Artie’s Top Music Videos Of The Month!
April 30, 2007
Here are 10 of my favorites…no crap…just the good stuff! Justin, Beyonce, Daughtry, Gwen, Neyo, Fergie, Nickelback, Carrie, Chris, All-American Rejects, Maroon 5 and Shakira
Justin Timberlake “What Goes Around” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0VSBWsQqf8
Beyonce And Shakira “Beautiful Liar” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtIHBRsy1lI
Maroon Five “Makes Me Wonder” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVIgOBVO5gA
Chris Daughtry “It’s Not Over” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zU6O7RpF88c
Gwen Stefani with Akon “Sweet Escape” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJLaenbHKLI
Neyo “Addiction” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1LtINKzJkw
Fergie “Glamorous” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Uahw5BU9N8
Nickelback “If Everyone Cared” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-QfLJbEN3k
All-American Rejects “It Ends Tonight” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XempunzHQ0U
Carrie Underwood “Before He Cheats” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T56vLzS5i5w
Special thanks to Sharon Link for her monkey friend.
If It’s On The Internet, It’s Gotta’ Be True! Startling Discovery Made On Al Gore’s Lawn!
April 25, 2007
The morning after Al Gore’s, wild “Earth Day” party at his Nashville Mansion, dozens of panties found on the lawn, were explained away as being a new exhibit.
After vigorously and relentlessly promoting the use of, “One square of toilet tissue per sitting”, Sheryl Crow shouldn’t have been surprised when she put her hand on Karl Rove’s shoulder during the Washington Correspondents dinner and he screamed, “Don’t touch me!”
What comes with Prez hopeful, John Edward’s $400 haircut…a “Happy Ending?”
As a result of the recent fallout over the comment made by Don Imus, the officials of the Miss Black America Pageant have just released this decision: Beginning this year there will be only 49 contestants in the Miss Black America Contest because no one shall be required to wear a banner that says ” IDAHO.” (Think about it)
The recently eliminated “American Idol” contestant, Sanjaya, e-mailed Madonna, ” I’m flattered by your offer, but I already have parents.”
Paris Hilton, took a spill, after going down on an up escalator.
“Bono is performing at a U2 concert in Ireland, when he asks the audience for some quiet.Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands…Holding the audience in total silence, then he says into the mike, “Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.” At which point a little voice from the front of the audience cries out, “Then stop clapping your Fookin’ Hands!”
Everyone was asking why Martha Stewart’s boyfriend, Dr. Charles Simony, who paid 20 million dollars to go into space, landed his craft in remote Kazakhstan. Was it to seek political asylum from the abusive Ms. Stewart…who has been known to beat him like an egg?
Naomi Campbell has done it again! First, she had to perform community service for throwing a phone at her assistant. Now, after hitting a tugboat captain with an anchor, when he cut her off on Long Island Sound, an angry judge sentenced her to 3 months of anchor management!
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were outraged when the Berlin Zoo wouldn’t sell them Knut the baby polar bear for daughter Suri’s first birthday present. Tom immediately commissioned, “The greatest doll in the world to be made in Suri’s likeness!”. Tom’s been known to go to extremes, but I don’t think he expected this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBXr15K2uSc&mode=related&search
Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne
Thanks to Patti Dahlstrom, Sharon Link, Shel Talmy, and Phil X. Milstein, for their submissions and to the late Harvey Miller for helping me with this column every week.
17 year old charismatic, but vocally challenged, Sanjaya Malakar threatened the credibility of “American Idol”, by being one of the most popular contestants in the competition who was capable of winning. Was the voting rigged to make sure he would come in last and be booted off the show?
I’m not surprised that Sanjaya, famous for his hair, performed wearing a hat last week. It’s a favorite “Idol trick” to change the way a contestant looks drastically if they don’t want them to win. Look at how they “dorked up” Kellie Pickler, last year on the night she lost! Another favorite trick to discourage voters is to “advise” or “allow” a singer to perform a song that is a less than perfect match for them, not to mention making the vocal too loud to magnify bad notes!
“Shock Jock” Howard Stern asked his millions of listeners to vote for Sanjaya, in order to undermine “American Idol” and everything it stands for! I’m positive “Idols” creator, Simon Fuller, wouldn’t just stand by and let this happen!
