzy watching people eating margarine, low in chloresterol, to the tune of “Put A Little Love In Your Heart”, and I fight the urge to shave my legs, when I watch “Venus” and “Short Shorts” ads.

I groove to Chris Brown’s remake of the classic Doublemint gum jingle, and drool to “Dancing With The Stars”, Julliane Hough’s, Juicy Fruit Video!

Then I see the new series of ads for Target, with the Jonas Brothers, singing the Beatle’s “Hello. Goodbye”, and the hair on the back of my neck starts to bristle. It’s isn’t hard to figure out the appeal of using a familiar song to grab someone’s attention, but it’s important how it’s used or it could have a negative impact, and damage the value of the song forever.

Take “Viva Viagra”…please. If my late friends, Doc Pomus and Morty Shuman, who wrote “Viva Las Vegas”, were alive today, I’m sure they would be amused by the lyric, but I doubt if they would have ever given permission for it to be used.

When I see the Seabond ad for denture adhesive using one of my favorite oldies, “Bye, Bye Love”, with new lyrics that include, “Bye Bye, ooziness”, I fight throwing my bong at the TV! In the early ’70s Del Bryant (now the President of BMI), brought his songwriter father, Boudleaux Bryant (“Bye, Bye Love”, “Wake Up Little Susie”, “Dream”) over to my house to discuss some lyrics I wanted to change in his classic, “Let’s Think About Livin”, and produce with one of my artists.

I sang him the changes I had in mind, which included references to the movie of the year, “Jaws”. He smiled and said he liked it, then he gave me permission to use my changes (without credit or royalty), but not before he said emphatically, “I’ve never given permission to anyone to change any of my songs, but you have maintained the integrity of the song.” I doubt that if he were alive today, that he would allow his lyric to be desecrated in that Seabond commercial.

Finally, the one that really gets to me the most, is the Barclay’s ad that features “What The World Needs Now Is Love”. Maybe it’s because the song has such a strong significance for me. It was a song my friend, Jackie DeShannon, sang to me from the  studio as she was recording it, after I had open heart surgery. 

One of the most inspiring songs ever written has now been reduced by Barclay’s Bank and investments to this.

What The World Needs Now is clarity

A little tax efficiency and much more transparency

What The World Needs Now is fresh ideas

More complete advice and shelter from all the nonsense.”

WTF…I can’t believe my pals from the past, Burt Bacharach and Hal David, would push their copyright to the point of extinction, but somebody has. Maybe it’s a greedy publisher, who sometimes has the right to change lyrics at his discretion, depending on the original contract the writer signed.

Anyway, I’ve listed the URLs to commercials I’ve talked about. Like the kids say, “Some are buck…while the others suck!” You can figure out which is which.


Copyright 2008 by Artie Wayne                                 


Swiffer sweepers using “Baby Come Back” by Player


Updated Doublemint Ad with Chris Brown                              


Updated Juicy fruit ad with Julliane Hough                   


 Viva Viagra violating “Viva Las Vegas”                            


 Target using The Jonas Brothers, hellish “Hello, Goodbye”


Seabond adhesive using “Bye, Bye Love”, that’ll knock your teeth out!


Barclay’s Bank brutalizing, “What The World Needs Now”                                              


NORMAN WHITFIELD  5/12/40 – 9/16/08

During the early ‘70s, I was the General Professional Manager Of Warner Brothers Music. One day I’m up at Motown Records, sitting in the outer office waiting to see what producer or artist will walk in that I can pitch a song to.  Just when I’m about give up for the day, in walks songwriter/producer Norman Whitfield (”I Heard It Through The Grapevine”, “Cloud 9”).  After briefly, but enthusiastically, discussing his body of work with him, he invites me into his office to listen to a track he’s starting to work on. I sit there and listen to a track for twelve minutes that consists of only of an electric bass with percussion, and I’m a bit confused.  I ask him if there is a song that goes along with it.  He starts the track again, and this time he sings…

“Papa Was A Rolling Stone. Wherever he lay his hat was his home and when he died…All he left us was alone.”

Over the next few months, Norman lets me hear the recording in its various stages of development.  There are layers of vocals put on and taken off, string and horn sections edited or deleted, countless re-mixes. Finally, I get to witness the last step, which is the mysterious mastering process that sets Motown apart from all the rest! This is when I meet Iris Gordy, head of Quality Control, who allows me to watch and listen as she performs her magic, not only bringing out the best of what’s on the tape, but also doing things to it that will make it jump out at you, when it’s played on the radio. The Temptations “soon to be classic” is finally released and zooms up the charts.  I run into Norman Whitfield in the lobby of Motown, the day the song hits #1 on the Billboard charts and congratulate him.

