Binky is horrified after discovering he’s only one pair of chromosomes away from being human!
The world is reeling after a cell phone video released on the internet shows a silver haired Elvis Presley, celebrating his birthday in Brazil with his balding pals, Jimi Hendrix and Jim Morrison. Can a “Return of the Kings” tour be far behind?
Role model Paris hilton, in an exclusive interview with Entertainment Tonight, admits she’s not promiscuous and only has sex when she’s in a relationship. Later, she confides in People magazine that she had 112 “relationships” in 2006!
At his long awaited press conference today, President Bush, was outraged that the entire press corp laughed when he proposed enlisting the aid of Jedi Warriors and Storm Troopers to help end the war in Iraq. When informed by veteran reporter Helen Thomas that they all were ficticious characters from “Star Wars”, Bush smirked and said, ” Next thing you’ll try to tell me is that Spiderman isn’t real! ”
Shock Jock, Howard Stern just received an 83 million dollar bonus from his bosses at Sirius radio. It’s reported that he gets $100 every time he curses or tells an off color joke.
Several technicians at NASA were fired today after it was revealed that they were using the extreme close-up lens on the Hubble telescope, which circles 380 miles above the earth, to photograph Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan exiting cars in Hollywood!
A team of Iraqi sharpshooters, rifles loaded with silver bullets as well as local villagers armed with wooden stakes, are said to be watching Saddam Hussein’s unmarked grave 24 hours a day…just in case the execution didn’t “take”.
The noxious fumes that hung over New York earlier this week was deemed to be only the fallout from the raging feud between Donald Trump and Rosie O’Donnell.
Congress has unanimously approved the use of convicted Taliban as human missles. The terrorists, ironically, will have bombs strapped to them and dropped without parachutes over Somalia, to help wipe out their Al Qaeda comrades!
The video of the week submitted by Patti Dahlstrom should give you a smile! http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1734043
Copyright 2006 by Artie Wayne
Hit Me Britney One Last Time!
December 9, 2006
Jurassic Park “Who’s Next?”…and the infamous Jimi Jammin’ Jacket!
I was really excited last sunday when Artie Wayne on the Web reached the 50,ooo mark, representing all the people who have blogged on since we started five months ago. Today, one week later, we’ re over the 100,000 mark! What was it that brought everyone here? The brilliant reporting, the exciting stories, the hilarious jokes? Or was it those pictures of Britney, Paris and Lindsay? https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/12/04/exclusive-photos-lindsay-lohan-and-paris-hilton-on-top-of-britney-spears/
Anyway, I want to remind you that you have until next friday December 15, 2006 to enter our caption contest and a chance to win a hand painted design on the back of your own denim jacket, worth up to $1000. Just click on to https://artiewayne.wordpress.com/2006/12/03/win-a-piece-of-wearable-art-worth-1000/
Kenny Schaffer – Shift Happens!
August 19, 2006
This morning I interviewed my long time friend, Kenny Schaffer, long-ago publicist for the Left Banke, Jimi Hendrix, Alice Cooper and Jerry Garcia. This is the guy who also invented the wireless microphone and the wireless guitar in his spare time! The critics are raving about TV2Me, his latest invention, which allows you to bring your local cable or satellite programming with you, at cable-TV quality, anywhere you travel in the world! http://tv2me.com
As we took a breather from the interview, catching up on old times and laughing, I joked about my becoming the Andy Rooney of Rock and he told me a story about the man himself.
“You know that I suggested two stories to Andy Rooney, both of which he actually did. My favorite one was the one about “blow-in cards” that keep falling out of magazines. I suggested that they block the drainpipe of my bathtub, fall all over the floor, etc.. I proposed to him that everybody should collect all these freaking drop-in cards until they have a pile of 30 or 50, then walk over to the post box and dump them all in (blank, of course). And since they’re return postage paid, the assholes who put these things in the magazines will eventually get the idea — in their pockets, possibly the only part of their anatomy used for thinking.
Rooney did the story – but wimped out – stopping just short of suggesting people dump the unsigned cards into the post box — (probably some intervention from “standards and practices” at CBS.)
Kenny…All I can say is let the revolution begin!
You can reach Kenny Schaffer at http://nutcom.com
You can reach Artie Wayne at http://artiewayne.com
You can reach Andy Rooney at http://whothehellknows.com
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