I remember a few seasons ago a little girl in Hawaii, Jasmine Trias, inexplicably remained in the competition in spite of having minimal talent. It was later revealed that because of a 6 hour time difference and a fan base working a bank of power dialers, they were able to cast millions and millions of votes for their home girl!
Last week a record 38 million votes were cast on “Idol”…the week before 33 million! A suspicious increase, considering the total viewers
Are down 10% from last year!
I don’t believe Howard Stern would’ve paid a penny to employ “Power Dialers”, just to make a point. I don’t believe Sanjaya’s, “Tweenie” fan base could vote for their heartthrob any more than they did. I do believe, however, that someone who has an interest in keeping the billion dollar “American Idol” franchise intact did take some action.
Someone who knew that each one of the millions of votes cast by “Power Dialers” in Hawaii would go through, because Hawaii starts voting hours after the rest of America has stopped! Someone who knew the results of the voting on the mainland could have appropriated votes to contestants who actually scored lower than Sanjaya…that would place him at the bottom and voted off!
Who would mastermind something like this?
Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne
Today is one of the saddest days I can remember. Not only is it a national day of mourning, for the 30 students murdered at Virginia Tech, but it’s the eighth anniversary of the massacre at Columbine.
All morning long, whenever these incidents are mentioned, portions of a video the VT killer sent NBC, is played over and over again, as well as the sick one the columbine killers made. Don’t they understand that these videos were created to continue to inflict pain after their suicides, and the media is doing exactly what the killers wanted them to?
Aren’t they aware of the psychological damage being done to everyone of us when we are forced to watch and listen to aberrant behavior immortalized at a rate too staggering to calculate? I don’t even want to think how many repressed psychotics out there have been inspired by these “Masshole Murderers” and are quietly lock and loading, to claim their 15 minutes of infamy?
I remember growing up in the Bronx and watching gang members who made the front page of the Daily News for killing someone be hailed as neighborhood heroes! Now with more information being made available faster, some guy in a small town can go on a killing spree and become a national figure overnight! In a society where being famous is more important than being smart or being rich…that’s quite a temptation!
My heart goes out to the families of friends of the victims of both tragedies…and pray to God that something like this can be prevented from happening again!
Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne
If It’s On The Internet, It’s Gotta’ Be True! “Girls Gone Wild” CEO Breaks Out Of Jail!
April 18, 2007
When orphaned twin tigers and twin orangutans were raised together, zoo keepers knew they’d have to separate them before they grew up or face the possibility of one pair eating the other. Apparently, they didn’t separate them fast enough!
Native women in Malawi, Africa wisely hid their children when they heard Madonna was coming to their country for a “little visit”.
Last week, “The Invisible Man Group” made it’s debut at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas. Critics all agreed it was the best musical act they’ve never seen!
Hilary Clinton, is leading in the polls again after it was rumored that she’ll choose “American Idol” contestant, Sanjaya Malakar as her running mate. Sanjaya, however, has denied the rumor! He admits, when he was asked if he’d like to run with Hilary, he thought they were talking about going jogging with Hilary Duff.
Rapper Snoop Dogg, has decided to clean up his act, and sold his interest in the lingerie line, “Britches and Hose” He also eliminated, ‘Nigga”, and all other offensive words from his 3 hour stage show…which now runs at a tight 18 minutes!
Middle class African-American basher, Don Imus, anti-Semitic ranter Mel Gibson, Black-baiting comedian Michael Richards and Homophobic actor Isaiah Washington, had to be treated by a team of paramedics after they were pummeled by the Rutgers Women Basketball team during a charity dodge ball game!
“Girls Gone Wild”, CEO Joe Francis, in jail for photographing naked drunken underage girls escaped from the Lorena Bobbit correctional facility for abused and exploited women. A few hours later, he was found by the local police, claiming he ran away because he was a victim of “Cool and unusual punishment!”
Bristol-Myers’ star, “Speedy” Alka-Seltzer, is out of retirement to team up with Paris Hilton, bringing new meaning to the slogan, “Relief Is Just A Swallow Away!”