The next time I see him is at the pre-award Grammy TV show, in 1973 where as a member of the board of Governors, I present him with three Grammies. One for the best vocal R&B vocal performance by a group, and its b-side won for Best R&B instrumental (awarded to Whitfield and arranger/conductor Paul Riser), and Whitfield and Barrett Strong won for best R&B song of the year as the song’s composers. Norman was a giant among the greatest talents the world of music has ever known, with a heart to match, and I was privileged to have known him.

Norman Whitfield, R.I.P. Rock In Perpetuity!

From my forthcoming book, “I Did It For A Song”
Copyright 2009 by Artie Wayne




I’m really excited to tell you about the release of a new CD “I Hear Voices”, by my longtime friend, sometime collaborator, and fellow Spectropopper, Alan O’Day (“Undercover Angel”, “Angie Baby”, “Rock and Roll Heaven”). My first impression…is I want to hear it again!        

As relevant as the recent releases by Neil Diamond, Madonna and Brian Wilson, Alan has written, sung and produced the finest album of his career. Alan should have a few more hits added to his resume.                                                        

I worked with him at Warner Brothers Music, early in his career, when I was a song plugger. The Warner Raiders and I got hundreds, yes hundreds of covers on his highly commercial songs, which included 3 Dog Night, Steppenwolf, Bobby Sherman, Cher, Dawn, Helen Reddy, and Anne Murray. Although I knew he was immensely talented, I never expected him to develop into the writer and artist he is today.                                                                        

As contemporary as Nickleback, Coldplay, and John Mayer, I think Alan is poised to capture the imagination of a new generation. He starts off his 14 song CD, with the playful and insightful, “(Ain’t Gonna Hang Up) My Rock And Roll Shoes”:                                                    

“Back in the days of 45s, Had a hit record but I survived
you may not remember, it’s been a long time,
But I’m still a legend in my own mind!                                                                                    

So turn up the music and turn off the news
Gimme three minutes, I can loosen your screws
Rock your booty ’til you blow a fuse
Ain’t Gonna’ Hang Up My Rock And Roll Shoes”

The next 53 minutes are filled with instant classics.  “I Hear Voices” and “In Heavens Eyes” will probably be covered by some major artists,  “Please Don’t Believe Me” feels like its ripped right out of today’s headlines.

I could write pages about what I heard, but “a song is worth a thousand words!” If you click onto, you can hear a complete verse and chorus of eight different songs from Alan O’Day’s landmark album “I Hear Voices”, for yourself.

Regards, Artie Wayne  

Copyright 2008 by Artie Wayne














After being ridiculed by Republicans and Democrats, 250,000 pigs have marched on Washington in protest!

Said to be backed by frozen foods CEO, Jimmy Dean, the demonstration caused quite a media frenzy. The porcine protesters, are tired of being the punch line of jokes and demand the same respect that chickens get.

In addition to Hollywood Supporters, many politicians joined the march.


 After the peaceful demonstration, the protesters were treated to a VIP tour of the Jimmy Dean processing plant, then taken to Tony Romas for dinner.

Copyright 2008 by Artie Wayne


NOW HERE ARE THE TOP 25 HALLOWEEN MUSIC VIDEOS OF ALL TIME including…“The Monster Mash”, “Unchained Melody’ from Ghost”, “Disturbia” UNEDITED, UNCENSORED Rhianna, The Addams Family theme, “Time Warp” from “Rocky Horror Show”, “I Put A Spell On You” Screaming Jay Hawkins, “Halloween theme” John Carpenter, Michael Jackson’s “THRILLER” 14 minute version! ..MORE!










While VP Nominee, Sarah Palin, was doing a segment for the Today Show, she ran into 10 time EMMY nominee, Tina Fey (“30 Rock”), who is taping her show. The old friends, said to resemble each other, weary of their daily routines, decide to play a trick on their handlers, and trade places for the rest of the afternoon.

Sarah is halfway through the show, when Tracy Morgan notices that “Tina”, is funnier than usual and says, “You ain’t Tina…you’re funnier than usual!”, which brings the studio audience to it’s feet.

In the meantime, John McCain and “Sarah” are being interviewed by Meridith Viera, who asks “Sarah”, what she would like to accomplish as the first woman to become Vice-President? Seizing the rare opportunity to be taken seriously, Tina lays out a plan to bring about World Peace within 30 days! As the people in the studio gives her a round of applause, a beaming McCain whispers in her ear, “You’re more amazing every day!”

Although the Secret Service had their suspicions, it isn’t until the real Sarah’s newborn baby starts crying for his mama, is the deception uncovered!

Everyone has a good laugh, except the baby who’s waited long enough for lunch.

Copyright 2008 by Artie Wayne