The Who…embark on their latest “Farewell” Tour!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqfFrCUrEbY
Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne
For more of Paris https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/12/18/it-looks-like-paris-blows-it-again/
Thanks to Paul Payton for his contribution of the Who tour video.
Thanks to the late Harvey Miller, who helps me with this column every week!
You Can’t Push A Bullet Back Into A Gun!
April 17, 2007
A few years ago I was in the USC medical center for some tests. I was put in a ward next to a young man who was handcuffed to his bed. He looked over at me and said, “Yo’ Pops, can I have some of your water?”
I said, “First, don’t call me Pops, I may not as young as you, but I can still beat your ass!”. He smiled weakly, whille bandaged over much of his upper body, and asked politely, “Can I please have some of your water, sir?” Just as I was about to give it to him, a large male nurse took the glass out of my hand, glared at him and said, “You know you’re not allowed to have any water…because of your gunshot wounds!”
I asked him what happened? He said he was a gangbanger and he was in a shootout with a rival gang. I asked him if he thought this kind of life style was cool or romantic?
“I did…until I got shot!”
“How do you feel about it now?”
“It hurts…It really hurts! I didn’t expect getting shot would feel like this!”
I told him I was a songwriter and I shared a few lines with him that I had written a few days earlier.
You Can’t Push A Bullet Back Into A Gun
You can say that you’re sorry, but the damage is done
you may as well try to blow out the sun
You Can’t Push A Bullet Back Into A Gun
He asked me to repeat it, then asked me to write it down. As I gave it to him I said, “I hope you remember those words if you’re ever in a situation like that again.” He just nodded. At lights out, I could hear him quietly moaning, his medication wasn’t working well enough. I called for the night nurse and let him use my Walkman. I told him that whenever the pain became too much to bear just turn the music up.
The next morning, he was taken to a private room to recover. He told me that turning up the music on my Walkman really helped him dampen the pain. I told him that he was welcome to borrow it while he was recovering.
I honestly never expected to see him or or my walkman ever again, but a week later he dropped by my bed to see me before he was about to be discharged. Handcuffed to his wheelchair, being pushed by an L.A. police officer, he handed me my Walkman and recited by memory…
You Can’t Push A Bullet Back Into A Gun
You say that you’re sorry but the damage is done
You may as well try to blow out the sun
You Can’t Push a Bullet Back Into A Gun
He shook my hand and smiled. Although I never saw or heard from him again, I knew he would never forget his experience and neither will I. A few weeks later I finished the song.
Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne
You Can’t Push A Bullet Back Into A Gun
By Artie Wayne
You Can’t Push A Bullet Back Into A Gun
You say that you’re sorry, but the damage is done
You may as well try to blow out the sun
You Can’t Push A Bullet Back Into A Gun
Little Jenny skippin’ rope in front of school
Starts to cry when a gang drives by, shootin’ at some fool
But they miss their mark, escape through the park
While Jenny’s on the ground, watchin’ the world get dark
You Can’t Push A Bullet Back Into A Gun
You say that you’re sorry but the damage is done
You may as well try to blow out the sun
You Can’t Push A Bullet Back into A Gun
A truck cuts crazy Bobby off out on highway four
Reaches into his pocket, gotta’ even the score
Meanwhile, at the mall, back against the wall
Some guy with a grudge says, ” I’m gonna’ show ‘em all
Make ‘em fall, watch “em crawl.
You Can’t Push A Bullet Back Into A Gun
You say that you’re sorry but the damage is done
You may as well try to blow out the sun
You Can’t Push A Bullet Back into A Gun
Is it the stranger we should fear the most?
Or family and friends, the ones who are close?
It’s brother kills brother makin’ the news
A murdering wife, tired of being abused
It’s a frustrated lover who just can’t go on
It’s a careless grandfather cleaning his gun
it’s a molested daughter who couldn’t escape
It’s a six year old son who finds dad’s ‘38
[Instrumental]
It’s a tale of envy or a tale of lust
It’s the monster hiding in everyone of us
Now everyday, we all have to pray
That some little country won’t blow the whole world away
You Can’t Push A Bullet Back Into A Gun
You say that you’re sorry but the damage is done
You may as well try to blow out the sun
You Can’t Push A Bullet Back Into A Gun
Copyright-2003 Wayne Art music
artie_wayne@yahoo.com